**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** u/Strict_Trouble7006. She posted in r/AITAH. Thanks to u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for the rec. # Do NOT...
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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/LucyAriaRose on 2024-08-26 09:10:23+00:00.

I am NOT the Original Poster. That is u/Strict_Trouble7006. She posted in r/AITAH.

Thanks to u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for the rec.

Do NOT comment on Original Posts. Latest update is 7 days old.

Trigger Warnings: homophobia; death threats; threats of violence; medical risk to an infant;

Mood Spoiler: sad but OOP will be ok

Original Post: August 18, 2024

I 25F and my best friend Emma f26 have been friends since elementary school and I honestly thought of her as a sister. We tell eachother everything, went to the same college and even though we have 2 different jobs we work in the same area.

Emma was my rock for years as I battled self-hate and depression due to growing up in a small conservative town as not only a person of color but a closeted lesbian. Emma did not know I was a lesbian just knew that I was unhappy. Never staying long in relationships, self-isolation and later I developed anorexia.

Emma was the one who suggested we go to an out of state college and later suggested we move out of state to. I’ve gotten much better since then and for that, I genuinely thank her.

Though about 2 years ago Emma contracted Herpes from some guy she slept with and it has been very hard for her to land a boyfriend since then and it’s made her very lonely. She hasn’t told her family or friends about it because she doesn’t want to be seen as “gross”.

Due to this I haven’t really put myself in the dating field and have put off coming out. Though about 6 months ago I met this girl at a craft store. Long curly hair, dressed in all black with big eyeliner and ruby lipstick. I couldn’t stop staring at her and I admit when she smiled at me I kind of followed her around the store (I know, creepy). I eventually worked up the courage to just ask her for her number and she gave it to me. I was so excited, I started texting her that night and since then, we have been hanging out a ton and I think she likes me back.

I was going to ask her out but since I live with Emma I decided I should come out since I will be bringing her around if the girl says yes.

So after work I sat her down and told her I was a lesbian. I said all the anguish I went through growing up was because of my self hate. How I wish I could have told her earlier but I never found the right time but now that I was in love with someone I felt like I should tell her. That she was the one person I trusted with this information.

She just stared at me shocked for a few seconds and then her face turned from shock to disgust. She jumped back and accused me of being a pervert and how I was gross for being around her so much knowing I was gay. Even mentioning how she’s gotten changed around me and I’m no better than some creepy man. I tried explaining I had no romantic feelings for her and I honestly had a crush on someone else. She wouldn’t buy it and locked herself in her room.

Later my phone started ringing off the hook and to my surprise it was tons of messages from my family and our friend group either calling me homophobic slurs or asking if it was true that I liked Emma. My mother even called to scream at me a few times and apparently I’m disowned.

I started banging on the door and told her why the hell she outed me to everyone and she just started calling me a pervert again. So I was like oh okay fine, you want to play? Fine.

I had a pic of her diagnosis and sent it to her parents and our friend group. According to the only friend who didn’t crap on me people are talking more about Emma than me because she still shares stuff even though she has herpes. Now they are grossed out and are accusing her of trying to “infect them with her diseases” along with some slut shaming.

Now I’m looking for a new apartment and I’m still planning to ask the girl out this week but I was told by Emma’s parents that I ruined her reputation and labeled their daughter as a “dirty h*e”.

I feel bad but I felt like she deserved it. Though I know that a disease and sexuality are 2 different things so I’m wondering if I was really wrong to do that.

Edit 1 (soon after the OG post)

Edit: since some had asked, I’ll make another edit tmmr, I’m asking her out tonight. I made reservations at this nice thai place she’s been wanting to try, then I’m going to take her to boardwalk and ask her out there as to not put her on the spot in front of a ton of people. See yall then, hope it goes well 🥲.

Edit 2: a few hours later

Edit 2: I’m about to go pick up ruby, a commenter has been calling my crush ruby and I think that’s pretty cute so that’s what I’m going to be referring to her as.

Anyway for some context since it was asked. Emma is staying with a family friend who lives around here because her parents don’t want us fighting. My lease is up soon and hopefully I’ve locked down something by then. At least I’ll be able to be alone now. Anyway wish me luck 😤

Relevant Comments:

Commenter: ESH, but you less than others. Emma is TA for outing you, and Emma’s family are AHs for saying contracting herpes makes her a dirty ho. You retaliated against Emma in a way that you knew would hurt her, which is perfectly understandable, but still an AH move. She blew up your life, though, and that’s not fair at all.

