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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/ExpensiveExtreme3312 on 2023-10-05 17:47:04.

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My (18M) dad (36M) high school GF, Melanie (36F) had me when they were 18. My dad asked if they could get a termination as he had dreams of going to college. Melanie was Baptist so she said no, dad said OK as it was her decision, decided to drop college and start a family. When I was 6 months old, Melanie said this wasn’t the life she wanted, had a breakdown, dumped me on dad and moved.

My dads parents and my dad looked after me, while my dad attended a smaller college in-state. Soon, he met Anita, an Indian exchange student, and by the time I was 2, they were married. Btw, Dad is white and so is Melanie, so obviously I am too. When they graduated, we moved to our current state, and dad and Anita did PhDs. They’re both Profs in my state’s Ivy college, and I have a brother Peter aged 8.

I put “stepmom” in quotes because ever since I could talk I called Anita mom, and she was always my mom. She loves me, never showed any difference in affection towards me and Peter, and is my best friend.

Last year Melanie got in touch as she moved to my state. She had a husband and 2 kids (Peter’s age). She kept inviting me around, asking me to do stuff with her and “my siblings”, and sometimes I’d say yes but I didn’t care about her as she never cared till I was 17, sorry if that sounds rude. She asked if I could call her Mom also, I declined, she seemed OK if a little pissed.

I did well in school, and got a state award and a full college ride for next year. The ceremony was last week. I got 3 “free” tickets - anyone else who wanted to come had to pay $25 each. I gave the tickets to Dad, Anita, and Peter. Melanie was offended, and asked why I couldn’t give her one and my parents pay for Peter, I said no. So she paid for her, her kids, and husband to come.

In my speech I thanked my parents for helping me with schoolwork, and joked that I picked a college far away as they taught in ours. Afterwards, an official asked which were my parents to congratulate them, assuming it was Dad and Melanie (fair, since I am white). I said no, that Dad and Anita were my parents, so he congratulated them.

Melanie started crying after the event, telling me how “insulting” it was for me to say Anita was my parent, and how it looks awful for me to keep saying that “an Indian lady was my mom, even though everyone knows thats not true”. Dad whisked us off, but Melanie has been posting on FB about “brainwashed” children of divorce and “elitists” looking down on people who didn’t go to college.

Reddit, was I horrible? I know it seems rude to say Anita is my parent and ignore Melanie but in that context (and all contexts) I wanted Anita to get the credit because SHE was the college prof and SHE helped me with school, even more than dad as she did the humanities (where I struggled). Also, Melanie and my dad were never married.

Is this normal? Must I call her mom too just because we are the same race, so people don’t look at us weird? Have I embarassed her in public? Please help.

Edit: nobody has ever “looked at us weird” btw, and nothing has made me feel insecure about not being Anita’s race. I see her as my mom and always have, and while people sometimes get confused, they catch on quite fast as my state is quite diverse so multiracial families are common.