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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/isla_random on 2023-09-01 07:15:20.
i (35F) have been with my boyfriend “tyler” (38M) for 6 months. 2 days ago, he introduced me to his kids from his last marriage. they seemed like very sweet kids. they’re “ava”, 11F and “lexi”, 15F. we had dinner together and they were very sweet, funny and charming. i like them. it was nice to meet them and i’m pretty sure they like me too.
yesterday Tyler and i were at a restaurant and the topic of ava and lexi came up. tyler talked about how much the kids liked me and how he was excited for me to be their mom. i know it has been 6 months but i haven’t thought about marriage with tyler yet. i told him that seemed nice because i didn’t really know how to respond. he looked at me funny and asked “do you love the kids?” i was confused and i told him no. he was shocked. i explained that i had only met ava and lexi once, i barely knew them. they’re sweet kids and all, but i don’t consider them my kids yet. he went off on me and made a scene yelling that i’m a horrible person to not love my own future kids.
i feel kind of bad because i feel like he has a point, these might become my kids someday but it’s not “someday” yet, i met them one time. today tyler called me and apologized for blowing up at me. he asked if i really meant that i didn’t love them. i explained that i thought his kids were lovely but i just don’t love them yet, i literally met them 2 days ago, one time. how am i supposed to love someone just because they are my boyfriends kids. he hung up on me.
i am supposed to love my boyfriends kids, but that would feel like a chore, forcing myself to love two kids that i don’t love. that sounds awful, i know but i don’t know how else to explain it. i i don’t hate them, i really do like them, and there’s nothing wrong with them at all, they’re lovely and perfect kids, but i don’t know anything about them other than their names, ages and favorite movies and foods. theres nothing for me to love about them if i don’t even know their middle name or favorite color. i’m sorry. i don’t know them, i don’t love them. i’m sure i can love them overtime, if i see them for more than 2 hours.
my boyfriend is very mad at me and says i am awful for not loving my kids, my dad says i will be a horrible future mom and is thinking he gave birth to a crazy person since i do not love them. i’m so confused, i never said i didn’t like them and i’ve emphasized this multiple times, but i don’t love them and i don’t know what is wrong with that.
AITA for not loving my future kids
I mean it’s been six months they might not even love the boyfriend yet. This is all kinds of ridiculous. It’s not like she said she hated them.
That said a better response may have been “yeah they’re awesome” it doesn’t mean you love like your own children yet but saying no does feel a bit cold.