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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 on 2024-11-14 05:02:06+00:00.

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Throwaway09Acc

Originally posted to r/AITAH

AITAH for making my husband’s groomswoman wear a wig or be disinvited from our wedding?

Thanks to u/soayherder & u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for suggesting this BoRU

Editor’s note: added paragraph breaks for readability

Trigger Warnings: accusations of infidelity, mental health issues, harassment

Original Post: November 1, 2024

My boyfriend (now fiancé) asked me to marry him 2 months ago. To give a little background, I met him at a farmer’s market when I was 18 and he was 26, we are now 24F and 32M. We’ve been together for a little bit over 5 years, and I’m very happy with him.

Now, to the story, my fiancé’s friend, Brittany, has been friends with him since they were in elementary school. Throughout our early dating days, I expressed I was not a fan of this woman. There are many reasons as to why, such as us not having common interests and absolutely polar opposite moral codes, but the main one was her interest in embarrassing me and my fiancé, possibly because she likes him.

When we were first starting to go on dates, she had shown up and tried to invite herself to the date because he had told their mutual friend group chat where he was taking me. She then decided that she would go to the same restaurant, and had tried to make a scene about him cheating on her and that she was heartbroken. It escalated very quickly and it ended with me asking the manager to get her trespassed, as she was delusional and I, nor my date, did not want her around. This sort of situation happened 3 more times, even going as far as showing up to his grandparent’s house to stop me from meeting his family.

At that point, I made it clear to him that if anything like that were to happen again, I’d be out of there. Which he completely understood and agreed with me, wholeheartedly. He convinced his friend group to go low communication about Brittany with him because she was acting weird around him and they all understood and disagreed with her actions. He had extremely low contact after that point, and I learned years later that she had gotten major therapy, even checked herself into a mental hospital, and went on medication to stop these absolutely unhinged personality traits.

Around 4 years later, they reconnected through a mutual friend’s birthday party we were all at and she genuinely seemed like she had changed personality-wise from the person I had met 5ish years ago. We still didn’t agree on most things, but she apologized for the way she had acted previously and owned up to all the BS she tried to pull with him. So, I just kept my guard up, but encouraged my fiancé to make friends with her again. I’m NOT friends with her, but I am friendly towards her.

Skipping to now, I have been planning this wedding basically since I was born (overexaggerating, but it has been in my thoughts since I was a young child). The wedding will not happen for another two years. The theme is supposed to be similar to DnD style fantasy. A Renaissance wedding with blue, orange, and red as the basic color scheme.

Most of the wedding would be held outside at a local state park, but part of it would be held inside. Specifically, the cake and food would be cut and served inside, as well as some of the guest photos. This is the important part. I have a personal friend, Bri (28F) who does professional pictures at Renaissance festivals across the US. Her job is to drive around across the country to Ren fairs and take pictures for certain venues. It’s a very cool job, and I love seeing the pictures. However, she does editing for some of these venues with a green screen to make it look more “aesthetic” or to totally change the scenery behind the people in the photo.

For example, she showed me mock ups for me in the past, showing silly people in costumes being chased by goblins and trolls, a dragon breathing fire behind a party of knights, and even a garden of lights with Faeries flying through it, etc. It’s silly stuff and is for people to have fun with. My idea was to incorporate this into my wedding.

The guests would choose whatever background they’d like from a catalog that my friend and I put together, and Bri or her teammate would take pictures of them throughout the day. These pictures would be uploaded electronically and then be edited by her after the wedding. These were mandatory for all guests that wanted to participate, so I could use the pictures for post cards and scrapbooking (It’s my hobby).

The people who wanted to take part in this activity would have to check a box on the save the date form I sent out. My assumption is that most guests would be doing this, as most of the people that will be invited are extremely rambunctious and love activities involving being silly.

I do want to make it clear, these would not be the only pictures taken at the wedding. There still would be normal pictures being taken of the wedding itself, as well as photos that will likely be framed and used as decorations that would have NO green screen of my husband and I, and the wedding party.

A few days after he had proposed, my fiancé asked me if I’d feel comfortable with him inviting Brittany to the wedding as a groomswoman. Honestly, I was fine with it. Until the topic of her hair came up. In the year or so that he had reconnected, she cut and dyed her hair a lime green with a cool undertone and highlights. I honestly really like it and it suits her facial structure extremely well.

However, I was worried about the green screen and her hair, so I invited her to my friend’s home awhile later so we could see if the screen would blend with her hair. Unfortunately, it did. In the pictures, you could see a major “glitch” with every background we tried because of her hair.

I asked my friend if there was a way to edit around it, and she said there was, but it would be an extra amount of money because it would be way, way more time to go through and possibly edit multiple photos of her with groups of people and herself so the picture wouldn’t glitch. I’m very against this, as our budget has to be semi-perfect. We are accounting for accidents and issues, but not extra money to my friend’s business because of one woman’s choice of dye blending very well with the green screen.

While I do love her hair, I asked if she’d wear a wig to the wedding so she could still be included in the green screen pictures, even offered to get it professionally done and I’d pay for that. This is when she became very angry with me. To sum up what she had said, her being asked to wear a wig was basically me saying I wanted to cover her “self”. That her hair was an expression of herself and that she loved it. I told her that I loved it as well, but in order for her to be included, she would need to wear a wig, as the green in her hair cannot just be covered up via a hat or other headwear. She has been saying that I just don’t want to include her in the wedding.

As a compromise against the wig, I proposed that she gets more pictures of her having fun taken at the wedding itself, instead of the green screen. She didn’t like this idea because she claims it isn’t fair all the other guests get to be put in a fun picture and she’s the only one not allowed. Though I sort of agree with her, it isn’t to the fault of my own. So, I offered that she paid for the extra editing costs it would be to take and edit more of her pictures.

At first, she was fine with the idea. Until I mentioned that the extra editing would cost around $100 for just a singular picture to be taken and edited by my friend, and the final price depended on how many photos she ended up in on the greenscreen. Then, she declined the offer and tried to throw it in my face that Bri’s prices were outrageous. I disagreed with her sentiment about the prices, and I haven’t spoken to her since then.

Throughout this whole ordeal, my fiancé has been on my side, but he has been upset over her possibly not being there. While he does agree with me about not wanting to pay more for just her, as well as that she’s being overdramatic, he has sympathy for her being the only person being left out of this choice activity. While I also have sympathy, I just don’t see an alternative here. We can’t use a blue screen over a green screen because the colors of the wedding are blue, red, and orange. And, I don’t wish to pay for a new screen for my friend’s business just because of one person. And the alternatives I have come up with, she has shot down.

So, my final decision was to ask him to disinvite her from the wedding to not create further drama, if she does not want to wear a wig. After long talks between us, he agreed with me and sent her a message that she would be disinvited entirely and would be welcome to celebrate with just us, after our honeymoon had ended. They met up soon afterwards and he stayed firm on the matter, despite her crying and still refusing to do anything to correct her hair. She still believes that me asking her to do this is because of some power imbalance and that I just want to bully her, which I don’t think I’m doing. She has a year to think it over…

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