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Trigger Warnings: using someone from a marginalized group as a prop

Mood Spoiler: weird and frustrating, but OOP will be ok

Original Post: October 29, 2024

This happen yesterday and I’m still confused.

Yesterday was my first day back to work after being off for two weeks. This is kinda important. One of my coworkers had gotten engaged the week before I left. When she announced at work we all did the congratulations and happy for her type of things. I thought it was over. So when I left for vacation the last I knew no plans had yet been made. Then yesterday when I went back to work my boss Kim and best friend Laura said that coworker Claire was looking for me. I asked what was up and they weren’t sure but she was carrying a little gift bag.

A few minutes later Claire found me and asked how my vacation was. I was telling them about it and she cut me off and said she had a very important question to ask. She handed a little gift bag and asked if I would be her best man of honor for her wedding. I thanked her and told her that typically this would traditionally go to a close female relationship. She responded that there was nothing traditional about her wedding so it was good. I looked over at Laura and Kim who were both trying to keep from laughing. I again thanked her congratulated her and told her that I wasn’t interested in being part of her wedding party and that I would be happier being a guest in the audience.

I swear when I said this it was when we watched her entire demeanor changed and a switch flipped. She went off saying that I have to be in her wedding and that she doesn’t understand why I would say no. I told her that we only knew each other for a short time and that I had no interest in trying to plan parties, dinners, and shopping trips. She told me I needed to think about it and she would get back to me later. I told her go for it but my answer will be the same.

She walked away and I looked at Kim and Laura and asked what the ever loving fresh creepy hell was that??? Kim started to laugh and said she didn’t know. But saying no like I did might have saved me a lot of headaches in the future. Laura made the comment that she went straight to bridezilla and this was a look into what she was going to be like.

Claire came back today however she went with a different approach and handed me a list of what she wants me to do and her vision of how she sees things. I asked her why she gave me this and she said that as her man of honor these were my responsibilities. I told her again that I was not going to do any of this. She started again that she needs me to do this and “How much fun it was going to be.” Then she asked “Haven’t you ever wanted to be part of something special?” I told her I was. I was a nurse. Enter Kim who could sense that I needed help and told Claire one of her patients needed her help. I told Kim that if this keeps up I might need her help. She said she was already watching it and and would intervene if I needed it.

What did I miss??? We aren’t that close. She just transferred down to my unit from a different unit six months ago. I had no idea who she was until that point. Laura is saying that she is close in age to me and she might feel that to be enough of a connection. Did I miss something??? When we are asked are we supposed to automatically gush and jump up and down in excitement? Why is saying No a bad thing?

Some of OOP’s Comments:

Commenter: It seems Kim is useless here. You really need to go over Kim’s head and nip this in the bud right now because Claire isn’t taking “No” for an answer.

OOP: Kim will help. I know she will. She is just waiting to see what her next step is. I have had to have her help with a work issue before. If I have problems with her the next time we work together the I’ll let Kim loose.

Could this be some weird way to flirt?

It won’t work with me. I like dick. LOL And I have a boyfriend. LOL

Commenter: I’m not an expert but isn’t this an HR issue now. I mean isn’t that like harassment?

OOP: It becomes an issue if I report it. My boss is seeing all of it so far and has said that she is watching the situation and will intervene if it keeps going. I’m off tomorrow so I won’t see her for a couple of days.

Commenter: She wants to show off how different and edgy she is by having a man of honor.

She may also admire your organizing skills and get it done demeanor and thinks you’ll throw her great wedding related parties.

OOP: I’m a bad gay guy friend. I’m organized when it comes to a lot of things. But planning a wedding is something have never done and really don’t want to learn to do. If I were to ever get married it’s midnight under a full moon at the beach with a few friends and a cook out the next day. LOL

Commenter: Okay, this is going to sound weird, but since she’s advertising that it’s a non-traditional wedding, is it possible she’s after you for a specific reason? Are you gay or part of a racial minority? It’s possible she wants her wedding to look super diverse for instagram reasons and maybe she’s after you for a specific vibe In the pictures. Regardless of the reason, NTA.

OOP: I don’t know her background. Yes I am gay and the entire department knows it because I was dating a former nurse and we broke up now I’m dating someone from a different department and it’s all known. All she said was it was a less than traditional wedding and it would be okay. Yesterday K and L asked if I was afraid of something about it. Maybe if I had to wear a dress. I said I would fucking rock the dress. I might need a push up to fill out the front of a dress if it’s strapless. LOL. But I just don’t want anything to do with it. I have no interest. My life is crazy enough right now. Planning a wedding would go from crazy to insane.

Update Post 1: October 30, 2024 (Next Day)

Hey everyone.

First I apologize. I never thought this was going to go as crazy as it did. I want all of you to know I read all of your responses and responded to as many as I was able to. Thank you all for your amazing insights and comments. Many that made me laugh. Which I needed. I have been sick and that really helped to cheer me up.

I had to meet with my lawyer today regarding family issues. [editor’s note- OOP goes into detail about those issues in other posts on his profile, but they weren’t relevant here so I didn’t include them] My neighbor/best friend/coworker Laura took me. I really felt awful and driving wasn’t a good idea. We were talking about this on the way and we both were asking a lot of the same questions that all you were asking. The big one was that we were asking about the circumstances of her transfer. She went from Med Surge 4W to the ER. That is a huge change. I have to work tomorrow so we will see what happens. But Laura and I are going to ask Kim about the transfer and raise a couple of other concerns. After I got home from the meeting with my lawyer I slept for the rest of the day.

Many of you asked about if Claire and I hang out outside of work. The answer is no. I really don’t know anything about her. I have helped her a few times with patients and different things. But our relationship is 100% purely work related. That was why I was so surprised that she asked me to do this. That is why I was so surprised that she asked me about being the Man of Honor. I have a very small friend base and in all honesty I like to keep it that way.

I really have no interest in being a part of this. I’m not a wedding person. After reading so many Bridezilla stories and hearing about over the top weddings they have become a huge turn off to me spending tens of thousands to hundreds of thousands of dollars with insane unrealistic demands that turn people against each other. Why??? I would rather use that money and spend that time planning my next trip or vacation.

Many people said that I was being used as a token or prop in a wedding. Or a gay Best Friend. I never really thought about it. I admit that I’m out and proud. But I’m not going to just pretend to be someone friend just so they can fulfill some kind of fetish they have for wanting to have a gay best friend or some kind of status she feels the need to fulfill. It takes me a lot to get offended but if this were actually the case then I would really be rather offended. I was not put on the face of the Earth to be someones play toy.

A lot of people have said that maybe she doesn’t have a boyfriend. She does. She has brought him in before. If she has any insecurity I …

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Coworker asked me to be her man of honor. I said no and she went nuts. What did I miss?

Coworker asked me to be her man of honor. I said no and she went nuts. What did I miss?

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