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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/LucyAriaRose on 2025-04-20 04:02:40+00:00.

I am NOT the Original Poster. That was someone who deleted their profile. They posted in r/AmITheJerk

Thanks to u/BakingGiraffeBakes for the rec

Do NOT Comment on Original Posts. Latest update is 7 days old.

Trigger Warning: infidelity

Mood Spoiler: sad and full of audacity

Original Post: April 10, 2025

Throw away account . 4 years ago when I was 10 weeks pregnant with our daughter , I got a call from my mum that my dad had a heart attack. She was crying. I told my husband that I had to go back home ( Ystad, Sweden ). I went back home with the first flight ( from Toronto where we live). I was there for 4 months until my dad was better. I was in touch with my husband a lot ( mostly texting). Some nights I was too tired so I wasn’t replying fast and he felt neglected.

When I came back my husband was acting weird. I checked our security cameras because I thought he was doing something weird. I saw a woman coming to our house. I confronted him. He admitted that one night he got lonely and felt rejected by me so he messaged his ex on instagram. She ended up coming over and they hooked up. He said he regretted it later so he cut all contacts. He apologized. I was heartbroken. I also didn’t want my parents know because they had enough stress in their lives already. I was a zombie. I started writing down all my feelings. Then talked to him about how he hurt me and I was about to have a baby and didn’t know what to do. He begged me to forgive him and to give him a second chance. I decided to do it. He has been great so far. I’m pregnant with baby number 2.

Here is the thing : his best friend is getting married. He is in the bridal party. He is invited to go on a week trip to Thailand. I feel anxious about him cheating again. He says he has proven himself and feels insulted that I still don’t trust him. Am I a controlling jerk for not feeling comfortable about this ?

update: (Same post, sometime in the next 2 days)

I decided to message the bride privately and ask her if we could meet. I like to see what’s the whole Thailand plan is about . I’ll post update later

Some of OOP’s Comments:

Commenter: You are definitely not in the wrong for the way you feel it’s natural to feel that history could repeat itself self … the only thing I will say is you decided to stay and have another child together so it feels a bit like you haven’t really forgiven him and the trust is still not there but for your husband in his mind you forgave him stayed have another child and you said he has been great so he may feel confused by this in my opinion if you choose to forgive someone for cheating and stay you can’t then hold the cheating over them but that’s just my opinion … congratulations on your second baby x

OOP: Well that’s his argument. Have you forgiven me? Have I not proven myself? Then why are you controlling me

Commenter: What has he actually done to build up your trust? Concrete examples that is not examples of what he hasn’t done.

OOP: He let me check is phone randomly.

He shares his locations with me if I ask

He communicates with me constantly and if he feels rejected or neglected tells me

Commenter: You are aware why they pick Thailand. Sex workers all over! All of his friends will cheat.

OOP: (downvoted): He said groom found a deal. It’s a beautiful country with cheap food and lots of touristy stuff

Commenter: Fuck.

That.

But that’s just my humble opinion. Is this a norm on your relationship, where you each take extended vacations with friends? If so, he may have some standing (not that I would agree). If not, why would you start now? Especially for that long, for that occasion and to a country that is known for sex-capades?

OOP: No not norm at all.

Commenter: So why is this even a discussion? If that’s not how your relationship operates typically then there’s no reason he should expect you to be cool with him going, even if he hadn’t cheated on you during your marriage.

OOP: Because he thinks I’m being unfair. All other wives/gfs are okay with it and I should let him go if I trust him. He thinks he needs a fun boy trip before baby comes

Commenter: Honestly, I wouldn’t want my partner to leave me alone for a week with a toddler while pregnant.

I don’t know how far along you are or what kind of support network you have, but so much can go wrong with pregnancy and toddlers are hard.

OOP: I kind of feel uncomfortable. No one knows about his cheating. He begged me not to tell anyone. I’m afraid of if I ask I’ll look like a controlling spouse. I have no one expect his mom here for support. She will be watching our toddler when I give birth . My anxiety is so high these days

OOP adds:

Honestly I thought about leaving many times but he had long long long talks with me an convinced me we can get through this. Things have been good since then, but now my anxiety is back. I’m so nervous

To another commenter:

Yes he did do a STD test . It also took me very very long time to let him back in our bedroom or even kiss me

Commenter: What the hell with these bachelor “trips” 

OOP: It’s not a thing in our culture so it’s very odd to me tbh

Update Post: April 13, 2025 (3 days later)

Title: Update : not letting my husband to go on a bachelor party in Thailand

I talked to the bride and groom. Bachelor party was planned by the best man ( the single one). Groom told me to talk to the best man because itinerary is supposed to be a surprise to groom so he has no clue. I messaged the best man and asked if I can call him. He said my husband insisted on Thailand and originally it was supposed to be Japan . I literally begged him to tell me the truth because I’m pregnant and have a toddler.

He confessed my husband has been talking ( sending videos and pics) to a lady over there and plans to meet her. I asked how long has this been going on ? he said on and off a while . He apologized and said he will talk to the groom about it. I told him no please don’t talk to anyone because it doesn’t make any difference. I’m planning to talk to a lawyer to start the divorce process. I feel so defeated and stupid. I wonder if he is gonna blame me again for this?

Top Comment:

Unlucky-Captain1431: I’m mortified by that news. I’m so sorry that you’re having to endure hearing it was his idea. I hope his junk falls off.