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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Downtown-Dealer-7533 on 2023-09-04 00:04:15.

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Me(34M) and my wife (35F) are expecting a baby. Recently we’d gone for an ultrasound and we found out that it’s a girl. We were both very excited but now things aren’t going so well.

I got a call from my mother in law, thanking me for putting her in charge for our “gender reveal party” and when I’d be sending the money. I was confused and told her we already knew the gender of the baby. She said my wife told her that and they were hosting the gender reveal for the other family members who we haven’t told and she thought it was weird that I didn’t already know this since we asked her. I was very confused so I went to talk to my wife and she only told me then that she was hosting a gender reveal. I asked who was going to be funding it and she said it would obviously be me, even showing me her ideas, which were pricey.

I immediately shut the idea down because for one, as it stands, I’m the only one working, two, we have a budget which we both agreed to stick to, three, I’m still paying off our mortgage, and finally I’m also putting some into savings for our daughter. All this really takes a toll on the money we have and she knows this so it felt inconsiderate of her. She then told me she can’t cancel because she already informed a lot of her friends and it would be embarrassing to have to tell them it’s not happening. I told her it’d would be more embarrassing when we both end up raising our child on the streets.

Then the arguing began, and she talked about how she had a right to celebrate our child, how I can’t make these decisions for her and how everybody she knew had one so she had to have one too. This isn’t our first back and forth about wanting what others have. I didn’t say much, I just told her it wasn’t happening with the money we had so now we’re not talking and she’s gone to her mother’s place.

I did explain our financial situation to her mother and she said she’d talk to her. It’s been two days and she’s still not back even after all my attempts at reaching out. Now I feel like I’m a fault because it feels like I’m not man enough to provide for our family. I don’t know what do anymore but I’m definitely not funding the gender reveal or at the very least by myself.