\*\***I am NOT OP. The OP of this story is** u/Amayax.\*\* **Trigger Warnings:** >!**Ableism.**!< --- [Teacher took my daughter's phone, which...
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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Sebastianlim on 2024-11-14 01:16:26+00:00.

**I am NOT OP. The OP of this story is u/Amayax.**

Trigger Warnings: Ableism.

Teacher took my daughter’s phone, which she is allowed to have., Posted September 18th, 2024.

I had to write this bit to get it off my chest, I hope this is the right place to do this as it is not resolved yet, so waiting might suffice too, otherwise I can remove it.

My daughter of 13 is autistic with selective mutism. She can join regular school programs with a few adaptations. One of them is that she can keep her phone with her at all times as she uses it to communicate through writing. If she can use her laptop, she will, but if not, she is allowed to use her cellphone because that is the fastest way for her. There are some conditions to it, like no social media and only actually using it if the teacher approves it. She has a copy of the form for this with all the conditions in her bag too. They assured us it would all be fine and that her agreed needs would be met. We were very happy with that because she loves it at regular education. She spend a brief time in special education, and she grew very stressed there because everyone is too different. In regular education, she can “see the logic in the people” as she puts it.

Today they had an internet outage and she had to do some work on paper. Since her laptop wasnt used in class, she had her cellphone on her desk, as per the agreement. This led to the teacher taking it due to the schools no-phones policy. My daughter tried writing it out that in stressful events (like her phone being taken) she can’t speak, so she is allowed to have her phone with her to communicate. In her opinion, she was not using it. She had it on the table because her bag had to be in the classroom shelves and her clothes had no pockets, which is stated in the agreement to be fine. The teacher didn’t believe it and said that he would check it in the student monitoring system once the internet started working again. Until he could check it, he would hold her phone in his desk. She could pick it up once the internet started working and he could check it, or when she went home. She made a last attempt to write and sign (she learned sign language due to her mutism) to ask if she could grab her bag to show the form, but the teacher wasn’t willing to budge. She let me know that he seemingly told her that if she wants to sign, she should go to a school for the deaf. Her solution to turn on her phone’s wifi so he could access the internet and check also gained her some comments saying she should stop trying to know better. Throughout the day, he never wanted to take the time to look at the form. She still had classes and there still was no internet, so he wasn’t handing anything back.

She couldn’t go home however, because my husband would pick her up after he got a message saying she had all of her classes for the day. It was a bit of a messy schedule and she was not sure if she would be done at 2 or 3, so she would let him know.

At 3:05, hubby didn’t get a message yet, so he called her because she should have mesaged him way earlier when she knew her schedule. She didnt pick up as the teacher still had her phone, so the military man in him woke up and he went straight to school to go find out what happened. He found her sitting outside the school where she had been after being done at 2 and she used his phone to explain what happened and how she had to do the entire day without a phone and it stressed her out a lot. The stress also blocked her from finding another solution, and since it was her first week she didn’t have any people to go to. All her teachers are new as she switched from primary to secondary school so she didn’t know anyone, and teachers didn’t know her. The only teacher we did speak to extensively happened to be home with a nasty cold, to add to the misfortune.

Hubby went inside with her to collect her phone, but they found the teacher who took the phone had already left. The phone was still inside his desk as they heard it ringing there when they went to look and he called it. However, the desk was locked and none of the janitors had a key. Hubby was not happy.

We have a parent-teacher talk planned for tomorrow, with the teacher who took the phone, a school councillor and one of the school directors.

The story is what my daughter and hubby told me, I have yet to hear the school’s side, but I had to write it down because my mind is overloading with emotions. I really understand that schools have rules, and misunderstandings over rules can occur. As this so far shows, at the root of any misunderstanding is a miscommunication. The mother in me is still very angry and a bit regretful despite me also understanding that this is just that, a miscommunication that is caused by a larger chain of unlucky events.

A similar event happened a few years back at her primary school, she was able to gather the courage to go back to class the next day because one of her two favorite teachers there helped her. Today she signed “I hate school”, while she usually spend extra hours at school because she loved it so much.

Relevant Comments:

I’d consult a lawyer because that’s theft.

Thank you for your time and thought :)

I am not sure where I stand legally, but I always like to see if things can be resolved rather than accused. The only thing I want to get out if it all is more understanding for my daughter, so she can get to room to grow into a good person. Regardless of legality, I don’t think any lawyer or legal cases can open the doors we need to get there.

