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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/MawSwamp03 on 2023-09-05 18:14:07.
I am a 28(m) that is having some issues with my friend group.I attended a small town university and lived off campus with a few roommates that are still part of my circle of friends. I also worked at a grocery store in a decent sized shopping plaza which is how I earned my portion of rent and utility money.
In the winter, snow wasn’t uncommon, we’re talking 2-6 inches. This definitely isn’t Chicago or New York, and again snow wasn’t unmanageable most of the time. Going a season without much snow isn’t odd either to give you an idea. My issue revolves around a blizzard though.
The county wasn’t equipped to deal with something like that and I think we ended up with something like four feet of snow, so cars were not moving at all. As some of you might have guessed it didn’t matter to my employer, we stayed open and I had to work. I was able to walk back and forth, so I wasn’t that upset, and my shift was during the storm as opposed to trying to walk through the full amount of snow.
When my shift ended it was dark, freezing, wendy, and low visibility. so I grabbed what I needed for a few days and prepared to walk home. Half way through the parking lot I noticed a woman walking in the same direction. I didn’t say anything but kept walking. When we got closer to the main road she turned around and asked me not to follow her. I told her I wasn’t following her but I was walking in the same direction. I even told her the name of my complex, but she asked me to wait 5-10 minutes so she could get further ahead for safety reasons.
I explained that I wasn’t waiting there due to obvious reasons but she was free to wait as long as she felt I had put enough distance between us to feel safe. I kept walking and she just stood under a parking lot light. I turned around once when I was much further away and I think she was still there but honestly it was low visibility so I was never sure. I did not want her to feel unsafe, but this was an not a normal time and standing out in that wouldn’t have been safe for either of us. I didn’t want to risk my health because I have different chromosomes.
Recently, I had several of my friends and their partners over before I closed my pool for the season and when I served one of my friends GF a drink she called me a gentleman. One of my friends said “oh no he is not!” and told the above story. This did not end up being a little thing to nearly half the group. Most of the women seemed shocked and one even said she couldn’t look at me the same. My friend said he was joking and said that he knows I’m a stand up guy. I said I understand safety for women, but when it comes to weather related risks, I’m just as at risk then any other person and if they didn’t respect or like me as a person then they could excuse themselves from my home. They called me a thoughtless jerk and left. Am I really the AH?
If a person has not armed themselves, their fear isn’t sufficient to dictate what I get to do.
If you’re afraid of me and your fear can be assuaged by me taking steps for you, that means your entire model of the danger is BS.
Because a man who is actually a danger is not a man you can ask nicely for space. A man who is an actual danger can only be dealt with via weaponry.
Therefore if you claim to be afraid, but you refuse to carry a weapon out of principle, you aren’t really that afraid. In fact, I think you have no idea what it’s like to be truly afraid. If you ask a person who is truly afraid “would you like a weapon?” they immediately say yes and grasp that weapon like their life depends on it.