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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/WeddingAndBabies on 2023-09-04 16:50:21.
Throwaway because I don’t want this linked to my original account.
My (26F) and Fiance (30M) were set to get married next summer 2024. It was going to be a fairly big and expensive wedding, typical in my culture. However, things changed when we found out I was pregnant, and we both agreed we’d be focusing on baby and me, instead of planning a wedding. We still plan on getting married but it wouldn’t be until much later.
When we told my dad that I was pregnant, we also made it very clear to him that the wedding will be postponed. I told him I needed to focus in the baby and not the wedding. It seemed he understood what I said. I also said not to tell anyone about my pregnancy as I was still fairly early and I wanted to announce when I’m further along.
Cue last weekend, he calls me telling me he needs invitations to the wedding for 40 of his friends out of country because he told them the wedding will be July 2024. Not only that, but I find out he’s my told aunts and uncles and announced my pregnancy while still saying the wedding was proceeding as planned.
I reminded him the wedding was being put on the back burner because I needed to focus on the baby. He kept saying how he doesn’t understand why we couldn’t still have the wedding as it’ll be happening 3-4 months after the baby was born. We’d just leave the baby at home on that day. He then began to guilt trip me by saying how this isn’t what my late mother would have wanted, and she would have wanted the wedding to continue.
Here’s where I’ve been told I’m the AH. I eventually got so fed up of it all, I told my dad if he wants the wedding to happen so badly, I expect his wedding gift to me would be to fund the entire wedding start to finish. Any money gifted to us (which will most likely be alot) would be pocketed by us and used for the baby. He got upset and said why couldn’t we just pay for the wedding ourselves. The wedding gift money would probably end up paying for most if not all the wedding anyways. He told my brother and my aunts about what I said and they told me I’m basically trying to rob my dad for a free wedding, and I should just go ahead with the wedding because he wants it.
So reddit… am I the asshole?
Edit: for people thinking it’s about getting a free wedding, to me, its not. If we were to postpone it, we’ve said he wouldn’t be paying for any of it at all. I just felt if he can’t take “NO” for an answer, and continues to invite people to this date, he should be the one paying for it.
NTA for wanting the wedding when you want it instead of when your dad does, but IMO definitely the AH for using your dad’s insistance as your financial gain. You basically bribed your father.
If he wants to invite friends and family to a date where a wedding will not occur, that’s on him to explain. You only have to explain what you and your future husband plan to do.