If this is on her IEP or other ed plan, this meeting needs to happen before the start of school! (Led by the special education coordinator.)

This is very bad. Look at your state’s education site and find out your rights. Teacher needs to be disciplined—he could lose his job! Principal and special education coordinator need to be proactive about this stuff! What about kids who need epi pens? Are they ignored too?

As a retired special educator, reading this really steams my clams. Really poor job by the school.

The agreement about the phone was a first step in this, to bridge a gap towards a full plan. Unfortunately we didn’t get to have a meeting before school because of what I call desk politics. Her application didn’t pass the needed desks, so we had to wait. It is planned for next week, so we had our fingers crossed for her classes to be smooth. Unfortunately it didn’t go as hoped.

I hope there are solutions and understanding ahead of us, so my daughter doesn’t have to worry about that and she can turn her energy towards growing up.

OP, we’re sorry that your daughter went through this. We definitely need an update after you meet with the school. I’m sure we all want to know what excuse the teacher and school will have, other than “we’re sorry this happened and it was a miscommunication”.

For the future, I wonder if it would help to make copies of the agreement and personally hand one to each teacher. I know it’s extreme but then the teacher can’t say they were never told

I hope so too. Your suggestion is indeed one of the ideas we want to bring to the table tomorrow. I just hope that we have solutions and understanding ahead of us, so my daughter no longer has to worry.

We also have had to deal with teachers who really think the four walls of the school they work in give them complete control over the students. They sometimes forget that these kids have lives and parents outside those four walls. Approach calmly and present the facts and what you expect. I’m glad you pulled in more than just the teacher. If this can’t be resolved tomorrow, escalate to the next level. A lot of times these teachers just need to see you in person and you’ll never have a problem again. 

I very much hope that no escalation is needed, and that we only have positivity ahead of us, so my daughter can focus on learning and growing up to be a good person. I am a part time teacher to adults who have faced trauma or difficulties that have left them without a grade, helping them get a level 1 grade so they can get jobs. So this hits me personally as well as professionally. Hopefully we get to help the teacher towards a better understanding.

None of the janitors had keys? They also didn’t an universal desk opener, aka a crowbar?

They had to the doors, but not to desks. Usually the locked drawer is to house items that shouldn’t be accessable to anyone, and I think that is the reason why (it is my own thought, not a given reason).

Knowing my hubby, he probably restrained himself to not escalate anything. Otherwise a universal desk opener would have definitly been brought to the table (/desk).

It’s not a miss communication if she’s communicating and he’s refusing to listen because he’s on a power trip.

I do very much agree, to me this is a miscommunication due to a disfunctional recipient. Knowing my little sender, she would have tried sending smoke signals if she thought it would have helped, because she loves sending :)

Updateme

*What are the laws about special consideration for impaired students where you live? In the US, the sc…

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  • @[email protected]MEnglish
    1•2 days ago

    Updateme

    What are the laws about special consideration for impaired students where you live? In the US, the school and teacher could have major liabilities.

    Usually there are plans for them, with regular meetings to see if the plans are accurate. Due to desk politics (the applications hadn’t passed every needed desk in time) this meeting was set next week. The phone agreement was to bridge the gap, in the hopes it would lead to proper understanding for the time being.

    There are probably liability strings we can pull, but I very much hope to avoid that. I prefer to find a solution together that presents the teacher with more understanding and my daughter with an eased heart, and leave this in the past as a “how not to” example. No legal actions can compare to the opportunity to find a solution through care. :)

    This makes me mad, I also had this issue in high school. I was allowed my phone due to my anxiety as I had a heartrate detector on my phone. If my anxiety got out of hand, I needed to check my heart rate because I could pass out. My teacher saw me on my phone and snatched it right out of my hands and pocketed it. When I tried to explain my IEP ( like a 504 plan), I was allowed my cellphone to keep an eye on my heart rate. I was told a phone is a phone, and if I was on it, I was texting. I later collapsed in the hallway as I was unable to check and sit if needed. My mother thankfully went mama bear mode the next day, and the teacher had to get training on disability and medical needs. Don’t let them make excuses. They took a tool for her disability that helps her communicate. It’s wrong and cruel!

    I love reading this. The people involved in her therapy are looking into signs that her mutism acts up, and they suggested to look into heart rate. So we hope it will give her another tool to use. The more they find, the more tools we can get to help her communicate that her symptoms are acting up.

