**I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/lurkandtaway85 **Originally posted to** r/relationship_advice **My (38F) sister (34F) made up a dead brother to her...
This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 on 2025-04-19 04:04:07+00:00.

I am NOT OOP. OOP is u/lurkandtaway85

Originally posted to r/relationship_advice

My (38F) sister (34F) made up a dead brother to her spouse (35M) and in-laws (60’s M&F). I accidentally outed the lie, but why am I the bad guy here?

Editor’s note: made small edits for ease of readability

Trigger Warnings: fabricated statements, possible mental health struggles

Mood Spoilers: baffled

Original Post (unddit): April 11, 2025

Usually a lurker, but something happened tonight that has me incredibly confused. Apologies in advance for the length.

Backstory: I’m the eldest of 4 sisters. We’re stair stepped, 2 years apart. I’m Meg, 38, Jo is 36, Beth is 34, and Amy is 32.

Our parents used to joke about how they kept trying for a boy but finally gave up after girl number 4. Not gonna lie, it hurt our feelings a little - especially Amy - but they stopped that and assured us they wouldn’t change anything.

Every one us has at least 1 daughter. I am the only sister that has a son. At 17, he’s the eldest grandchild and I’m fairly certain he’s my dad’s favorite person in the world. They are best friends. It’s adorable.

Ok now that you have the backstory/fam history, let’s talk about tonight.

My son, who is VERY intelligent, and absolutely crushed high school, recently received his acceptance letter to a pretty prestigious university. Full ride. We are incredibly proud. My folks wanted to throw him a little congratulatory party, and tonight worked for all of our schedules (which is no small feat - 4 different families with 11 kids between them), so we all headed to the folks house for pizza and cake.

At one point, Amy brought up that it is sibling appreciation day, and Mom said she wanted all of her girls to say what we appreciate about our sisters, and we go youngest to eldest - with most of the compliments going to me, as I was kind of a second mom to them. I told each of my sisters how much I loved them, among other things, and then finished my speech off saying something like “and I REALLY appreciate that we didn’t have any gross boys stinking up our house!” All of us but Beth and her husband laugh. Beth’s eyes got really big and her husband (Chase) looked at me like I was something he scraped off the bottom of his shoe.

Suddenly, he says “that’s pretty f*cked up.” I said something like “Idk Chase, I’ve smelled you after your workouts - it’s pretty bad,” and he got even more mad and said “how could you talk about Tyler like that?” And Beth starts LOSING HER MIND, guys. She’s grabbing him by the arm and begging him to hush, saying they need to go home now, etc. So naturally I’m like “umm who is Tyler?”

Well, friends. APPARENTLY Tyler is Beth’s twin that died during childbirth. And it made our folks and me so depressed that nobody is allowed to speak of him or reference him, EVER. Beth forbade him from ever mentioning to ANY family member. After Chase told us this, nobody said a word. It was so damn tense. Finally, I just kind of bluntly said, hi Mo “I’m not sure why, but Beth lied to you about this. I think you guys should talk about it, but I don’t want to hear anything else about this tonight, as we’re here to celebrate (my) son.”

After that, Beth burst into tears and ran into her old bedroom, with Chase, Mom, and Jo following her. The party never fully recovered and they took off pretty shortly after that. I stayed behind to help clean, and so my dad and son could hang some more. While I’m doing the dishes, my mom scolded me pretty harshly about calling Beth a liar. IF THE BABY SHOE FITS, MOTHER. My dad said I wasn’t wrong, but I embarrassed Beth.

What the hell was I supposed to do? I was getting chastised over a lie!! Absolutely not. Beth also texted me that I “f*cked her over,” and a text from Chase’s phone told me I was the actual liar sister and everyone knows that.

Amy is on my side, but she and Beth always butted heads. Jo claims she’s neutral, but she also told me I “didn’t have to call her out like that.”

What the hell else was I supposed to do? Just take the lashing? And why is everyone acting like me calling out, what I consider to be a pretty heavy lie, is worse than the lie itself? How do we resolve this situation? I love my sisters so damn much - they are my best friends - but this is so weird and so wrong to put on me.

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: I can’t imagine any other response. I really can’t. Were you seriously expected to lie along with her? I think that is shocking.

OOP: I have NO idea what she was expecting??? I have “lied” for her before. But saying she’s at my house while she’s really getting boudoir photos done for him is not the same as lying about a whole person who never existed??? It’s beyond bizarre.

Commenter 2: I’m kind of impressed that after all of that she managed to convince her husband that you were the liar. Of course, if he still believes her he’s dumb as a brick. I’d think there is proof enough on her birth certificate as it will state she was a single birth.

OOP: I will say, Chase is not a dummy, and he’s typically not malicious. And although nobody really backed me up about this being a lie (at least not in front of me), I think it’s pretty obvious that I was telling the truth, as everyone else was obviously confused and dead silent in the moment.

I have not responded to the texts, as I’m not looking to burn bridges. I’ve made many mistakes, and my sisters have graciously forgiven me. I’m just,…flummoxed. And a little hurt.

