**I am NOT OOP, OOP is** u/AcceptableWar5433 **Originally posted to r/AITAH** Previous BoRUs:...
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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 on 2025-01-28 05:00:04+00:00.

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/AcceptableWar5433

Originally posted to r/AITAH

Previous BoRUs: 1

[New Update]: I think this woman is using me for free-childcare

NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH ----

Trigger Warnings: entitlement

RECAP

Original Post - rareddit: April 21, 2024

I 24M teach boxing in my spare time, and one day a week, I teach it to kids.

There’s a mom who i’m starting to feel like is taking advantage of these classes.

She’s increasingly late with picking up her kid after the session.

To give some context, this is a rich woman. It’s not that she’s out working a job. She is a stay at home parent. No other kids. She told me all this because another thing she loves to do is have really long conversations with me on top of already being late.

She’s been late most of March (3 classes). I talked to her about it at the end of the month and she apologized and said it won’t happen again. It did. x2 now. So I started timing her.

The second week of April (no class the first week), she arrived 45 minutes late. Then spent maybe 20 minutes talking to me. The other day, I timed her again. She got there around the 1 hour mark. I made a point to show her my timer and I gave her a warning that I will remove her kid from my class. She tried to derail the conversation so I raised the timer and turned it on again. She said I was being ‘unjustifiably rude’ (exact words).

I explained (politely) that I have other obligations and her consistent lateness throws my schedule off.

She didn’t want to have this conversation, stomped to the driver’s side of her car. Her kid lowered his window to say thank you and ‘bye’ to me. I told him bye and added ‘tell your mom to stop being late’.

She reported our conversation to my boss but twisted it. She said that I threatened her kid with getting kicked out of the program. I didn’t say it like that. And I didn’t say it to her kid. There are other instructors, I was just implying (to her) that I won’t have him in my group. My boss still gave me a lecture about how I don’t have that power and can’t make the statements I did. He went over professionalism and how i’m being too hard on this mom who could have other circumstances going on.

But i’m not getting paid for the hour after this class that I spend hanging out with her kid.

The kid’s great… but I have things to do.

For people who work with kids, what’s the etiquette here? do I give parents grace?

I told my boss i’m going to start adding up all the hours and one of them is going to have to pay me.

AITAH?

AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP was NTA

Relevant Comments

OOP on wanting to set in the boundaries and fine system for late pickups and to have the boss set the firm approach for it.

OOP: See. That’s how it should be. Unfortunately, I don’t think my boss has any policy around it judging from the way our conversation went. If this continues to be an issue, I’m going to push for compensation since his approach currently has me taking responsibility for it. I’ll send an email to him about clarifying so I have some kind of a written response.

OOP on the policy and the front desk staff to deal with the phone calls to parents for pickups

OOP: There is no front desk. I didn’t want to immediately escalate to CPS and cops before making some attempts with the mom. The (lack of?) policy is definitely an issue… that I am now going to push to address/seek further info about.

OOP on getting paid for his time of the hours he did outside his duties

OOP: I added them up, sent it to him and everything— he told me he will only pay me moving forward. I should let it go, and then made a point to remind me that I volunteered for this job knowing it was new and there would be hiccups.

 

Update: May 1, 2024 (1.5 weeks later)

Previous post.

I appreciate the advice I got on the post I made. I learned a lot from you.

Here’s the update:

I took various notes from the people who gave me tips here. I wrote a detailed email to my boss and cc’d other people who run this program, including co-instructors. I did this for transparency, accountability, and to put pressure on my boss to provide a policy around the issue instead of him dealing with us all individually / case by case.

My boss didn’t respond to the email, instead he called me in to see him. I kind of had a feeling he’d do that.

He asked me why I sent the email cc’ing everyone and was clearly not happy about my approach. He kept trying to minimize the situation, and make me feel that I am in the wrong. He told me that I’m being greedy. That my attitude about one parent being late is exaggerated and I’m looking for problems. I should essentially just wait around after-hours if I need to sometimes (unpaid) because it’s a program for kids. I should do this with some heart and “Do it for the kids”. I had to turn my face to hide the fact that I wanted to laugh in that moment. But mostly I was frustrated.