    Anything that helps us get more understanding in the people around her is a blessing :)

    A school is supposed to avoid such situations because it only hurt the kid! I really hope it will end well and your daughter will feel comfortable and enjoy there again.

    I very much agree with you. I am only a part-time teacher myself, teaching adults who due to trauma or disability need a level 1 degree later in life to work, but my number one priority is to a mentor in their growth, their professional education is always second. No amount of knowledge can replace love and care for eachother.

    I would ask if the teacher had received and signed documentation for the IEP. If so, the teacher is the issue. If there is no signed documentation, then the SPED department at the school is going he issue.

    That is indeed one of my questions. The only signed documentation is the phone agreement, but we are set to start a plan next week (desk politics postponed that) and the current agreement was to bridge the gap. The form she carried with her was the signed documentation she could show at any time, but she unfortunately didn’t get the chance. I hope tomorrow we can get solutions for problems that led to this, so my daughter can grow up in ease :)

    This infuriates me. I’m a sub and at one of the schools I sub at there’s a kid with a neat little translation device. He speaks only Spanish (for now) and the kids taught me to use it. I can’t IMAGINE deciding I needed to confiscate his only method of communicating with everyone.

    This teacher needs to be fired, and if he’s not, you need to demands she be moved to a different teacher.

    I very much agree. I am a part-time teacher, and one of my students has to wear sunglasses due to a brain injury. The school rule is no sunglasses (no worries, she can wear them!), my rule is to compliment every new pair she wears :)

    Asshole was definitely on a power trip, your poor daughter. How is she now?

    Please keep us updated!

    She is doing better. She grabbed her precious plush turtle, hid in her large plush turtle shell (her safe space) and had one of our dogs as her guardian until she came out. He is not a support dog, but he did pick up on her signs and will do anything to help her calm down again.

    She joined us for dinner and was back to the little ball of enthousiasm we know, telling us all about her great day at school. Which was a comfy ride in daddy’s car and a very fun class of chemistry where “a very funny teacher” (her exact words, different teacher) made flames dance to music. We don’t talk about the class after that one and the rest of the day for now :)

    Update:

    UPDATE: Thank you all for taking the time to read my post and your messages. I apologize for not being able to reply to them all.

    My daughter returned to her cheerful self after getting some time alone. She started the day yesterday with a chemistry and physics class where the teacher (different teacher than the one who took her phone) entertained them with various demonstrations while the internet was down. She was mostly impressed by him letting flames “dance” to music. So it was not a fully negative day.

    We had a talk at school, the reasons given were a substitute teacher who wasn’t fully informed on all kids and they relied on the online systems to inform him, and as the internet failed, he had no way to know beforehand. He agreed he might have turned too much to rule enforcement and forgot that he was dealing with children. As for the phone, he mentioned he did look for her after her last class, but he couldnt find her (she was sitting outside at the time). He made the assumption she left and thus he left the phone in the desk drawer for safekeeping. He mentioned that it might not have been the best solution. The school apologized and promised to work with us and our daughter to improve for future cases. First steps were made right away, to aid communication between her and the teachers.

    My daughter wasn’t present there at the time, but she did let me know that having her cellphone on the table was not a good idea, she should have given him the form first and then grabbed her phone. It is her first year (first week of classes there too) in secondary school, and during her last year at primary school she was very used to the teacher and other kids knowing about the phone, that she didn’t think about it. She asked me this morning if I could apologize for that on her behalf, and she promised to show the form at every start of the class. A little misunderstanding I found in the comments was about her using the internet. She let me know that she didn’t use her phone at the time, it was resting on her desk. She merely suggested to share her phone’s wifi to let the teacher check her file for the phone agreement.

    The counselor has given her a “traffic light”, basically a picto with one side green and a talking face on it, and on the other side red with a muted face. They have used the concept with students with anxiety before, for them to signal when they are okay and when they are overstimulated. It is a tool most teachers recognize, so she offered it for my daughter to try, which she happily accepted. My daughter was very happy with it and proudly mentioned at home that she spend the whole day on green today because she learned a lot and loved that. Monday she will have an appointment to build a more extensive plan.

    EDIT: I forgot to mention about his comment towards my daughter’s sign language. He agreed it was very insensitive and said that he spoke without thought as he thought that she was pretending sign to mock the silence rule. The director was not happy about the comment and very much understood our frustration. The teacher and director apologized.

    Reminder - I am not OP.