Inappropriate Incident at US Military Daycare, OOP Got the Runaround

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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/maroon_sweater on 2024-04-09 15:30:07.

I am NOT OP. Original post was by u/DecisionMedium6440 in r/army.

trigger warnings: sexual abuse of a toddler (by another child), child neglect, dereliction of duty on the part of trusted adults, people in authority being useless, misbehaving furniture

mood spoilers: frustrating

NOTE: PMing the SMA’s public affairs inactive account would not only against the sub’s rules, it would also be pointless. Please do not harass or brigade anyone related to this story. Please also note that the name OP is referred to by in media is not her actual name.

Editor’s Note on Acronyms

FAPM: Family Advocacy Program Manager. They are supposed to help run things regarding domestic abuse and related topics on each base.

CDC: Child Development Center. Military daycare.

PSB (OOP abbreviated this to PBS): Problematic Sexual Behavior. The term the family advocacy program uses for inappropriate sexual behavior exhibited by kids.

CID: Criminal Investigation Division - NCIS, but Army.

JAG: Judge Advocate General - Lawyers, but Army.

DoDI: Department of Defense Instruction. OOP is referring to the policy on “Coordinated Response to Problematic Sexual Behavior in Children and Youth”

Our 4yo was anally penetrated “3-4x in 48hrs” at the CDC on base. On CCTV. No protocol followed, everyone cya. Do I burn it down? - 07 January 2024

Keeping things vague. Our preschooler attended school on base. FAPM and CDC director called my spouse and I in for a meeting. Stated no one was hurt, but an urgent decision had to [be] made that day. Okay. I tried to push up the meeting, they wouldn’t meet even an hour earlier.

FAPM started the meeting saying it was not to be recorded. Okay. We’re not army, different branch here for a joint forces thing.

FAPM started by stating the above facts, but the person who did this was under the age of culpability. So good news, no crime has been committed! Therefore there’s no police report.

They would not tell us how these events were “caught” other than video existed of it. They would not turn over the video to CID when pressed.

FAPM stated it might be a good idea to get a regular check up by the pediatrician on base, but no forensic interview or forensic physical was required because again (!) No crime has occurred. That it would likely be traumatic to our child.

I said fuck that out loud, and that the base clinic would not be touching our kid. We switched to select during open enrollment anyway.

FAPM & CDC director explained the delay in notifying us was due to coming up with a safety plan: the truely responsible party was a piece of furniture that partially obscured the view of the teacher. It had been properly reprimanded by being moved.

They also decided to move our son to the other side of the classroom. The “exhibiting child” was not removed from the CDC. The CDC director said they would still have some shared activities together. I asked how she could possibly say our son wasn’t internally injured? We argued.

FAPM didn’t hand us a damn thing. I asked where are the papers? You’re supposed to be handing us an entire folder right now.

FAPM stated “people would call us”. And that if no one called us in 24hrs, then to reach out directly to her, and she’d “nudge them”. She gave us no one to follow up with other than her, and also, didn’t even give us her office # or card.

I said fuck that and drove our kid to closest children’s hospital. A forensic exam revealed a lot more.

We are unsure who’s command we were under in our branch for this deployment. It took a considerable amount of time. we were busy addressing medical need.

Our son is in fact injured internally. He’s also clearly traumatized and freaking out. We’re obviously out of childcare and drowning.

Full blown crisis.

I discovered;

-FAPM notified our command but did not tell them any details. Not our names or contact info, nor any details. Simply stated there was an instance of PBS involving a child of that branch/command.

-did the same thing for our jag

-did the same thing for CID

-did the same thing for cps

Facts:

-CDC & FAPM delayed notifying us by 30 hrs. So there were 3-4 (which is it?) events, a total of 78hrs prior first event. Maybe? They would not give exact dates, duration, or times.

-dna is not really collectable beyond 24hrs for the kit. Technically possible at 72 hrs, but diminishing returns.

-CDC didn’t create an incident report form. We’ve hounded them. They will not provide one.

-FAPM did not notify garrison police

-CID argued with us for hours. Wouldn’t take a report or statement from us, nor open an investigation into negligence on behalf of staff. Would not view or retain footage.

-I sent an email to the garrison commander. Initially they called, sounded cooperative but hands off. Kept directing us back to FAPM and CID. Then they stopped responding. Straight to voicemail, everything goes unresponded.

I finally tracked down each person FAPM notified. Verified in writing if protocol required 24hrs to notify, she waited 23hrs and 47 minutes.

I forced a CID to open an investigation by notifying CPS through the Children’s hospital. Good news, they found another impacted child. Bad news, we’ve been shut out of everything.

They also went on the offensive. Garrison commander banned me from CDC property under punishment of 6 months in prison. CDC director is stating I threatened the staff. I most certainly did not. I went in and asked for the incident report. They told me no and to leave, I complied immediately although I was pissed. No threatening movements. GPS shows I was on base for all of 9 minutes. I also popped in to run an errand across the street, have proof.

Our child is making repeated statements of adult involvement. But he’s also 4. I’ve read Miller vs. United States. His testimony would be “unreliable”.

I have a 1 degree connection to the military desk at CNN. I put out feelers, there’s a couple news outlets interested but only if our identity is revealed. Spouse would have to do it.

Im realistic. I know we’re not getting justice. I’ve read DoDI 6400.01, 608-18. If we go to media I can see the protocol requiring to kick it up outside the chain of command and automatically trigger a whole lot of scrutiny.

What would you do?

Inspector general has done nothing, Congressional complaint was not responded to.

Editor’s Note for Context:

Between this post and the next post, OOP corresponded via DM with user SMA-PAO, a mostly defunct account run by a person or some people who did public affairs for the previous Sergeant Major of the Army, the top enlisted guy in the Army. His job is to advocate for the welfare of soldiers and their families, and the fact the new SMA doesn’t use this account after the last, popular one did is something of a sore spot for /r/army. OOP’s next posts continue this DM conversation one-sided and in public.

Update; my 4 yo was penetrated 3-4x at the CDC on base. (self.army) - 18 January 2024

Dependa here. As such, I’ll go ahead and take my spouses’ rank. Most assumed WE are lower enlisted… but (again, we) are at the Senior Officer School of the Army War College in Carlisle Barracks.

Please see linked articles below for more detail.

Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag… And absolutely not condone violence.

Thank you for every comment and message. Validation is a powerful gift.

On a different note, there were countless messages with disturbingly similar experiences. This has to change. We have to demand it.

When a command successfully suppresses something like this, SMA-PAO, what avenue is there to hope besides public outcry?

With your command philosophy, the on the job training the leadership within the chain of command will receive without public knowledge of this event would have been an education on how to become a more successful co-abuser.

There are more details of my own experience I cannot share, but I can now clearly see what almost worked. They were good - and they did these things with both ease and comfort.

Everything on our end was done by the books and through every appropriate avenue first. For weeks previously we requested higher ranking audiences within the chain command. We know the cogs turn slowly. We gave the chain of command time to work. We were assured all relevant parties were debriefed.

And yet, they decided it was indeed a bookcase that failed to protect the basic human rights of our child - and not the fully capable Army who put it there.

I read 400 pages, highlighted and annotated, of DoDI & federal law to advocate for our child. It’s unrecognizable to what’s occurred. But as a wife, and the mother, no one gave a shit.

If you are being told everything was handled on the Army and command side by the book - we wouldn’t be here. I was told by a Supervisory SA point blank, ‘Ma’am, I’m as high as this goes’ on the second day, before an investigation was even opened. He sounded bored and annoyed. It’s now only January 18th, but perhaps for his continued pervasive attitude …

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