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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Sebastianlim on 2024-11-14 01:16:26+00:00.

**I am NOT OP. The OP of this story is u/Amayax.**

Trigger Warnings: Ableism.

Teacher took my daughter’s phone, which she is allowed to have., Posted September 18th, 2024.

I had to write this bit to get it off my chest, I hope this is the right place to do this as it is not resolved yet, so waiting might suffice too, otherwise I can remove it.

My daughter of 13 is autistic with selective mutism. She can join regular school programs with a few adaptations. One of them is that she can keep her phone with her at all times as she uses it to communicate through writing. If she can use her laptop, she will, but if not, she is allowed to use her cellphone because that is the fastest way for her. There are some conditions to it, like no social media and only actually using it if the teacher approves it. She has a copy of the form for this with all the conditions in her bag too. They assured us it would all be fine and that her agreed needs would be met. We were very happy with that because she loves it at regular education. She spend a brief time in special education, and she grew very stressed there because everyone is too different. In regular education, she can “see the logic in the people” as she puts it.

Today they had an internet outage and she had to do some work on paper. Since her laptop wasnt used in class, she had her cellphone on her desk, as per the agreement. This led to the teacher taking it due to the schools no-phones policy. My daughter tried writing it out that in stressful events (like her phone being taken) she can’t speak, so she is allowed to have her phone with her to communicate. In her opinion, she was not using it. She had it on the table because her bag had to be in the classroom shelves and her clothes had no pockets, which is stated in the agreement to be fine. The teacher didn’t believe it and said that he would check it in the student monitoring system once the internet started working again. Until he could check it, he would hold her phone in his desk. She could pick it up once the internet started working and he could check it, or when she went home. She made a last attempt to write and sign (she learned sign language due to her mutism) to ask if she could grab her bag to show the form, but the teacher wasn’t willing to budge. She let me know that he seemingly told her that if she wants to sign, she should go to a school for the deaf. Her solution to turn on her phone’s wifi so he could access the internet and check also gained her some comments saying she should stop trying to know better. Throughout the day, he never wanted to take the time to look at the form. She still had classes and there still was no internet, so he wasn’t handing anything back.

She couldn’t go home however, because my husband would pick her up after he got a message saying she had all of her classes for the day. It was a bit of a messy schedule and she was not sure if she would be done at 2 or 3, so she would let him know.

At 3:05, hubby didn’t get a message yet, so he called her because she should have mesaged him way earlier when she knew her schedule. She didnt pick up as the teacher still had her phone, so the military man in him woke up and he went straight to school to go find out what happened. He found her sitting outside the school where she had been after being done at 2 and she used his phone to explain what happened and how she had to do the entire day without a phone and it stressed her out a lot. The stress also blocked her from finding another solution, and since it was her first week she didn’t have any people to go to. All her teachers are new as she switched from primary to secondary school so she didn’t know anyone, and teachers didn’t know her. The only teacher we did speak to extensively happened to be home with a nasty cold, to add to the misfortune.

Hubby went inside with her to collect her phone, but they found the teacher who took the phone had already left. The phone was still inside his desk as they heard it ringing there when they went to look and he called it. However, the desk was locked and none of the janitors had a key. Hubby was not happy.

We have a parent-teacher talk planned for tomorrow, with the teacher who took the phone, a school councillor and one of the school directors.

The story is what my daughter and hubby told me, I have yet to hear the school’s side, but I had to write it down because my mind is overloading with emotions. I really understand that schools have rules, and misunderstandings over rules can occur. As this so far shows, at the root of any misunderstanding is a miscommunication. The mother in me is still very angry and a bit regretful despite me also understanding that this is just that, a miscommunication that is caused by a larger chain of unlucky events.

A similar event happened a few years back at her primary school, she was able to gather the courage to go back to class the next day because one of her two favorite teachers there helped her. Today she signed “I hate school”, while she usually spend extra hours at school because she loved it so much.

Relevant Comments:

I’d consult a lawyer because that’s theft.

Thank you for your time and thought :)

I am not sure where I stand legally, but I always like to see if things can be resolved rather than accused. The only thing I want to get out if it all is more understanding for my daughter, so she can get to room to grow into a good person. Regardless of legality, I don’t think any lawyer or legal cases can open the doors we need to get there.

If this is on her IEP or other ed plan, this meeting needs to happen before the start of school! (Led by the special education coordinator.)

This is very bad. Look at your state’s education site and find out your rights. Teacher needs to be disciplined—he could lose his job! Principal and special education coordinator need to be proactive about this stuff! What about kids who need epi pens? Are they ignored too?

As a retired special educator, reading this really steams my clams. Really poor job by the school.

The agreement about the phone was a first step in this, to bridge a gap towards a full plan. Unfortunately we didn’t get to have a meeting before school because of what I call desk politics. Her application didn’t pass the needed desks, so we had to wait. It is planned for next week, so we had our fingers crossed for her classes to be smooth. Unfortunately it didn’t go as hoped.

I hope there are solutions and understanding ahead of us, so my daughter doesn’t have to worry about that and she can turn her energy towards growing up.

OP, we’re sorry that your daughter went through this. We definitely need an update after you meet with the school. I’m sure we all want to know what excuse the teacher and school will have, other than “we’re sorry this happened and it was a miscommunication”.

For the future, I wonder if it would help to make copies of the agreement and personally hand one to each teacher. I know it’s extreme but then the teacher can’t say they were never told

I hope so too. Your suggestion is indeed one of the ideas we want to bring to the table tomorrow. I just hope that we have solutions and understanding ahead of us, so my daughter no longer has to worry.

We also have had to deal with teachers who really think the four walls of the school they work in give them complete control over the students. They sometimes forget that these kids have lives and parents outside those four walls. Approach calmly and present the facts and what you expect. I’m glad you pulled in more than just the teacher. If this can’t be resolved tomorrow, escalate to the next level. A lot of times these teachers just need to see you in person and you’ll never have a problem again. 

I very much hope that no escalation is needed, and that we only have positivity ahead of us, so my daughter can focus on learning and growing up to be a good person. I am a part time teacher to adults who have faced trauma or difficulties that have left them without a grade, helping them get a level 1 grade so they can get jobs. So this hits me personally as well as professionally. Hopefully we get to help the teacher towards a better understanding.

None of the janitors had keys? They also didn’t an universal desk opener, aka a crowbar?

They had to the doors, but not to desks. Usually the locked drawer is to house items that shouldn’t be accessable to anyone, and I think that is the reason why (it is my own thought, not a given reason).

Knowing my hubby, he probably restrained himself to not escalate anything. Otherwise a universal desk opener would have definitly been brought to the table (/desk).

It’s not a miss communication if she’s communicating and he’s refusing to listen because he’s on a power trip.

I do very much agree, to me this is a miscommunication due to a disfunctional recipient. Knowing my little sender, she would have tried sending smoke signals if she thought it would have helped, because she loves sending :)

Updateme

*What are the laws about special consideration for impaired students where you live? In the US, the sc…

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