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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Loud_Gene1717 on 2023-08-05 05:40:53.

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I (27F) have been best friends with my friend (27F) since elementary school. I think of her like a sister. Due to health conditions, she has always known that conception would be difficult for her. It is very unfair, and we’ve many discussions about it. Around the time we were in high school or college, I offered to one day donate my eggs to her if she is unable to conceive naturally. This was not something I forced upon her, nor did she pressure me to offer this. It has been a mutual discussion we’ve circled back to every few years, and we’re very much on the same page. I trust she would make an amazing mother and I would be able to have an aunt-like relationship with her children.

Flash forward to the present day, and we are both now married. Me and my husband (27M) do not have kids, and are not planning to have kids until mid-30s when we have more money and a nice house. She and her husband (28M) have been married two years and are looking into family planning. As she has gone through testing, it seems she is unable to conceive or carry a child at all. So, if they were to have a baby, they would need both an egg donation and a surrogate. A surrogate can be very expensive, and so she asked me the other day my honest thoughts on taking on that role (This would basically mean I’d skip egg retrieval and just receive artificial insemination, and then carry the baby). I said I’d like to think about it, and she respected my answer.

A couple evenings later, I told my husband about the situation and how I was still mulling it over. He got upset and said he wasn’t comfortable with me carrying another man’s baby, especially before his own. His tone came across as accusatory, and I reminded him that this was entirely clinical and that thousands of women donate eggs and are surrogates, but he said that this wasn’t about the medical procedure, it was something we both had to live with for nine months. He felt that this was not something I should be allowed to decide without consulting him, since pregnancy would involve him as well (supporting me through the journey, helping me around the house etc.). He also said he would feel weird seeing me pregnant with another man’s baby and he wasn’t sure if he could see me the same if I went through with it. After some back and forth, he told me firmly that I could only have my friends baby if we could unanimously agree on it, and that he would never agree.

I understand his points, but I also think that at the end of the day it is my body. And this has been something I’ve discussed with my friend since before either of us even met our husbands, so it feels like I should still be allowed to make this decision on my own, even if that decision is no.

(FYI: He and I have discussed donating my eggs to my friend before, and he never seemed to mind that, but I also don’t know how seriously he took the conversation).