I know you’ll be ok. ❤️ Hearing slurs from your family and friends is terrible and I’m sorry that happened, but they’ve revealed themselves as AHs.

OOP: Honestly it was pretty surreal experience I thought maybe they’d be mad but completely disowning me, I’m happy I came out after my parents paid for my college because just wow.

Honestly I feel like I stooped down to her level by doing so, it kinda made me feel like I was deserving of the hate and that I didn’t deserve to be able to come out. Though I’m going to try to push through these thoughts and have a successful relationship.

Thank you so much for your kind words

In reply to a homophobic commenter (the commenter was heavily downvoted- I included it because I liked OOP’s response)

Um…I didn’t see her romantically and I was in the closet. There literally was no reason for me to be weird about it. I stated that she was essentially my sister, I’d never think of her that way.

Just because I’m gay doesn’t mean I’m going to be attracted to every woman. Plus lesbians still use locker rooms with straight women and legit nothing happens. You make no sense.

Also I didn’t deliberately get into nothing, my parents were harassing me about not dating boys so when a boy asked me out I just said yes but broke up with them because I didn’t like leading them on.

It’s not about keeping appearances it was about safety, the things that were said to me, the threats I got. You can’t even imagine.

You have no idea what it’s like to be forced into a role and have no way of getting out. I only came out to her because I felt safe. Instead she put me in an unsafe situation put all my business is on the table WITH added lies.

Also I came to her saying I was in love with another woman, what told her that I was into her? Nothing, she just made it up.

Commenter: NTA, I find it very interesting that her first reaction was disgust about you possibly being attracted to her, which is so typically ignorant…She even told your friends that you’re into her, like how narcissistic is that? Newsflash, lesbians aren’t attracted to every women they see, and bisexuals aren’t attracted to everything.

OOP: Honestly that’s what surprised me the most, like the fact that she assumed I was crushing on her. I have never acted in that manner towards her. I feel like a lot of the flack I’m getting from family and friends is because she spinned some weird story to actually make me look like a creep. My friend who is still talking to me told me she said that she’s describing me as some locker room peeping Tom.

This doesn’t help that I was an athlete in highschool so I had to be in the locker room with other women. I can only imagine what’s being said about me.

Commenter: Soft NTA. Basically because you did the right thing for the wrong reasons. Sure, outing someone’s disease/health issues/whatever like that is generally a dick move, and granted I do have a soft spot for petty revenge and FAFO consequences, but… she still shares stuff

OOP: Yeah I kept trying to get her to stop sharing stuff with people but she said she’s on the medication so it’s okay. I don’t care though I keep all my cups and bowls in my room and my tooth brush. Not that I didn’t trust her but it only takes one mess up and she wasn’t taking anything seriously.

Commenter: What was Emma’s reaction to being outed as sexually active with an STI?

OOP: She called me a big ol B-word among other things. She also said she was glad she had herpes because I probably would have tried to r-word her. Genuinely insane. She’s staying at a relatives house who lives around here until our lease runs out.

Commenter (downvoted): ESH. Like the above poster said, you would’ve eventually came out. Serio…

Content cut off. Read original on https://old.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1f1jpwj/aitah_for_telling_our_family_and_friends_that_my/

  • @[email protected]MEnglish
    1•2 months ago

    Commenter: What was Emma’s reaction to being outed as sexually active with an STI?

    OOP: She called me a big ol B-word among other things. She also said she was glad she had herpes because I probably would have tried to r-word her. Genuinely insane. She’s staying at a relatives house who lives around here until our lease runs out.

    Commenter (downvoted): ESH. Like the above poster said, you would’ve eventually came out. Seriously, you would’ve. She just got you there faster. It was fucked up, but it would’ve happened. Her medical diagnosis was her business. In some places, YOU can get in trouble for what you did. You should’ve picked something else if you needed a tit for tat. […]

    OOP: What other secret was I going to pick? She literally had people wanting to kill me before I sent out that she has herpes. They still want to kill me but they are focusing more on her sharing things even though she knows she has it. You’re mentioning people who don’t know they have it and still share, SHE KNOWS she has it and is still sharing stuff.

    Also I know how common herpes is, that’s why I didn’t give af when she told me she had it. I just got annoyed when she had active infections and tried sharing drinks with me. That’s why she went on the meds because she had both genital and oral and they were constant. Other than that, didn’t care. Though the community I live in is super religious and judgy so all they hear is herpes. So since they are getting violent with me they can be disgusted with her.