Having proper policies in place not only protects the staff, it protects the kids, not to mention his fucking business. After I made my perspective clear (in a mostly professional manner)… he came around a little.

Unfortunately, he flat out told me he will not back-pay me for the time that I’ve logged waiting for this mom, but he will implement a late policy moving forward. He’s followed through on that. He tried to throw in other useless incentives for me. I didn’t accept them.

That mom wasn’t late this week. She did try to catch my eye when she picked her son up and I ignored her. She ended up getting out of her car and asked me if I saw her waving. I kept ignoring her. She wore me down because she kept following me around while I locked up. I informed her why she’s getting the silent treatment. She apologized and also tried to write me a check on the spot. I didn’t take the money. I told her… honestly, I might quit instead. I am sharing this because the woman clearly lives in her own world. Here, just take my money and stop being mad at me. I was so furious. It took everything in me to keep the words that I said to her to a minimum.

I am on the fence about just letting this go. Maybe the program will get smoother with time. It’s not a lot of money worth fighting over… I am so disappointed in my boss. I’ve known him for a long time as a mentor/friend. Being his employee has been something else. The program itself is very new and disorganized. Due to differences of opinion about how its run, I doubt I will stay with it.

This is my first time working a job that involves kids. My actual profession is unrelated to boxing. This was mostly something I picked up spontaneously, because I saw the merit in it and I wanted to do my part to help. I admit I could use the extra money too. I don’t mean to be greedy or stingy, but I live in an insanely expensive city and I take care of someone with expensive medical bills.

I haven’t proof-read this, but it looks longer than I wanted it to be. I’m sorry. I’m tired.

Relevant Comments

OOP on being frustrated with his boss and the situation

OOP: I wouldn’t say I’m angry about the situation… I think I am mostly frustrated with my boss’s approach in dealing with issues. It’s hard to convey all of it in writing but he’s extremely stubborn and hard headed. He takes unnecessary offence to constructive feedback and then holds grudges. Getting him to do anything is always more difficult than it needs to be. He will try to bulldoze you, there’s always friction no matter what you suggest. It shouldn’t have to be like that.

I think I’m coming to terms with the realization that he’s a great friend and mentor but a terrible person to collaborate or do business with. I wish he would have taken what I said more seriously instead of focusing so much on this being an isolated issue when it could easily happen again with another parent. Even though he’s implemented the new policies, he’s acting as if he did me a favor.

The person I was angry at, is the mom… because of the way she talked to me and threw money at me. There was no understanding.

She was so quick to report me to my boss and twist my words last week, and this week shes at pickup trying to flag me to chat like it never happened. The entitlement of this woman. She can’t stand being ignored. And when I reminded her what she did she acted as if it was just a money problem. Who cares about the appointments I got late for and the trouble she caused me— she can write me a check right now and order me to stop being mad at her. It definitely rubbed me the wrong way.

I absolutely hear you though. Thank you.

WaitUntilIDie: You’d make the right call to cut your loses, see this as a learning opportunity fo…

Content cut off. Read original on https://old.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1ibu2ha/new_update_i_think_this_woman_is_using_me_for/

  • @[email protected]MEnglish
    1•2 days ago

    WaitUntilIDie: You’d make the right call to cut your loses, see this as a learning opportunity for what is not only intolerable but most likely illegal. I can’t think of any state where you can be expected to continue working without pay. Id go as far as to suggest reporting the hours you were unpaid to the labor board in your state if you are from the states.

    You are being taken advantage of here, but you know that. Do what’s best for you. I’m not only suggesting making the report so you get paid, but also to put this business on notice because you probably aren’t the only person they will try to exploit this way especially after you’ve left and having that record is important to show a pattern of behavior on the business owners part.

    ERVetSurgeon: Report him to the Dept of Labor at the federal level. You cannot force someone to stay on the job “off the clock.” If they did that, you will get back pay.

    Hellokitty55: I’m so sorry this is happening to you. You’re NTA. You tried to level with your boss and get him to understand. I’m guessing he doesn’t want any backlash bc of business. I wish there weren’t people out there that takes advantage of kindness.

