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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 on 2024-11-10 05:01:15+00:00.
I am not The OOP, OOP is u/VittoriaVici
I [24f] was just uninvited from a wedding that had already started. Am I overreacting?
Original Post Dec 10, 2016
Today, my 24m partner and I 24f (let’s call him Eric) were invited to the wedding of one of his oldest friends from school. We received our save the date months ago, and the invite was addressed “to Eric and Vicky”. Our invite stated we were invited for the whole shebang, the service, the breakfast and the evening reception. Our Rvsp required both of our dietary requirements for the breakfast, which we replied to ages ago. I thought this was pretty awesome and generous of the bride and groom, as I had never met either of them and Eric was only close with the bride, so it was a very nice gesture.
The wedding is a few hours away from where we live, and since neither of us drive, I booked train tickets in advance which came to about £60 each return and an air bnb, which worked out at £90 between us (we don’t earn a lot so this is quite a big spend to justify, however since they had invited us to the whole wedding we thought it would be rude not to go). The bride also specified colours we should wear, so I bought a new outfit since I didn’t have anything formal that would be suitable. Not the end of the world, but with Christmas coming up it was a bit difficult and I had to be really frugal all through November to make it work. Total spend was probably double what I would spend monthly on “fun” stuff like going out for dinner or drinks or new clothes.
We got to the service and it was beautiful, the bride looked lovely and it was very emotional. I get nervous at weddings (couldn’t say why!) and so I hadn’t eaten beforehand, figuring the 4 course breakfast would fill me up nicely. After the ceremony, we went straight into the venue to have drinks and sit down at tables. We were towards the back of the line into the venue and so half the congregation had already sat down. We glanced at the seating plan, saw Eric’s name and headed over.
There was no place setting for me. Eric found his name but there weren’t any free seats at the table. Eric sat down, and I asked an usher whether there was a mistake. He didn’t know, so he waved over the bride. She and I had never met before, but she seemed friendly - until she opened her mouth.
“Oh no, you’re not part of the breakfast - the invitation was just for the reception and service. You’re welcome to come back later.”
This was in front of most of the guests who had already sat down, in a big venue - probably 140ish seats. The usher suggested I go to the pub. Eric didn’t know what to do but didn’t want to cause a scene, so he stayed put and quiet. I quite literally have never felt so embarrassed and humiliated in my life. I left, and it was raining heavily (hadn’t brought an umbrella, since it was an indoor wedding) and being in a rural place, I had to walk about 20 minutes to get anywhere else. The usher had suggested a pub where “the other guests are” so I just kept walking, but my shoes were literally ruined and soaked through. As well as being pretty damn cold because it’s December and I was dressed for a wedding.
Get to the pub to find a handful of merrymakers drinking heavily (at 2pm) in wedding clothes, introduced myself kind of awkwardly as they were total strangers, and they were luckily really nice. They invited me to sit with them and tell them about the service - all of them had only been invited to the reception. I asked one of them if I could see their invite, and it was crystal clear that they were evening guests. There was no mention of the service or the breakfast, nor their dietary requirements. I apparently was the only person who was invited, and then uninvited, to the whole 'do. I sat with them and had some food, because I was starving, but they all started leaving to “get ready” at about 4pm. Being a total stranger, I didn’t think it best to ask to come with them, but I had never been to this town before and besides Eric, I didn’t know anybody. Since being ejected at 1.30pm ish, I was expected to just hang until 7.30pm when the reception started.
So I left. I feel so unwelcome and unwanted that I just wanted to go home. The evening do will start in about half an hour, without me, but I just can’t bring myself to attend knowing that half the guests watched me being asked to leave by the bride herself. I traded in my train ticket, which was a return for tomorrow, and now I’m travelling back alone. I texted Eric to tell him, but he didn’t respond. I’ve been holding back tears since I was ejected, 6 hours ago, and I feel completely torn. I don’t understand what happened with the invite, whether it was a mistake or whether I was just supposed to know that it was only for Eric - despite being addressed to both of us, despite asking for both of our dietary requirements, despite explicitly stating we were invited to the whole wedding. Part of me feels like I should have gone to the evening reception too, but I’m soaked through, my hair and makeup look awful, my shoes are unwearable (I am barefoot on a really gross floor right now) and I’m freezing. I look a mess and I feel so stupid.
Did I mess up here? I feel like I’ve just been totally fucked over, and I’m really upset that Eric didn’t stand up for me or say anything or leave the breakfast with me, although I think that’s less because of malice and more that he’s just a bit hopeless when put on the spot. I’ve never heard of a wedding where you invite a plus 1, by name, but then they aren’t invited to as much of the wedding as the other half of the couple. Nobody else at the wedding had this happen. I don’t see how it can be personal since I’ve never met any of them before. I’m really upset and can’t wrap my head around how weird today has been. If this happened to you what would you do?
Tldr; went to a wedding, got uninvited halfway through. Am I overreacting by being hurt?
Edit: so this blew up way more than I expected. Thank you everyone for your words of support, it’s really helped and I’ve gone from a for wobbly wet mess to a cackling harpy with my big glass of wine. You guys don’t hold back on your opinions and I kind of love it, It’s now nearly bedtime here, Eric stayed at the party and presumably is stillthere. I came home and feel a lot better for knowing how a shitty a situation this was. Karma’s a bitch, and when they go low we go high -so l’m going to go to bed and sleep on it and think about next steps in the morning. A lot of people think I should dump Eric, whereas that had never crossed my mind, I was mostly pissed off with the bride and the MOH who may have been involved too, I don’t know. Eric will be coming home sometime tomorrow, and we’re going to talk. I want to hear his piece because he’s been drinking since lunchtime, he might just be a dumdum rather than a a full blown asshole. Either way, no wined-up sudden decisions right now. I will try and come back and update as and when anything else happens. Thanks everyone <3
RELEVANT COMMENTS
PlainTruthiness
The person who messed up was the Bride who is an utter word I don’t use but she is, and Eric, who is appalling. I absolutely cannot believe that he didn’t walk out with you, what the hell was he thinking. Did he used to date the bride or the bride’s sister?
OOP
Funny you say that. The maid of honour is his ex. Although we were not aware until we saw her name in the wedding booklet at the ceremony that she would even be there. However there is a lot of bad blood between them, if she was going to intervene to remove anybody, it would have been him.
Update Dec 20, 2016 (10 days later)
Basically I went to a wedding of my boyfriend’s oldest friend from school and got uninvited from the wedding breakfast as it was starting. My boyfriend stayed at the wedding.
EDIT: For some reason my first post was deleted, for convenience here are screenies so you can read what was there.
I hadn’t expected the big reaction to my first post, and just want to say thank you to everyone who gave advice and was supportive. I was feeling super shitty when I initially posted, and after an hour of drinking wine and reading your comments I felt a lot more sane and calm. I wanted to clarify a few things that people were confused about or that weren’t clear in my first post:
I’m in the UK, and our weddings are different to the way weddings are held in the US. Traditionally, there is a ceremony, the wedding “breakfast” which is a sit down three course meal (although it’s called breakfast it is usually in the afternoon), followed by speeches, and then an evening reception which is like a disco. It’s not uncommon for people to invite only relatives and close friends to the ceremony and breakfast, then invite lots of evening guests for the reception. However it is uncommon to invite somebody to the ceremony and reception, but not the breakfast, as t…
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Glad she ended dude should have left with her. Death do us part and all.