Commenter 3: This is very weird. I’m confused at why your parents aren’t embarrassed by your sister’s behavior. Especially trying to keep up the lie afterwards and saying you’re lying. Is she mentally ok? Does she have a history of lying?

OOP: We all lied as kids, but I assumed she grew out of it as an adult. We also all exhibited some attention seeking behavior, but again, age appropriate, especially for a family with 4 kids and 2 parents who worked full time.

My parents are hippies and very much “live and let live,” kinda vibe. But this feels… icky to me. So I’m a little surprised they’re not more upset about it? Then again, they never “punished” us in front of each other, so they could be dealing with, or planning to deal with the situation behind the scenes. Either way, Beth is WAY too old to be making up dead sibling stories.

Commenter 4: Your sister dug herself a weird hole, is now mad she has to dig her way out of it, and is placing that anger on you for accidentally handing her the shovel. If she wants to blame anyone for being caught in a lie she can look in the mirror. How do you fix it? Your sister has to pull her head out of her ass and apologize for putting you all in that position, and then you can think about apologizing for being “blunt” about it.

(But tbh, I don’t feel you did anything wrong exactly here. You had no idea what was going on, why you were being accused of being a bad person, and literally just wanted the focus back on your son’s achievements. It’s not like you accidentally spilled a secret you were supposed to keep. Your sister created this entire mess and should probably explain to you guys why she did it)

OOP: I appreciate your input and kind words! I don’t like drama, so I find it best to just kinda stop it in its tracks. And my son…we recently got an autism diagnosis (what was formerly referred to as Asperger’s), and it’s messed with his head a little. He’s always been so bad socially, and really struggled making friends. As a result, his cousins got the bulk of the attention. He was really proud of himself and I wanted him to remember this little get together because it was all about HIM for once.

Commenter 5: Your sister is a freak weirdo. Making up a dead twin for what? Sympathy? Attention? She fucked up and everyone knows it. Why anyone would want to cover up her lie is beyond me. She made her bed. Let her deal with the repercussions of this outrageous lie. Question though. Did or have your parents tried to set the record straight with her idiot hubby or are they staying silent about this alleged twin baby that never existed?

OOP: When I told Chase she was lying, nobody backed me up, but I believe it was kind of obvious bc nobody refuted my claims. That coupled with Beth frantically trying to get her husband to leave…Chase is smart. He can put 2&2 together.

I mentioned in another comment that our parents never punished us (nor really got onto us) in front of each other. So I would like to think they’re handling things on that end behind the scenes, and trying to appeal to my dislike of drama and empathy to get me to forgive her.

I don’t find the lie unforgivable. I think it’s bizarre and I don’t appreciate it, but I don’t think our relationship is over. I love her. I took her on her first date (took her and a boy to get ice cream and they held hands - we lied to our parents about that one). I helped take care of her when she was postpartum bc Chase had to work. She’s got my heart, ya know?

Commenter 6: Jus…

Content cut off. Read original on https://old.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1k2nqom/my_38f_sister_34f_made_up_a_dead_brother_to_her/

  • @[email protected]MEnglish
    3•1 day ago

    Commenter 6: Just to be clear you do recognize this level of lie as a mental health disorder correct? While I am not a therapist this very much sounds like some strain of Munchhausens. Again not a therapist just therapy adjacent in training and work so I have some familiarity, so get her some professional help. This isn’t just a cry for help, this is a sign of a broken brain that requires professional help and maybe even medical interventions.

    OOP: I work in healthcare, albeit not directly in the mental health field, but I am a little familiar with various disorders. I actually do think she’s a hypochondriac. One of my nieces is ALWAYS coming down with something (they are not), or my sister definitely has Crohn’s disease (she doesn’t). She won’t drink milk if it’s within 3 days of the Best Buy date. Refuses bread pudding bc you use “old bread” to make them. Won’t eat brownies I baked from scratch the day before bc they’re old…

    So I know she’s got some issues. But hey, WE ALL HAVE ISSUES. I’m pretty emotionally closed off except to my spouse and children. Some people think that makes me a b-. I try not to be too judgmental bc I’m definitely not perfect, but I’m judging the f out of this.

    • @[email protected]MEnglish
      3•1 day ago

      Update: April 12, 2025 (next day)

      Ok, I think we have some answers re: the events that occurred last night. I do want to tell everyone who took time to give advice or kind words, thank you. I honestly couldn’t read everything - I was (and am) exhausted. But I did get an idea of how I wanted to approach everything, thanks to the advice given. My post says it was removed, and I’m unsure why, so hopefully this one will stay.

      I’ll get to the update in a few. I just wanted to answer some FAQ/comments real quick:

      1 - this is fake! I WISH IT WAS. I really wish my mind worked in a way where I could make things up like this. Alas, my imagination is lacking.

      2 - your parents named you after Little Women? This is probably partially to blame for the “fake” comments. These are just placeholder names I used, as there are 4 sisters in that novel. My parents are hippies, and gave us some pretty noticeable names. If I used our real ones, on the off chance any of our friends read this, they’d know immediately this was our family.

