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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 on 2024-10-26 04:02:02+00:00.

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/splendidesme

My friend and her mother are being scammed mercilessly. Need some advice, please.

Originally posted to r/Scams

EDITOR’S NOTE: OOP used the initials S (in the 1st post) and M (in the 2nd post) for the same person, so for continuity I used the name Sarah for easier reading

TRIGGER WARNING: financial abuse, emotional abuse

Original Post Apr 3, 2024

A friend and her mother are both being scammed, and it’s been going on for several years. It’s scary and terrible.

First, the mother: She’s 95 years old and a few years ago fell for a sweepstakes scam (supposedly Publishers Clearinghouse) and gave the scammers $40,000. i just learned to my utter astonishment and dismay that the mother is STILL in touch with her scammers. She has changed her cellphone number THREE TIMES, and somehow they still get her new number. Her daughter, my friend Sarah, says that it’s like they’re always one step ahead of her. The next step is for the mother to get a new landline number, because she still has and still uses a landline (i don’t know why). But i hope they will do this asap.

Just now, Sarah told me that this morning alone, one of four men who keep calling her mother called 30 times in succession, claiming to be from the FDIC and threatening her with jail. This man also mentioned Sarah’s name to the mother, claiming that Sarah has been reporting her mother to the FDIC.

Y’all, this is so complicated and so fucked up. They’re terrorizing and confusing this very sweet and trusting old lady, and Sarah doesn’t know what to do.

Can this activity be reported to someone? They’ve tried local law enforcement and have been blown off (“If she’s capable of living alone and making her own decisions, then there’s nothing we can do. She’s choosing of her own free will to talk to these people.”). Does this type of harassment qualify as a crime? Would the FBI help?

Meanwhile, Sarah is the victim of a very long romance scam (four years!). She’s convinced that she’s been having an online relationship with a famous musician and that he’s going to leave his wife of 50 years and marry Sarah. They’ve never met, never talked on the phone (except once briefly at the very beginning), never video chatted (because his phone camera doesn’t work, of course). Nothing but texts on Telegram. She’s given this scammer money, probably a lot of money (maybe directly wiring it? Maybe via gift cards? Maybe via Bitcoin? Maybe all three? i suspect so.) The good news is that after months of my trying to just be a good, nonjudgy listener, and trying to give her facts (about how/why she’s obviously being scammed) and let them sink in, and never pushing her, she’s maybe finally starting to realize that she’s been acting like a cult member for the past four years. But she’s still really in denial.

Apologies for the length of this post. So worried about the mother and about Sarah, whose mental health is fragile at best, at times. Do y’all have ideas about what can be done for her mom?

Not sure what this scam is called. It has to do with “shipping precious possessions.” Oct 1, 2024

My friend is the victim of a romance scam, which has been ongoing for more than FOUR AND A HALF YEARS. (i know.) She believes that a famous rock musician is trying to divorce his evil wife and that as soon as that gets cleared up, he will come live with my friend happily ever after. She’s impervious to reason, logical argument, and expressions of alarm; she’s given this person many, many thousands of dollars. (Her own elderly mother is the victim of a Publishers Clearinghouse scam, also ongoing.)

The latest thing that’s happened – and that i’m not sure what to call – is that The Famous Rock Star is going to send my friend some of his most prized and precious possessions so that she can “store them safely” for him. Why he can’t store them safely where he lives (either France or England, supposedly) (but of course more likely Port Arthur, Nigeria) or in his office, or with a trusted friend or associate, rather than sending them across the ocean to my friend, is unknown.

i’ve begged her to please not agree to receive this supposed shipment, because it’s not real, and she’ll never see these “precious possessions.” But what WILL happen is that once they’re “sent,” her Famous Rock Star boyfriend (or his “agent,” or somesuch) will contact her to say that there’s been a delay, and she needs to pay a special “tariff” or “fee” or “surcharge” or whatever, and that this will happen multiple times, and each time he will pressure her into paying.

Not sure what this scam is called. Has anyone else heard of it or experienced it? i can find many resources online, videos, etc., about different kinds of scams but not this one specifically. i looked in the list of scams on this sub and didn’t find a description of it (but may have missed it). i’d love to be able to send her links to videos that describe this scam. Because even though it feels hopeless, she’s still my friend, and i still hope somehow to get through to her, however unlikely that feels right now.

Sad update Oct 19, 2024

Some time back I posted about my friend, Sarah, who is the victim of a Facebook romance scam. It’s now approaching FIVE YEARS that she’s been giving money to her scammer – whom she believes to be a member of a famous and influential rock band.

It turns out that not only has she been wiring this criminal money (she’s depleted an inheritance, the proceeds from a property sale, and retirement funds), but she’s also been sending electronics (smartphones, Apple watches, iPads) as well as Steam and Razor Gold cards. In fact, her bank called her in for a meeting because (as her fiduciary) they were extremely concerned that she was overusing her debit card (to the tune of $1,000+/week for those cards). She got mad and closed her account (which of course is not what the bank’s goal was) and then for some reason opened a new account at a bank that’s 30 miles from where she lives and has no local branches. Now her friends fear that she’s going to sell the house that her ancient mother lives in (the house is in Sarah’s name) to get even more money to send.

She adamantly refuses to listen to her friends, relatives, or even concerned physicians. We have tried everything, and I mean everything. She’s thrown away in excess of $750K at this point and STILL says that she “loves” her “baby.” Oh, and this is a person whom she’s never video chatted with and never even spoken to on the phone.

It’s hard to watch, and there’s nothing left to do. There’s no moral to this sad story except perhaps: Intervene as soon as humanly possible when this kind of thing starts happening with your loved ones. I didn’t find out about my friend until more than two years after she got hooked. At that point, she’d pretty much been completely psychologically overtaken.

RELEVANT COMMENTS

creepyposta

The only thing I can think of at this point is reaching out to the management of the musician / band at having them confirm that it is an impersonator.

That’s a long shot, of course, but aside from that, and maybe not even that, would convince her.

I’m sure he’s said that this is a secret and the management doesn’t know or he’s forbidden from talking to fans or whatever.

OOP

I did this, months ago. I explained the situation to a member of this musician’s team. They said, “Thanks for letting us know. You might want to contact Facebook to let them know.” I even contacted various fan groups of this musician asking for ideas/help. Nothing.

~

great_molassesflood

If she’s been sending electronics she might be also being used as a !parcelmule

OOP

Yes, I agree. I talked to her about this as some length and tried to scare her about engaging in illegal activities. She simply refused to listen and said that her baby would never do this to her. I know she goes running to him as soon as she and I have talked, and she tells him everything, at which point he convinces her that I’m the evil one.

But if I give up altogether, then he has won even more handily, by isolating her completely.

TheCatAteMyGymsuit

Check out Catfished on YouTube, OP. Their team researches scammers and then presents people with evidence that they’re not who they say they are. Sometimes they’re really effective in changing the victim’s mind.

OOP

i’ve watched a bunch of those videos! The trick is that the victim has to agree to participate.

It’s hard for me to describe how profoundly Sarah is into her delusion. She simply cannot acknowledge what’s really going on (maybe the theory of sunk cost fallacy is at play, at least in part). This is why she continues to send him money, despite the fact that he continually lies about when he’s coming to see her (and of…

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