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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Some-Tension-4810 on 2023-08-07 20:16:02.

Throwaway for privacy.

I (28F) and Mia (34F) have been best friends for 11 years. I love her like a sister and until now we’ve never fallen out. Neither of us have family close by or a wide circle of friends, so I really want to try and resolve this issue as best I can.

About 5 years ago, Mia told me that if she hadn’t met a man by the time she turned 35 then she would go the sperm donor route and become a single mother. That time has now arrived so she’s planning on starting the IVF process and getting pregnant next year. I fully support her decision and think she’ll make an incredible parent, with or without a partner.

The problem started a couple of months ago when she casually mentioned over dinner that her future baby will love spending time with their Aunty OP. I laughed and reminded her I’ve never had any maternal instincts, so the three of us will need to hang out as a trio because I’ll be new to being an Aunty. She asked what I meant, so I clarified I wouldn’t be babysitting as I’m not comfortable being responsible for small children on my own, but I would happily spend time with both of them together. Mia went quiet and then moved the conversation along so I didn’t think much else of it.

Fast forward to yesterday when we were in her car and Mia unexpectedly launches in a story about her friend in Spain who also used a sperm donor to become a single mother and her friendship circle have been helping look after the baby so she can continue building her career. Mia then said “having a strong female support network is so important when raising children, I love that we would do anything for each other”. I noticed she was putting a big emphasis on childcare so again, I reminded her I wouldn’t be able to babysit, but was quick to let her know I would support in any other way I could. I told her I could cook, clean, keep her company, be at the hospital, buy her child whatever they need. Anything outside of babysitting solo. She laughed and said “it’s so funny you have no idea how much you’re going to love this baby, you’ll enjoy taking care of your godchild more than you realize!”. Alarm bells were going off so I admittedly took a blunt tone and told her it’s not going to be my kid, it’s hers and I’m not comfortable with the responsibility of looking after a baby on my own (I have sensory issues and anxiety, screaming kids make me panic in a big way). I’m not doing it and I’m not changing my mind. She looked genuinely hurt and said most people would do anything to help out a single mum and she couldn’t understand why I wouldn’t want to do this for her. She also said it’s “worrying and abnormal” for me to be so nervous about looking after a baby, and mentioned she doesn’t have anyone else to help so this has come as a horrible surprise.

She dropped me home and we haven’t spoken since. I feel awful about all of it - AITA?