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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/PaperBagIt on 2023-08-07 16:50:59.

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I acknowledge that my husband works a physically intensive job and very long hours (typically 60-65 hours per week on a slow week) and I do appreciate how hard he works so I can be home for our kids after school and during their time off.

With that out of the way, on to the issue: He says he rarely has time or energy to pack his own lunch for the day. Oftentimes he falls asleep after getting home and doing the rest of his share of the housework and spending time with the kids. In the mornings he takes care of the dogs and some smaller household things before going to work. He used to ask me to help him by packing a lunch and sometimes I would, but otherwise, I tell him he needs to manage his time better by multi-tasking or waking up earlier because he’s a grown man and can pack his own lunch.

I’ve noticed for the past several months he doesn’t always take his lunch bag with him. The other day I got curious as to how much he’s spending weekly on eating out. Checking our account I saw that every week he takes out or transfers $45 but no unknown restaurant charges. Considering current prices I asked him where he’s eating that $45 is lasting him all week because I’d like to see what they got. That’s when he told me he’s not eating anywhere, he and a few of his coworkers give money to another coworker, and then his wife either packs breakfasts/lunches for anyone pitching in or drops food off at the job site.

I told him she’s not their servant and he needs to knock it off. Saturday when he was talking to that particular coworker about a job they’d be doing all week, I leaned close to the phone and told his coworker to also stop giving him lunches and be better to his wife. I went on to tell them both all he was doing was coddling my husband and the others, and that they’re adults- if they’re that worried about lunchtime they’d take care of it themselves instead of depending on someone else.

We argued about it and still hadn’t resolved the issue when he left for the job yesterday morning. Yesterday afternoon I dropped the kids off with my parents and I was venting to them about it. Both of my parents told me the easiest solution would be to just do it myself or let him keep paying because it’s one small thing to do to help make his job easier than reminded me about how they packed each other’s lunches whenever one of them had to stay home with us while growing up.

AITA for telling my husband and his coworker to stop providing lunches for him?