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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/PimpleyPete on 2023-09-19 06:33:14.
I (40m) and my siblings, John (31m), and May(26f) lost our dad fairly young.
My mom was by no means a bad mom. She was stubborn.
She hated doctors. Because of that, she never went and relied more on a herbal remedy approach. Ultimately, her state worsened that she entered into a point where she could not do basic tasks for herself. This happened when May was 12ish.
She was home schooled for some time because mom needed help and an in-home caregiver wasn’t affordable.
I guess she was doing awful in school, because when May went back to public school she was immediately held back. To graduate on time, she was put in an alternative learning program in high school. Her chances of getting into a nice college plummeted after that.
May continued to struggle with school and almost didn’t graduate.
She did not do any sports or clubs.
Now at 26, May is a community college, earning her Associate’s. She has expressed embarrassment to John and I about this, usually adding in she wished she had tried harder in high school and went to a nice college.
John is supportive, and will comfort her with things like, ‘you tried you’re best while suffering from caregiver burnout’, etc. I’m quiet on the matter, generally. I am not one for pitying people, even if that’s what they want. Do I wish May had tried harder? Yes. But it is, what it is. I wanted to keep it like that until she brought it up again. She asked me about it and I was honest with her. I said she should have tried harder, yes, and while it was more of a challenge on her to help our mom, she could have made better plans when it came to cares and studying (Ex: She could have studied after bathing and putting mom to bed).
She agreed, but John flipped out on me later via text, saying May was depressed asf those years and I had no idea what she went through.
AITA?
You could have done more too.