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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/KittenDealinMama on 2023-10-21 09:49:14.
This is a New Update on a story previously shared here.
Originally posted by u/throwway_wifeismyhs in r/tifu on Feb 18, '23, updated March 2, '23. New Update on Oct 11, '23 is marked with 🔴🔴🔴
Trigger Warning: Accidental incest, mentions of organ transplant, health issues, adoption
TIFU By getting getting tested to donate a kidney to my wife.
I decided to get tested to see if I could donate my kidney to my wife of 6 years. We have two kids together (4f,2m). My wife got sick just after our son was born and now is in need of a kidney transplant. We checked with her relatives and none were a match or a viable doner.
Last week I got tested. I knew it would be a long shot so I decided to get tested to see if I could donate. I got a call the other day saying that I was a match. The doctor then said something about wanting to do additional testing due to some information from the HLA tissue test results. I didn’t think much of it and agreed.
Then the results came in I was shocked and confused. He explained that because of how DNA information is passed down through generations a parent to a child could have at least a 50% match. Siblings could have a 0-100% match. It was rare to have a high match as husband and wife. I asked what does that mean.
He said that my wife and I have an “abnormally high match percentage.”
Long story short were related. No I’m not kidding. I was put up for adoption before I was born. Placed into a family that moved across the country. I knew I was adopted but we didn’t have any I formation about my bio family. It was a closed adoption.
I met my wife by chance 8 years ago. I was on a trip from work and she was working at the sight I went to. We worked together for a week. We exchanged numbers kept in touch. I was sent back there 3 more times that year and each time we became closer. I was given the opertunity to be transferred out there in a new higher paying position in a different department as hers the rest is history.
I don’t know what do do moving forward but I know it may be wrong. She is my wife and the mother of our kids. This post is probably going to get removed but it is all true.
TL;DR: Wife of 6 years needs a kidney I got tested and we have an abnormally high match percentage for being husband and wife.
Edit: look at name. All of my family is from my adopted parents. My parents adopted me 2 minutes after I was born. Their name is on my Birth certificate. They have not told me anything about my bio parents and don’t have any info. Her family is not a match as stated above most of her family has low match potential or can’t donate due to medical or other reasons. I am 2 years older than my wife. I do know that my wife was born when her parents were late teens.
This is an update. The original was posted about 2 weeks ago.
Yes I know I misspelled across. Yes, I do have bad grammar and spelling. Yes, I am stressed and freaking out. Yes, I can play the banjo. No there was no genetic test when we got married. Our state stopped that in the 1990s. No, my wife has never been stuck in the dryer but, she once got stuck under the bed…(joke)
The reason I did not go in too much detail is to try to not be so specific that I or my wife might be recognized. Well, the front page of Reddit didn’t help with that. Thank you all for your comments and feedback. I didn’t respond to them but I did read all of them.
The reason her family couldn’t donate was that close relatives had some medical issues that prevent them from donating. Examples: high blood pressure, diabetes, cancer, heavy drinkers, and more. The further out we tested the less percent of a match. I wanted to be tested because we needed to find someone. The doctor said it would be unlikely but wouldn’t hurt to try.
I was freaking out after I got the news and had to get outside advice. When the doc said that the percentage was abnormally high and that we might be related I kind of zoned out and started to piece things together in my mind.
My parents live a thousand miles away. They met my inlaws a few times. Once at my wedding and when both my children were born.
My children are fine. My daughter is incredibly smart for her age. My son is a handful and healthy.
The way my adoption worked was when my bio mom gave birth to me I was checked out and put in a different room(I was there but don’t know how it officially worked). From what My parents explained they were in that room waiting. They never met my bio mom in person. My bio mom only had a profile and picked them out of many candidates.
I called my parents and told them that I needed to know everything they knew about my bio mom. They told me that they had limited knowledge. They said she was a single mom that was 16 years old. The father was not in the picture. Also, I was born in a hospital one hour from where my wife was born. Like I said limited knowledge.
Growing up I didn’t want to find out about my bio parents. To me, my parents were always my parents. I knew I was adopted and that it was a closed adoption. I figure it wouldn’t matter long term.
