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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/PressureIcy2301 on 2023-09-04 08:44:01.

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My partner and I (both 30s) are gearing up for his brother’s (30M) wedding next year. My partner is Best Man so he’s recently been stressing about planning the bachelor party and being gone during critical events at work. I’m not in the wedding party so all I’ve had to worry about is what to wear. I don’t get the chance to dress up often so I was going to pick up a dress I love but had no reason to buy otherwise (a bit of a splurge for me, but would have been worth it for their wedding).

Well I just found out that the couple eloped and had a courthouse wedding last month, they couldn’t wait to get married and did so in the town they met. They’re going to still hold the large wedding next year and invite hundreds of people, many of which would travel from out of town. But they’re keeping it secret that they’re already hitched. The first thing out of my mouth when my bf told me was that I thought that was kind of fucked up.

He asked me what I meant, so I said that I feel like it was shitty to hide that information from people. Some might not want to travel or pay as much money for a wedding that isn’t an actual wedding. He got quiet for a second, said “well I didn’t think about it like that,” got quiet again, then got angry and left the room while saying “well IIIII was excited about it.”

Like I know that I burst his bubble, but was what I said wrong? I’m of course still excited about the party and supportive of the relationship, but even I don’t want to spend the money I would have because it doesn’t feel the same to me. My expenses would be a fraction of what people would spend just to travel here (HCOL area) & I feel like you’re taking away that choice from people by hiding your marital status.

EDIT it didn’t take much for me to realize that I had a bias due to my own family’s traditions, and it wasn’t fair for me to impose those on anyone else. Regardless of the final vote here, I’ll be apologizing for being insensitive. Thank you to those of you who have helped me with their input.