Do NOT comment on Original Posts. See rule 7. This sub has a 7-day waiting period so the latest update is at least 7 days old.

*Editor’s Note: If you want to skip the backstory, jump to the *****************

Although not an “update” to this BORU, 2 years ago, I posted another BORU by u/Spookybeagle also about her entitled parents and having a baby (at the time, she was pregnant with her 2nd, she is now pregnant with her 3rd). The link to that BORU is here:

My Entitled Parents Refuse to Respect My Wishes December 29, 2022

TL;DR She had her first baby during COVID, so no visitors at the hospital and they decided none at home for the first two months. Her parents hated this and pushed back frequently. OOP has now moved 16 hours away. Parents are pushing again to visit right after 2nd baby is born, but OOP again wants no visitors for the first two months. OOP decides to send a mass text to her family telling them not to come when the baby is born, but 2 months later. Her mother pushes back, brother thinks she was too harsh and her dad thinks this means she wants to go NC and gets sulky. When the family finally accepts visiting in April, Dad starts trying to push naming the (boy) baby after him which OOP and her husband do not want.

Editor’s Note: I missed OOP’s final update when the baby was born End of Saga May 9, 2023

TL;DR the baby was born two weeks early, the parents respected her wishes and waited until April to visit. She says the visit was pretty pleasant and they didn’t force their “help” on her like the first time.

This post will be about her parents wanting to live with her when they are old, but there are some new posts that relate. I will link to those:

My parents always make my pregnancies/children about them April 15, 2024

My dad wants me to name the baby after him May 9, 2024

My mom keeps trying to convince me to have my baby on my dad’s birthday May 31, 2024

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My parents assume they are going to move in with me when they are old. June 15, 2024

I was on the phone with them this morning because they called after I texted them an update on my husband’s and my house hunting adventure.

I am currently pregnant with baby #3 and live safely 15-ish hours away from these people who birthed and raised me while simultaneously messed me up mentally and emotionally.

Why I stay in contact with them nowadays is becoming more and more of a mystery to me.

But here we are.

Well, while looking at one of the houses I was describing online, my dad asked where would they stay in the future.

Stupidly thinking “as a guest.” I mentioned one of the extra rooms could be a multipurpose room. If you have an air mattress and you’re coming for a visit, there you go. This house has 4 bedrooms, 5 if you count one of the rooms on the main floor.

He then asked about permanently. Further in the future.

I said “Permanently?”

He said, “when I retire, or sometime after that. You know, stairs won’t be your mom’s and my friends around then.”

Me: “you think you will be living with us?”

ENTITLED DAD: “Of course.”

Me: “No.”

Entitled dad: “We can help with the kids.”

Me: “No.”

My mom: “Remember? We always talked about this when you were younger.”

Me: “No.”

Dad: “What? Are you going to put us in a home?”

Me: “You’ll make friends.”

Dad: “Well that’s not nice of you!”

Me: “I never said I was.”

The discussion ended after that.

Relevant Comments:

staticstart:

“We always talked about this when you were younger.”

Because a child between 3-14 is really going to understand the concept of a nursing home and sending your parents away. Good job on telling them no!

OOP:

My mom has always brought up living with me when she’s old. And I always said, “Nope.” Even when I thought she was joking. I did entertain the idea at one point. If we lived on a big enough lot, they could have a trailer on. Never in the same house. But I always kinda knew that wouldn’t be a real possibility.

It very nearly almost happened a year ago, but then my dad decided that “God has called him to stay in our homestate.” In the most haughty of voices.

Okay. Thank you, Jesus! Lol

bigbura:

Why maintain contact with such people?

OP says there’s long history of mess and OP keeps going back into the mess. There’s a saying about doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results.

DaniMW:

Because it’s really hard to accept when you have shithole parents - because they’re still the only parents you have.

It’s natural to want your parents to be good parents, even if the reality is that they aren’t.

PmMeUrTinyAsianTits:

Also, those parents tend to raise kids to tolerate that kind of shit, and it takes a LOT of time and effort to unlearn their indoctrination.

You can get away with a lot of shit when you’re the one teaching the kids what they should and shouldn’t tolerate

bigbura:

“If you wouldn’t let them in your house, why let them in your head?”

Somebody’s therapist asked this question and they shared it on Reddit. This struck me as quite the thought, helping me deal with some family issues. Others have remarked the same so I offer it up to whomever stumbles across this comment in the hopes it helps them too.

DaniMW:

It’s just not that simple. Not in reality.

People often say ‘why do you care about so and so because they’re a shitty person’… because you can’t turn your feelings off like a tap!

People say that about exes, too - ‘he’s a jerk, why do you care about him?’

Because the idea that someone else decides they’re not worth caring about doesn’t alter your FEELINGS!

OOP:

I go through long stretches of low to almost no contact with them. When we start talking again, it seems all normal. Then they pull crap like this. I am currently doing minimal contact. My brother was in the hospital yesterday, so I was in communicating for updates.

He’s fine. It wasn’t anything too serious. Back to minimal to almost NC.

Update Ju…

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