    They aren’t going to hurt her over it but they will hurt me. Which is why I will never be able to see my family or friends again.

    Also there is no legal trouble I can get in my state for doing that because I didn’t tell her job.

    I’m pretty sure she can get into more trouble for harassing me, yelling slurs and putting me in a potentially fatal situation. Inciting violence on a gay person kinda sounds like a hate crime I won’t lie.

    Saying I was going to “eventually come out” is screwed up. This isn’t like something you just do. Like I can be hurt over coming out, I was supposed to be able to weigh the risk and benefits but she took that away from me.

    Because of how dangerous it is some people NEVER come out and stay in the closet their whole life.

    Commenter: It [telling] also helped reduce the negative reactions to the private information Emma revealed. OP’s mum disowned OP for this. I’d say if Emma started the fire, OP can use her to reduce it.

    OOP: That’s exactly what happened a good chunk of people who were threatening to show up to my apartment and kill me are now upset with Emma.

    Especially from what I hear, her brother and sister in law are the most mad because she had been kissing up on their baby like last year. She had been on the medication, no active infections and it wasn’t on the mouth so the baby is fine but they don’t understand how herpes work.

    Honestly my town’s ignorance to everything is really shooting her in the foot rn.

    She still could have been shedding the virus and could have killed the baby:

    Oh damn I thought it was just newborns it killed, the baby was 7 months at the time. The baby doesn’t seem to have contracted it luckily but damn. Yeah then they aren’t overreacting, especially if she could have potentially killed their baby.

    Though tbh I just think they didn’t want their kid to seem dirty because most of their comments consisted of them saying that she tried to spread her stds to a child.

    Commenter: You’re in love? Oh please! You’re infatuated. There is nothing wrong with that, but you’re not in love. You don’t even know this chic.

    OOP: I mean 6 months is a decent amount of time but fair she’s just the first crush I’ve been able to pursue in uh…ever so.

    There is no consensus bot on AITAH, but responses were somewhat mixed between NTA and ESH

    Update Post: August 19, 2024 (Next Day)

    So as I stated in my last post Emma is now staying with a relative in our area till our lease ends.

    The actual update on this is this morning Emma’s parents were at my door. They flew out because Emma is refusing to step back into our apartment. So I let them come inside because I wasn’t about to hold Emma’s stuff hostage but I did something stupid. See they didn’t really want to speak to me which was fine but I decided to just wait in my room until they left.

    Me and Emma have an emergency fund that had about 5k in it. I put in roughly 2.7k…they took it. The entire thing. Once I noticed I called them to give me back my money because not all of it is hers and they told me that I earn more then Emma and this was compensation for ruining her reputation. I was like, so it’s okay that she tried to screw me over first?

    Their response, “Emma did not choose this disease you chose yours.”

    I didn’t even respond that I just hung up, honestly I don’t even care. They didn’t take anything else other than the money. I genuinely don’t want to see them anymore.

    Emma also has been cut off from her siblings because they have kids and she was kissing the babies without letting the parent’s know of her diagnosis. She also usually was not taking proper precautions during active outbreaks soo yeah. So now none of her siblings want her around them because they feel “betrayed”.

    Though on a lighter note, me and ruby are officially dating! A commenter kept referring to her as ruby and honestly I think that matches.

    We went out to a fancy Thai spot, watched a movie and then I took her to the water at the edge of the city. I had some stupid playlist set up, I was trying to tone it down but I couldn’t, to excited. I told her how beautiful I thought she was, how I enjoyed spending time with her and if she was okay with it, if I could take her out on a date sometime. I had a whole speech prepared but one of the comments told me I should be simple to not…scare her.

    She laughed at me 😅, she said “this was the first date”

    So that was a yes, I dropped her off at her house and she gave me a kiss before she left and I’m SO HAPPY! IVE NEVER KISSED A GIRL BEFORE GRAHH!

    So yeah I actually give 0 craps about the money I just want them out so I can start my new life. Anyway that was all thanks a lot for the advice and support!

    Relevant Comment:

    Commenter: Tbh I’m pissed by the fact they stole your money Regardless, I guess this was a good ending after all, good for you OP

    OOP: I’ll recover i have my own separate savings but this honestly was just rubbing salt in the wound