I’m not going to do an additional at-home DNA test through any of the traditional testing sights like 23 or ancestry due to personal reasons. Like the possibility of the family finding out. The doc said all of this to only me, not with my wife present. Some of the additional tests were done through the doctor which was the cM test? (I’m not an expert on DNA testing) they said it was like a 1900+ cM match. This basically confirms one of my bio parents is one of hers. (it can also mean first cousins or aunt/uncle) I’m guessing her dad. (when my kids were born my parents brought photos of me as a baby and commented that I and my son looked a lot like my wife’s dad). My son was easily explainable. But all 3 of us are a different story.
I’m not going to bring this up ever. I might look at my FIL differently but nothing will hopefully change. I hope none of the family goes on Reddit and connects the dots.
I am donating my kidney to my wife. We have started the full process. That takes time and a lot of preparation. I plan on talking to my wife after the surgery and after recovery. We will decide what to do with our kids. If we are going to get them tested or ever tell them. I will not be leaving my wife. I love and will always be there for her. I made vows and I will keep them. I love her more than I would a half-sister.
TL;DR I’m donating my kidney to my wife who is most possibly my paternal half-sister.
ETA I do plan on telling her after the surgery. She is not doing well and I think this will be even harder in her. I would rather her know that I love her as a husband rather than flip her world upside down right before life-changing and dangerous surgery. If something were to happen.
Telling our kids is not a decision I’m going to make on my own it will be a joint thing after my wife knows.
🔴🔴🔴
Oct 11, '23
My wife is probably my Half-Sister. Pt.1
Again, English is my first language, I’m just bad at it.
People still think this is fake, and that is okay. It is my life, not yours. In the long-term, it only affects my life, not yours.
Okay, first, my wife and I did go through with the transplant. We both are recovering/ have recovered well now. My wife is the healthiest she has been since just after our son was born.
My profile has all the other posts. But since I posted this on my profile you most likely are up to date.
I have tried to write this update about a gazillion times. Hopefully, I can finish this one and not miss anything and try to give details in order. This will probably be my only update.
Thanks to the people who reached out and shared your personal experiences and advice(with the transplant). It helped.
So I kept to my original plan. I did not tell my wife about the possibility of us being related until after the surgery.
Before the surgery, my parents came into town as soon as they could. It really helps having a big family support system like we have.
The days leading up to the surgery seemed like there just wasn’t enough time in the day for everything. With 900 Dr appointments, getting things prepared for worse case scenarios, researching, setting up my parents (and other family) in our house to watch our kids, and just spending time together as a family.
The doctors were fantastic and laid everything out in a professional but relatable fashion. They answered all the questions and concerns we had leading up to, during, and post-op (there were a ton of questions).
It was one of the best feelings seeing my wife hopeful for the first time in a long time. I knew I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I took that away from her. In the days leading up, I decided I was going to write a letter to my wife if things went bad for me (but she survived). I wrote her 6 pages (I have small handwriting).
In it, I told her how much I loved her. How much she changed me from the moment we met. How she …
Content cut off. Read original on https://old.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17cxcp6/tifu_by_getting_getting_tested_to_donate_a_kidney/
"In it, I told her how much I loved her. How much she changed me from the moment we met. How she was my universe. But also how sorry I was for keeping a secret from her and lying to her. Went in to details of what I found out over the last week. How we might be related and all the evidence. I gave it to my parents to give to her if something were to happen to me. But if we both didn’t make it, then to read it with my in law’s. I also made other letters.
The surgery went well for both of us. They said my organ(s) look “mighty fine.” The transplant worked out rather quickly for my wife, and her body accepted it.
I ended up scratching my eye pretty bad, and they put an eye patch on me. So when I saw my wife for the first time, her first words to me were, “The doctors knew we were here for the kidney, right?”
Recovery over all sucks. There was virtually no position that was comfortable. (Shout out to the person(s) who recommended sleeping in a recliner, using stuffed animals my kids picked out as comfortable pillows, and more). I felt like a baby because my wife never complained and was healing well and taking it easy.
Me on the other hand, am not so smart and decided I should go against Dr’s orders and did not take it easy and ended up having to go to the ER and have a secondary surgery to repair damages I caused. Please listen to your medical professionals.
New update part 2
Oct 11, '23
My wife is probably my Half-Sister part 2
Now on to what yall really care about.
During recovery, my wife got into tiktok/reddit. Well, after a time, she found a little post that made it WAY BIGGER than I ever intended. Looking back, I should have been more careful. Thanks for all the interaction and thanks to the ladies at twohottakes. My wife loves you guys.
During this time, she started to ask more in-depth questions about my adoption (my parents were still at the house at this point). Parents answered all questions. My wife used the excuse of wanting to put a memory book together for our kids and wanted to include a family history of us growing up and including our parents who raised us. She knew most of this info but wanted more details.
She asked her dad about more details of his childhood, how he met my MIL, if my MIL was his first relationship. She knew some, but I was learning a lot. Also reminder my wife was born when her parents were older teens. Im older than her. He said no MIL was not his first relationship. We ended up pulling out his old year books of his from high school, and he showed us the girl who was his first real relationship.
I knew she was (probably) my bio mom. I could see features that I have in her. He told us fond memories he had of her. He said their relationship ended because of her parents, and he never saw her again. He tried finding out what happened to her but couldn’t (before the internet). Shortly after that, he asked out my MIL, and here we are. (We got my FIL side, then my MIL said, “Now let me tell you how it really happened.” Proceeded to tell us a different story that was more believable)
Nothing about all of this was a red flag indicating that my wife knew my secret. But after that visit, I felt extremely guilty. She was healthier than she had been in years. Out of the major danger zone. So I had no real excuse not to tell her anymore. It took me 2 additional weeks to finally tell her. She noticed I was acting off and finally asked me if I was okay.
I said I needed to talk to her about something serious, possibly life altering, and potentially a relationship ending topic. But, that I love her and will do absolutely everything she decided from that point forward. She told me that was not a good start to a conversation and asked if I wanted to try again.
So I gave her the letter I had written before the surgery. She went from curious-happy-crying- intense concentration-unreadable. In my head, I basically handed her divorce papers, and I would never see her or my kids again. Our life that we have built just got nuked (i’m dramatic in my head). When I get nervous, I pace back and forth.
When she finished reading it, she took a moment then came over to me, stopped me from pacing. Said to look at her, smile with a genuine smile, and said “you are the dumbest, smart person I know.” Then kissed me.
This started a long conversation. She came across my first post (after the surgery) and found it oddly specific to our situation. Even though I changed some facts and circumstances. She connected the dots. This started her trying to find out if it was true, if I would eventually tell her or continue to her lie/hide it from her. She reassured me that it changed nothing in our relationship. She is my wife. I am her husband. She will always have a piece of me with her at all times. She said (like a bunch if comments) that she doesn’t view it as wrong because we did not grow up together, we didn’t know, and it is a bit too late to back out now.
We decided to have our kids do genetic testing when they are more age appropriate. Mainly for the unknown from me being adopted. We are not (for now/possibly ever) telling anyone.
We also looked up who we (now) suspect is my bio mom. What we found was that she ended up passing a few years ago due to drunk driver (don’t drink and drive), but I possibly have 2 other half sisters. So, I have dating options down the road if needed. (Wife hit me when I told her this).
Kids are doing really well. All they know is that mommy is doing better and enjoying spending more time with her and the extra energy/playfulness that she hasn’t had in a while. They are doing really well.
So, all in all. The best case scenario happened. The only things I would change is if the doctors tell you to take it easy and give you proper medical advice. Follow it. Also, if you are keeping a secret from your wife/SO. Don’t. They probably know already and is just letting you keep digging the hole deeper.
My wife and I are doing really well. We are probably the closest we have been in a long time. I asked her to marry me again. She said she would think about it. Paused for like 5 long seconds, and of course, yes, I will marry you.
I’m not as afraid as I was about family finding or seeing this post. I now have a goddess like force to have my back if I/we ever get questioned. We have made contingency plans.
Like I said, I probably won’t update again. I thank you all!"
Thanks for this! Having the content cut off always sucks.
Yeah super annoying to go to reddit but better 1 person than everyone interested.