Do NOT comment on Original Posts. See rule 7. This sub has a 7-day waiting period so the latest update is at least 7 days old.

Editor’s Note: This Is LONG. OOP’s post that had an official update was the one that I used for the BORU title, however, prior to the first post, she posted on r/raisedbynarcissists and r/legaladvice. Both of these posts contain back story to the OP, so I will include them first.

Trigger Warning: some descriptions of child neglect, financial abuse, possible threat to life

Mood Spoiler: stressful and inconclusive as of now

I refuse to give up my inheritance my dad so desperately wants. January 6, 2023

I’ve had a rocky relationship with my parents (divorced since 1999) my entire life. My father married my step mother in 2000. I was an only child up until this point. She had 4 children from a previous marriage.

In the early days of their marriage, she was pretty toxic to me and to my dads side of the family. Instead of letting relationships between everyone happen organically, she tried to force them.

There’s a lot of backstory here, and I’m trying to trim a lot of fat to still bring us to current day, so bare with me.

When my parents divorced, my dad was allotted 42 days in the summer, and every other weekend. He often would abandon me to be with her family, things would be taken from me and distributed to her children, etc. He would always try to by me off with gifts to make up for hurt feelings. I often felt like I was on the back burner. I spent that time with my grandparents instead.

My grandparents decided to deed me their house when I was 9 because of this. So I’d always have a home when they died. That’s always been a sticking point to my father. He would say things like, “That was such an irresponsible thing to do of them. To deed property to a child.” It clearly didn’t settle well because he has still made comments within the last few years to other people.

My step mother got into an altercation in 2007 where she shoved my grandfather in his front yard to the ground. I was 15 at the time. We didn’t see my grandparents for 8 months after that, and that was after his stroke. Every time my Dad would pull some nonsense or defend his wife’s actions, my grandmother would me petty and change the Will. Slowly keeping land from him for when they pass.

After this incident, I often wondered why he didn’t leave her. They both have a history of only thinking of themselves to the point my grandfather died with poor credit because my dad took out loans and cards in his name.

Before he retired, he didn’t save a penny. He’s been grifting in ways. He has military retirement, but my step mom blows through it. I’ve been married for 8 years and I have a child. Before I had mine, my Dad and Step mother had 7 other grandchildren. They now have 11 total. My daughter is the only blood relation to my dad. He didn’t get to see her because my step mom kept him from seeing her for the first 3 years of her life. When they split I feel like I get quality time with him, and I’ve learned to set boundaries over the years to keep me or my child from being hurt.

I’ve spent the last decade of my adult life trying to heal my inner child and not carry that baggage into my child’s life. Learning to love and forgive. If not forgive, at least make peace. I’ve tried to rekindle a relationship with my father so that he can have a relationship with my daughter. Him and my step mother have been on the rocks for 5 years and have separated twice. He can’t seem to get away. Given where I am in life, it feels like they want something. If not now, then when?

I am married and own my own home. We make a good income and work hard for what we have.

I’ve been dreading my entire life for the moment that both my grandparents would be put to rest. It’s been difficult in itself to process the loss of someone who was essential in my upbringing. Showing unconditional love and teaching me how to function like an adult when I was ready to step into the world.

Well that time is now. We laid my grandmother to rest on at the end of last year. The way the deed was made, it transfers to me immediately at her death. My dad doesn’t know I have seen the Will. I chose not to say anything to have the upper hand.

One of my step siblings has already asked me to deed the house to my dad and step mother in private. It’s all so fresh and I find it incredibly distasteful to reach out to me when we are still going over the process of settling an estate which is now a lifetime trust. Someone had to have given her my number, as I changed in two years back and was very selective who had the new number. Her children would often ask us for money and it got tiring. I felt used after awhile.

My dad stayed at my grandparents house during the week of the funeral. He’s been taking things out of the home for years. Little things here and their like vintage glassware, etc. Out of a precaution, I have changed the locks and put cameras up. Not just to keep them out, but because various caregivers had keys to the home and it’s sitting empty for the time being. There’s a lot of work that needs to be done but will have to take place this summer.

I have no intentions on giving him the house. His attitude has changed with me and he won’t answer my daughters calls. It is all very subtle, but enough to cause alarm. I’m afraid he will take from the sheds, break in or try to fight me over it. Perhaps he’s still grieving or he now knows I’ve seen the Will. Am I the AH for refuse considering to give it to my Dad? It’s not like they left him with nothing. He gets stocks and acres. But the way the Will is drafted everything he owns goes back to the estate, and to me. Not to his wife and her kids when he passes.

Am I handling this right? How should I?

Relevant Comments:

xrebxbiex:

You are definitely doing the right thing. Stick to your guns and don’t feel bad about getting authorities involved if and when you have to. His actions are his own and he can face any consequences that arise from them. This is your inheritance and there’s a reason it’s not his.

salymander_1:

Do not give any of those horrid people a goddamn thing. They are awful. Your grandparents intended for you to have everything for a very good reason. Respect their wishes. You are not doing anything wrong.

It is not your responsibility to protect people from the well deserved consequences of their own actions.

I doubt any of them would lift a finger to help you, but they are all over you for you to do things for them. They are greedy, selfish people, and this is the result of their behavior.

Editor’s Note: OOP also posted in some home reno subs for advice on fixing up their old house and their grandparents’ home they’ll be moving into. They also posted on some real estate subs about selling their current house, but I will leave those out of the BORU. You can view them on her profile if you want more in-depth information.

Kentucky Filial Laws September 2, 2023

I (30F) have historically had a rough relationship with my father (63M). I don’t know if you could call us estranged, but we have a fairly toxic relationship and I always end up going no contact when he throws his fits.

In recent years, he’s gotten upset with me and threatened that I would be legally obligated to care for him when he becomes desolate. He is a veteran, so I’d hope that the VA would be of some sort of assistance.

The man has lied, and stolen from me in my adult years. As a teen he simply put me last in favor of my step mother and her children. I went through physical, emotional and financial abuse. They continue to do so but have had less control over my life since I went to college 12 years ago.

For the last decade he has lived in RVs. He has nothing to show for savings out of 28 years served. I imagine my step mother spent it all. Fast forward to January, I inherited my late grandmother’s home. It’s been deeded to me since 2001. He tried to move into it the day after the funeral. I then changed the locks. He is now upset once again. This is an entire story in itself but his character is why he got shafted out of property in his parents will.

I fully intend of moving out of the forsaken state of Florida to move into my inherited Kentucky home to be mortgage free. I am a stay at home parent. My husband is the bread winner.

So my question is, when he or my step mother fall into ill health, will I be legally obligated to care for him being as I don’t have income of my own? Or will they go after my husbands paychecks? I want free of this man and the trauma and abuse he’s historically put me through. I’m distraugh…

Content cut off. Read original on https://old.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1fhom86/making_my_senior_parents_homeless/

Making My Senior Parents Homeless

Making My Senior Parents Homeless

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Do NOT comment on Original Posts. See rule 7. This sub has a 7-day waiting period so the latest update is at least 7 days old.