Do NOT comment on Original Posts. Latest update is 7 days old.

Mood Spoiler: things are getting better, hopefully

Original Post: December 28, 2024

Been married to my second husband for 27 years. He has two kids who I really like and get along with. One daughter has 4 daughters who are a bit spoiled. I made sure To give the grand-daughters nice presents for their graduation gifts and have always been the ”nice step-grandma who is pretty much ignored by the grandkids”. My husband does zero work on any gift giving or travel arranging when we have attended any of their events. That’s all left up to me.

we attended the weddings of the first 2 grand-daughters, both of which were about 3 hours away. I arranged the trip, bought and wrapped the gifts and bought cards, we attended the event and I was again the “nice step-grandma who is pretty much ignored by the grandkids”.

‘About 4 months ago we received a “save the date” card, letting us know that the 3rd grand-daughter will be getting married in another country, in mid-2025. I have a passport but husband does not. I told him he will need to get a passport to attend this. He’s done nothing. A few weeks ago I asked if he really wanted to go to this, and he said yes. I reminded him that he would need a passport. So I went online to see what he needed to get that. One item was the date of divorce from his prior wife. He said he “wasn’t going to get into that”. I said okay and dropped the whole issue. I had been looking at airline flights and the tickets would have cost about $2,000 for both of us. The hotel would be another $1,000 (all inclusive Place).

The invite for the wedding is taped to the front Of the fridge and I am not going to bring this up again. if he asks, I will let him know that if he actually gets off his butt and gets his passport I will make travel arrangements.

EDIT: I forgot to mention that the wedding is on a Wednesday, which means we would have to fly out Tuesday, and fly back Thursday. I cannot believe she chose Wednesday for her wedding day.

EDIT/UPDATE: hey thanks everyone for all the interesting comments! As you can tell, there’s more going on than just the wedding. I will be sure to post an update when he completely fails to do anything to go to the wedding, and therefore we don’t go.

Some of OOP’s Comments:

Commenter: […] Also… Idk what the laws are where you are lol, but you have seen proof he’s divorced right? Because… Fine I have no idea what date my divorce went through, but I do have the printed out paperwork in my drawer, and I’d just look it up. This is some bizarre avoidance lol and it would give me the willies NGL.

OOP: I know for a fact the divorce went through and I saw the paperwork years ago. I’m pretty sure it was final in 1996. But I don’t know the date. It was odd that he said it that way

More on the divorce/proof (lots of commenters were fixated on that) and the passport work:

I’m an attorney. I tried looking them up online but records that old (from 1996) aren’t usually available online. More than likely it is stored on microfiche at the district court where this was entered. This will require a trip to the courthouse, filling out forms to request the old documents, etc., etc. not difficult, but detailed and time-consuming.

i’m just so tired of doing all this detailed time intensive bullshit for him all the time. I’m tired of spending my time on something I don’t even want to spend money on or go to. I’m going to do nothing, say nothing and let the date come and go.

however, I will now probably go look for the records just to make SURE the divorce decree was entered.

The kids:

His kids are actually from wife #1 who passed away before I met any of them. His divorce was from wife #2. But I don’t understand why he will put no effort into finding the divorce date or working on the passport other than purée laziness.

To another commenter:

Actually, the kids hated wife #2. Yes, he’s lazy. His kids and their spouses are very nice to me. I had a step mother also, and am very careful not to try to be “mom” to them. I hated it when my step mom did this. I just want to be nice, friendly, and not get in their business. Isn’t that what a step mother should do? Same for the grandkids.

Why they’re still married:

But that’s a much longer post . . . For those of you in your late 60s, long married, you understand that marriage to a flawed person is still better than being lonely. At least most of the time. Weighing the pros and cons, he still comes up on the pro side.

(to another commenter)

Yes, I do feel alone a great deal of the time. Being alone has never been a problem for me, but I still feel like being married to him.

One more commenter:

Ha ha! Yeah, I have a backbone but I also have a huge heart for my husband. I have no problem telling others to F off, and I’ve always been tough. I think this is the turning point where I am totally done making any arrangements to make things easier on him.

Commenter: No reason why OP can’t go, she has her passport……if it was me, I would go by myself and tell everyone exactly why I was unaccompanied.

OOP: Oh the hell no. I’m definitely not going solo for a step-grand-daughter who probably won’t even acknowledge me.

Commenter: If you continually feel ignored by them…stop giving!! It honestly sounds like a huge expense to attend for someone who treats you that way.

OOP: yeah, I’m done. Now that I think about it, none of them ever reach out to me. When we go to visit his family they are always nice, but they have never independently reached out to me one time in all the time we have been married.

Commenter: Maybe they don’t like your husband. He sounds kind of awful. Sorry.

OOP: Heys, this is Reddit. I come here for the truth, not to have people be soft on me. ❤️

Mini Update in Comments December 30, 2024 (2 days later)

Regarding her doing the work and also whether or not they will RSVP:

Actually, one person commented about the RSVP and that we would have to advise them whether we were coming of not. Realizing that I had previously RSVPd, so I have now changed my position and will be contacting his daughter to advise her of the issue. That comment is buried somewhere in response to another comment.

Yesterday was truly full of example after example of me having to do everything in this relationship, carrying 100% of the mental load and I was just done. But today is a new day and I am going to be a better human.

Some more clarification:

Commenter: I’m wondering what the appeal was here. He’s lazy and can’t be bothered to do fuck-all regarding his own kids and grandkids? It sounds like he using weaponized incompetence to get you to do everything. Why would a smart, accomplished professional woman put up with his bullshit for 27 years? He can’t possibly be that good in bed.

OOP: Because it wasn’t always this lopsided. After his cancer diagnosis in 2018, then chemo, stem cell transplant, resulting neuropathy and depression, he became more dependent. He’s somewhat better now but we both fell into the “me doing everything” pattern. For the last few years I’ve been trying to break that, especially with tasks that are not physical (require mental effort).

Commenter: Wow that’s… a lot of left out information.

OOP: yes. For the last year or so I have been trying to get the workload more balanced, especially with just mental tasks. It’s SO difficult once one partner has basically shouldered the whole load.

i’m starting to think That even though he said he wanted to to go the wedding, that inside, he really doesn;t. Therefore he;s going to use the passport excuse for why we won’t go. Fine by me.

Update Post: January 14, 2025 (17 days from OG post)

To all of you who commented before, thanks. This is the update and I know I’m setting myself up to get knocked about, but this is Reddit after all.

I saw the divorce decree from his prior wife, so he is indeed divorced and he and I are legally married.
Since that post, I have told him he needs to engage in the cleaning and taking care of things around the house. He Is now responsible for one bathroom and I’m responsible for the other. He actually pointed out a “cleaning method” to me and I said, “great, do whatever you like.” H…

Content cut off. Read original on https://old.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1icmg22/new_update_destination_wedding_for_husbands/

New Update: Destination wedding for husband’s grand-daughter, he won’t do anything to get his passport

New Update: Destination wedding for husband’s grand-daughter, he won’t do anything to get his passport

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

Do NOT comment on Original Posts. Latest update is 7 days old.