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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 on 2024-06-23 04:01:03+00:00.

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Pearl_Candy

Originally posted to r/TwoHotTakes

AITAH For being mad at my fiance for buying a tire

Editor’s Note: added paragraph breaks for readability

Trigger Warnings: possible financial exploitation, gaslighting, manipulation

Original Post: June 14, 2024

I’m not used to posting anything on Reddit, so apologies ahead of time for any mistakes.

I (F23) am currently fighting with my fiance (m 23) over him buying a tire for his best friends car.

About a week ago, his friend drove over some glass or a nail or something. I don’t know, just some kinda pointy road debris. A day later, she calls my fiance to ask him to help with some of the car stuff. I thought nothing of it as he’s handy with everything automotive and she’s called him for help with stuff like this in the past. I stay home as I’m clueless with cars (I don’t even drive so I wouldn’t be any help) and he leaves. I didn’t think anything of it until recently.

Fast forward to two days ago. I keep a small tin box in our bedroom that I put some of my savings in. For a while now, I’ve put any 1 dollar bills into this box to save up for a family trip. When I was little, my mom and dad would take me and my older sister on lots of road trips. As we got older, we took less and less. Post Covid, I think we’ve only taken 2 trips together as a family. I wanted to save up enough so we could at least do a small weekend vacation together, just like old times. I had some change and went to store it in my box. Well, to my surprise the box was empty. I was confused to say the least. I first made sure the money didn’t spill anywhere, that I was looking at the right box, and basically trying to check all options of where the money could have gone. Then I rushed over to my fiance to ask if he knew anything about it. He did.

Basically, when his friend called him, she was telling him that she couldn’t afford a new tire and to see if we had any kind of spare. We don’t have anything to fit her car, so he offered to buy her one. He took the money in the tin (it was about 300 dollars) and left to buy it for her.

I was stunned and asked him why he would do this. We don’t have any expendable income really, so if he offered he must’ve known he couldn’t afford it with his own money. He told me that she really needed it and if she couldn’t get her car going it’s be catastrophic for her. That he couldn’t leave his best friend hanging like that and thought I wouldn’t mind as it was an emergency. I explained how the money he took was mine, he should’ve asked me, and that he knew it was special. He kept insisting it was for a good cause and that I would’ve done the same thing. We argued back and forth.things got heated.

Eventually, he said that if I was willing to let his friend go without a car for who knows how long when I had the ability to help her I was being a selfish asshole. I told him to at least pay me back the money, since it’s not like we can get it back now. He told me no, as he’s setting aside any extra funds for our wedding at the end of the year. And that the 300 dollars he’d give me would mean we probably couldn’t afford something like a wedding cake, or would have to skimp out on catering. That me being so bent out of shape over such a small amount was petty.

We’re having a small wedding and are already trying to save money wherever we can. The venue is gonna be a relatives farm, with a small guest list, and minimal extras. I don’t want to take anything out of our already tight budget. And I understand why he didn’t want to leave his friend out cold like that, I just wish he would’ve told me.

Now I’m out of my family vacation savings and feeling overall bad for the whole situation. I haven’t apologized yet as I still feel really bitter but I don’t want to push it if I am just being petty. There are worse things for 300 dollars to be spent on. So, am I the asshole?

Additional Information from OOP in the comments

OOP: After reading a lot of the comments, I really feel like something just isn’t clicking. I don’t know why he didn’t get a used tire, or even just patch it up. He told me she had popped it but outside of his word I haven’t gotten much proof on how bad it was.

I’ve met his friend before and doubt there’s any cheating going on there. She’s nice and all but we’re not super close or anything. I’m definitely going to bring things up to him when he gets home today. I appreciate the support but I’m not planning on calling anything off, at least not for now.

I definitely think he was gaslighting me over this, not wanting to admit wrong doing over a stupid decision. However, I still love him. We were friends in high school and started dating in college. We have a lot of history together and I really don’t want to throw all that away over a tire.

Relevant Comments

TravelingPhotoDude: $300 for one tire is pretty high if they just have a car. I have a Range Rover and my tires were just under $300 a tire for run flats. What he should have done was if they were in a pinch, is go to a tire place and get a good used tire to get his best friend by until they could afford a tire.

OOP: I know his friend drives a larger car, so I was just assuming that’s why he took all the money for it. Larger tire = more expensive tire. Honestly I have no idea why he didn’t try a cheaper alternative. I’ll definitely ask about that when he comes home from work

Update June 16, 2024

TLDR on my first post: my fiancé stole $300 cash of my savings to buy his best friend a tire when she popped it, he didn’t ask me about taking the money.

Ok, so I poured over all the comments on my original post. I’m not car savvy, and thought it was interesting how the majority of people agreed $300 for a tire was crazy. I didn’t understand why he didn’t just get her a patch or a spare like some of you pointed out in the comments. When my fiancé got home that night, I brought up the topic to him. He still didn’t budge on an explanation or real apology. He seemed like he was tired after work and just wanted me to drop it. I asked about a receipt, but he said he didn’t know where it went. Claiming he lost it or left it with his friend.

I listened to a suggestion I saw a few of you say and messaged his friend to see if she had something to say. I shot her a dm on instagram, just asking about the whole ordeal. When she got back to me, she had no idea what I was talking about. She did meet up with him, but her car was totally fine. They just went to some game stores together and got lunch. She never saw the $300. She seemed confused and told me “good luck” with figuring it out.

I of course immediately brought this up to my fiancé. Telling me how this whole situation has been driving me crazy, and showing him the messages between me and his friend. He seemed shocked at how upset I was before getting quiet for a second. Begrudgingly he explained what happened.

He had taken the money, deposited it in the bank, went to hang out with his friend, then got back home and used the money on a deposit for a hotel room near a ski resort. He booked it for our honeymoon. We weren’t planning on really having a honeymoon, so he wanted to surprise me with it. The money was enough to book a single night deposit, he was planning to save up to pay the rest upon check in. Our wedding was going to be late in the year, so he thought a Christmas cabin honeymoon would be perfect.

A whole lot doesn’t make sense to me about this. I can’t ski, I always spend Christmas with my family, and he stole from me to do this. I told him to explain why he just took the money for this. He knew I was saving the money for a family vacation and thought “once we’re married we’ll be family. So me and him deserve a trip just for us”

As for the time and place, he just thought it would be romantic.

I am completely torn up over this. You guys were right, I was being too passive. He stole my savings, disregarded asking my opinion, and betrayed my trust. This isn’t the ending I wanted, but the wedding is called off. I’m staying with my sister and have been talking the whole thing over with her. I haven’t told the rest of my family yet and don’t really know where to go from here. Our relationship is in limbo right now. I don’t want to throw away our future but I’m not sure if I can reasonably keep it going. I have a lot on my mind.

Also before someone suggests it, the room deposit is non refundable, so he’s stuck with at least one night. I demanded he pays me back but he got upset at that. He seems like he really doesn’t want to, especially now that we’re on awful terms. I’ll keep pushing to get back my cash, but that’s pretty much it.

My first post blew up more than I expected. Thank you everyone for all the advice, good and bad. It helped me come to terms with the fact that his behavior was unacceptable. I’m not sure where to go from here but I’m glad I finally took some action.

Relevant Comments

Smart-Story-2142: Have you seen proof that what he’s saying is true? I honestly don’t buy it. My guess is he spent it on himself. He’s a liar and I will never trust a word t…

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