    Last Update: May 13, 2024 (12 days later)

    Previous post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/7naOmsQ5tU

    I got other instructors to get on my boss’s case with me. I also informed him I have to quit the kids class and I will quit the training I do with adults too / leave the gym and our friendship if he doesn’t hear me out respectfully.

    The reason I wanted to avoid reporting my boss is because I have a relationship with him and nearly everyone at this gym going back almost 10 years. I didn’t want to resort to making a report without exploring every other option first.

    My boss caved. I’ll get paid for the extra hours I logged on the next paycheck.

    Moving forward, I will no longer teach the kids, because although we have a policy and late pickup fee in place, as it stands right now, instructors are still responsible to stay back until the last kid leaves and my boss doesn’t want to negotiate on that. I can’t stay behind after classes. I have other obligations the same day as the class I teach. It’s unfortunate because this one parent is the only one currently abusing the system because she can afford to.

    That kid’s mom was late this week again by 30 minutes. Showed her my timer. I also told her I’ve quit. She asked me if the late warnings “reset” when a new instructor takes over (they don’t). She then tried to hire me out from under my boss as her kid’s private instructor. I said no, but I might reconsider if she ever wants lessons. I would love to give that woman hell.

    Alright, that’s the end of that. I feel bad I couldn’t stick it out with this kids program but it’s too disorganized for me right now.

    Relevant Comment

    RaptorOO7: Sounds like she has zero respect for anyone else’s time, sure who doesn’t love money, but my time is money and I value my time a lot more than her money.

    Good call not working for her who knows what kind of hell she would put you through.

    People with money know that money talks and most will take it. When you don’t out of principle they just can’t understand it.

    OOP: People like her ruin it for other parents and my boss refuses to implement a condition like … X amount of lates will result in your kid being dropped from the class.

    • @[email protected]MEnglish
      1•2 days ago

      ----NEW UPDATE---- Final Update: January 21, 2025 (eight months later)

      Hey so it’s been a long time. I deleted the original posts off my page hoping I would stop getting messages about it. But now I have this update. Is it allowed? I don’t remember the etiquette here.

      I found that my post is still on Reddit. Someone DM’d it to me. Catch up here.

      The short of it is you guys were right, this woman had a crush on me or some kind of interest in the least… and I was too angry at her / the situation to notice. We’re seeing each other now. I won’t get your hopes up because it’s probably just temporary.

      Longer story: Towards the end of last year she approached me. She said she was separating from her husband and hinted that the marriage was abusive. She said her reason for getting in touch with me was to take me up on my offer about teaching her how to box. I told her I was only offering (back then) so I could make her suffer.

      The thing is, I don’t think joining a combat sport immediately as a means to process abuse is always the best form of action. I get why it’s empowering but if you’re not doing therapy or something alongside it… it might frame things for you in an unhealthy way. So I think you need both. That’s just my personal opinion. I felt ill-equipped to be the starting point of her healing or whatever, even though she was reaching out to me so sincerely.

      So I redirected her to someone else.

      She started going to those classes I connected her with and occasionally texted me about them. Straightforward texts, questions, asking me my opinion etc. We’d have short exchanges, a few texts back and forth with no pattern and a lot of gaps in between.

      About a week ago, I ran into her in person and she convinced me to have coffee with her and…

      I don’t know how to explain it. There is some kind of intensity between us and we decided to see where it leads.

      It’s not serious.

      Given how many people thought something was there and how oblivious I was to it… I felt this might be worth sharing.

      I didn’t know her age back then but I found out she’s 32. I’m 25. (I know).

      Relevant Comments

      Commenter 1: Dude

      Don’t do this. Rebound relationship off of a failed marriage that possibly allegedly may have been abusive? And she’s a single mom. And the age gap.

      C’mon

      OOP: I get it. But I’m not trying to be in a relationship and that’s clear between us.

      Commenter 2: Sure you’re not. Wait until she shows you two pink lines. You’re a fool.

      Plus It’s unprofessional of you to be involved with her.

      OOP: I can’t argue about me being a fool but I disagree about it being unprofessional.

      To clarify: I don’t teach the kid, I dropped that mess of a class early last year, and I don’t teach her either. I declined her offer when she first reached out to me and redirected her to someone else who I have no affiliation with.

      DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

      THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP