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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Solomnsource on 2023-10-05 14:37:58.

I (29F) recently got engaged to my (30M) fiancé.

My bf (Hannah, 29F) and I have been close since school. She got w her boyf (Rob 31M) the same year as I got w my fiancé. She routinely complains about how inconsiderate and insensitive Rob is. She’s a sensitive person so he really can be nasty though she mostly excuses it as “banter”. I keep my opinions to myself bc I just want her to be happy and don’t want to draw a wedge between us.

We sent out invites for our party, Hannah text to check the time, saying they’d be late as Rob had plans but she might come up earlier with their baby, I said great and np! I went to see Hannah, Rob and the baby 3 days before the party. Rob was rude from the offset, told me he didn’t like my new haircut, my arrangements are excessive and that Hannah would NEVER get a flower cloud “IF” they got engaged. He complained about the attire, refused to wear a shirt despite Hannah offering to iron. I asked what time they’d be arriving, they said 7.30pm because Rob likes to chat after the football, then there’s getting changed and driving. I joked that he skip the football for 1 day (he goes every weekend and watches EVERY match on tv) he asked why would he’d that? I said because it’s my engagement party and he looks me dead in the eye and said “and I don’t care?”. No laugh, just a shrug. I said he should be more supportive of his girlfriend and she said nothing. Later in the car I asked her to be my bridesmaid, she said she wouldn’t have been offended if she hadn’t been chosen bc she knows I wouldn’t take it personally if she didn’t pick me bc its just one of those things. I awkwardly agreed. I went on to say I felt Rob had been a bit rude, if he doesn’t care he doesn’t have to come and I’m not v happy with them being 3 hours late. She excused him, said it’s “banter”, he didn’t mean it, he was trying to wind me up… she then tells me that the plans she can’t get away from are a small town football club match and he does the live Twitter updates for.

I get home and tell my fiancé who’s livid and says Rob’s no longer invited, he’s rude and was only Hannah’s +1 anyway. I know he’s right and is saving me the upset of Rob making a dig at the party. I text Hannah and say, I know this is awkward, I’m really upset about what was said earlier and I think it’s best Rob sits this one out. I love you, I hope you understand and still want to be involved. She responds to say that this would have been sorted if I’d just brought it up at the house, it was only banter, I’m being unfair by banishing her baby’s father and have put her in a terrible position and that she has to choose between us, if they can’t all come together then she won’t be coming either.

He text me but I didn’t respond because I was busy. Next day she text to say she’d sit it out with Rob. I told her she can sit out the rest of the events and the wedding in that case, essentially ended our friendship over this idiot. AITA?