      3 - Beth is continuing to lie and Chase is believing it and your mom and Jo threw you under the bus too! Re: Chase, I think he knew I was being truthful. Also, I said the text came from his phone. I was actually thinking Beth sent it, as that’s not Chase’s vibe. About mom & Jo - they didn’t throw me under the bus. But I’ll go into more detail soon.

      4 - Is it possible my mom had twins and I just forgot or didn’t know about the death? Absolutely not. I was at all of my sisters births. I don’t remember Jo’s, but I do remember Beth & Amy’s, and there were no multiples, no deaths, no funerals, no depression.

      5 - The birth certificate will prove it! It sure would, yes. But I’m not about to try to strong arm my sister into showing her husband her birth certificate.

      6 - Your sister is mentally ill, also the golden child, and you’re the scapegoat. I’m not about to say my sister is sick, but I do think she has some issues - as we all do. There’s no golden child and scapegoat in this family. My parents were and are really good about treating all of us fairly and equally.

      7 - You could have/should have been more tactful/pulled her aside/not called her a liar. Had I known that “Tyler” was my dead brother, I never would’ve asked who he was. Chase and I tease each other a lot, and I honestly thought he was about to come out with some kind of funny joke, alá “deez nuts.” Re: my lack of tact? Idk, I think it’s pretty lacking in tact to make up a whole dead sibling. And really, facts are facts. She lied, and that’s that. The night was about my son, so I squashed the issue and chose to move forward, hoping to end the conversation with as little drama as possible.

      Ok so now up to the update:

      After a night of barely sleeping and my blood pressure dangerously high, I called my mom this morning fully ready to let out an emotionally charged tirade about how I feel they unfairly threw me under the bus and took Beth’s side when she OBJECTIVELY did the worse thing

      My mom answered the phone apologizing and asked me to just listen. When she and Jo followed Beth & Chase to Beth’s room, Mom did tell Chase that Tyler was not real, and this is an issue between her and Chase, and they should probably leave, because she didn’t want the evening ruined. She did “get onto me,” but it was mostly out of sympathy and empathy for Beth, and she recognized it wasn’t ok. She apologized for that.

      She spoke with Chase this morning, and Beth (who is the one who sent me the text from Chase’s phone) finally came clean early this morning, after HOURS of denying the lie. Something I didn’t mention, as I didn’t feel it was pertinent to the story, is Beth’s eldest daughter (Madison) isn’t Chase’s biological daughter. He’s been around since Madison was 2. Also kind of pertinent, is that Chase is a first responder. He loves to be a hero. And he’s very good in that role. He met Beth doing victims advocacy. And as such, I believe they both view him as “saving,” Beth. This has a long been speculated, but it’s not exactly our place to say anything. And we all love Chase. He is an amazing person.

      And Beth is no dummy. She picked up on Chase’s hero complex immediately. It appears that, in an effort to make herself look more….sympathetic? Vulnerable? Broken? She lied about having a twin brother that died in childbirth. I guess being in an abusive relationship and having a small child just wasn’t enough?? She did not have to do that. They’ve been together 10 years now, and not once did she come clean. To me that proves a clear pattern of deceit and manipulation. However, I’m not going to speculate on her mental health problems or reasonings for not coming clean. That is for her and her husband to deal with.

      Neither one of them have called or texted me to apologize, and I’m honestly unsure if they will. Beth is more of the rug sweeping type, while I’m a confront issues head on type. I will not be cutting my sister off for this, though. I love her, and at the end of the day I just want her to be happy and healthy. I do hope that this whole issue will cause her to rethink some of her life choices and maybe she can get some therapy. I think we could all use therapy, tbh.

      That’s where we are right now. My mom did not offer any information about how Beth and Chase are doing, and I did not ask. It’s not my business. I have not heard from Jo, but Amy and I have been texting all morning and she is being my best good friend right now and providing a lot of support. Hopefully we can all move forward and grow together in the future.

      Thanks again for the support you all have sent my way.

      Top Comments

      Commenter 1: I am glad your mother apologized, but your sister really owes you - and the entire family - an apology. This was a really selfish and weird thing to do. She also owes Chase and his family an apology. I hope she gets some help for this. Good luck.

      Commenter 2: Your sister could probably benefit from therapy. I will never understand why people think it’s a good idea to lie about something so easily disproven. Don’t lie about anything and you won’t have situations blow up like this. I hope she comes to her senses and apologizes to you.

      Commenter 3: I think your family needs to do a sit down with your sister because this isn’t normal behavior at all. She lied for 10 YEARS ABOUT A DEAD BROTHER! Y’all need to call this behavior out since she’s wayyyy too old to be acting like this. And doing nothing is showing her that you guys will accept similar or the same type of behavior in the future.

      Commenter 4: Welp this is why she continues to do this nonsense at her big ass age. No one holds her accountable. You can’t move forward and grow together if people don’t take accountability.

      Your entire family enables her in the worst way

      DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

      THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP