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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 on 2024-09-16 04:00:02+00:00.

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Upstairs-Writing5155

WIBTA if I just tell everyone the truth about what is going on, even tho it would ruin my Husband’s image

Originally posted to r/AmItheAsshole & r/AITAH

Thanks to u/queenlegolas & u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU

Previous BoRU

TRIGGER WARNING: attempted murder, mental health issues, violent abuse, accusations of infidelity, obsessive behavior, misogyny, delusional behavior, child abuse

Original Post  March 18, 2024

I am dyslexic and have always been bad at grammar. So excuse me, please.

This is non US.

Okay, so my husband has been dealing with some major issues. We have not yet figured out what it is. But he has been like dealing with certain delusions.

For example, it all started 6 months ago when he was convinced he had caught me cheating because he found a document saying so on my laptop. When I arrived home and he tried looking for it to show me, he obviously couldn’t find it.

He is going to therapy, but ad of right now, we are technically separated and living in different rooms.

It’s just because this keeps happening. A certain insecurity eats itself into my husband, and he becomes convinced that it’s the truth. He either “dreams” proof or he just convinces himself that anything is proof.

Idk what he does with the therapist. But I honestly don’t see it getting better. Last week, he was mad at our daughter (15) because she didn’t want him to drive her to prom and make pictures with her. When I went to ask her, she said that that was not true. She had talked to her dad about what she would like to do when she graduates in 2 years. Her father just got really mad at the perceived Sligh.

The problem is that he keeps talking to people about the “issues.” I was already wondering why so many mutuals stopped responding to me.  But apparently, they all think I am an awful human being and terrible spouse.

I just want to tell people what is going on. Also so they are aware that my husband is basically lying to them and for them to tell me delusions that he might be having that I don’t know.

But at the very beginning of his therapy, he begged me not to tell anyone because people would think he is crazy.

My sister said that it would also be an asshole thing to do that would basically feed into his delusions.

I just feel like I am done. Aita ?

Edit: we already did a brain scan/MRI, and nothing was found

VERDICT: NOT THE ASSHOLE

RELEVANT COMMENTS

OOP describes the delusions more

Obviously, I am not in the medical field. But I can’t describe them as anything else. Mainly because we have not done any of the things he convinced himself of.

For example. He was convinced our oldest daughter (19) was pregnant because she said no to sushi. She was just not in the mood for raw fish. So my husband obviously became obsessed with the idea that our daughter was pregnant. He would go to full rants saying how dare she, we gave her everything etc.

Update  Aug 20, 2024 (5 months later)

I was not allowed to Update on AITA because of the violent content of the post. Here is the link

I thank everyone for their supportive words. Especially the people that have been through something similar. Thank you so much for sharing with me. It makes me feel less alone

Also just because I have seen that a lot of people have not been able to read my first post. I have tried everything from getting him to a real psychologist to having him committed. I have tried with his doctor, with my MIL and with my lawyer. But he has not broken the law or actually assaulted me. Just threatened to kill me and our daughter for being whores. But to the police that does not matter because we don’t matter

so please all the suggestions you have and suggestions to get him committed or that he night have a tumor or dementia or schizophrenia… please stop. I have no fight left in me. I also have no legal ground over him. I can’t care anymore, or I will drive myself insane. He still has a support net. He will never be alone. But that man is dangerous to me and my daughters. And the duty of a parent is above all else

so again, please stop suggesting what he could have or what I should do regarding him, because that job is no longer mine

—‐-------- First off, thank you all for your feedback and support. I took some time to process everything, and honestly, I was at my breaking point. The situation has escalated in ways I never imagined, and I’ve made some tough decisions.

After I posted, things started to unravel quickly. About five months ago, when my husband’s behavior first started escalating, I quietly consulted with a lawyer here . At that time, his delusions had begun to affect our daily lives, and I knew I needed legal advice. The divorce process requires a period of legal separation before the divorce can be finalized. We initiated this process, and I requested full custody of our 15-year-old daughter, given her increasing fear of her father. The court was also concerned and ordered a psychological evaluation for my husband to assess his mental fitness for parenting.

A few weeks into the legal separation, my husband’s paranoia worsened. He started placing Apple AirTags in my car and in our 15-year-old daughter’s backpack, tracking our every move. My daughter was the one who found the AirTag in her bag and was terrified. When I confronted him, he insisted it was for “our safety,” but it was clear to me that his paranoia was spiraling out of control. This incident deeply affected our daughter, who began refusing to see her father.

Around this time, my mother-in-law reached out to me. She was concerned because my husband had accused her of cheating on his father, something that was completely out of character for him. FIL didn’t believe it for a second but was deeply worried about his state of mind. Her reaching out was a small but much-needed relief. She acknowledged that his behavior was erratic and offered her support, knowing that something was seriously wrong.

My older daughter (19) had also become  involved in the situation. She had been quietly documenting her father’s behavior for months. She recorded three different occasions where my husband went on delusive rants. The first was about how I’m supposedly cheating on him with one of my coworkers—a man I barely interact with. The second was about how our 15-year-old daughter was secretly dating someone older and lying to him about it. The third was about how the entire family was conspiring against him to make him look crazy. Watching these videos was heartbreaking, but they validated everything I’d been dealing with privately.

Things escalated further when my husband almost attacked one of my colleagues. He had convinced himself that this man was the “affair partner” I was supposedly seeing behind his back. It took all my strength to physically separate them before the situation turned violent.

As the legal process continued, my lawyer informed me that due to the severity of the situation and the psychological evaluation ordered by the court, my request for full custody was strongly considered. In Spain, courts typically prioritize the well-being of the child, and given my husband’s mental state and the danger he posed, it seemed likely that I would be granted full custody of our 15-year-old daughter. She had made it clear that she didn’t want to see her father, and the court was taking her wishes into account.

In the midst of this, my 19-year-old daughter decided to take matters into her own hands. She posted the three videos she had recorded of her father’s breakdowns on Instagram, along with a compilation of texts, photos, and other evidence she had collected over the past few months. Her intention was to show the world what we had been enduring, but it quickly turned into a public spectacle. The backlash was intense. Some people were horrified and reached out with sympathy and support, while others criticized us for “airing dirty laundry” and accused my daughter of betraying her father.

As the divorce process continued, my husband’s mental health became a significant factor. The psychological evaluation ordered by the court revealed the depth of his delusions, particularly around cheating and female sexuality. It became clear that he was not fit to make decisions regarding our daughters’ well-being. The evaluation supported my claim for full custody, and the court is now in the process of finalizing that decision. In the meantime, all communication between my husband and me is being handled through our lawyers, and I’m ensuring that any interaction between him and our 15-year-old daughter is supervised.

Given the severity of the situation and the damage done to our lives, I’m making plans to move away with my daughter once the legal proceedings are finalized. My reputation in our current community is shattered, thanks to h…

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