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The original was posted on /r/amithecloaca by /u/doodlebagsmother on 2023-10-03 18:38:32.

I have no idea why these humans keep calling me a cloaca since I, Misery Meow (8E), am the most glorious void to ever blend in with the shadows, but here I am again.

Today, the housekeeper and groundskeeper left the premises without permission for several hours, but at least they had the decency to be back by lunchtime. The housekeeper spent the afternoon working at her second job, which I’ve graciously allowed her to have despite the great personal cost. This sometimes involves a great clacking of keys and muttered curses, and today was one of those days.

Once she’d finished cursing and hissing, she decided to go upstairs and meditate. Now, from what I’ve read online, meditation is a time for quiet contemplation, which sounds ideal for cats. However, this faulty servant started off by ushering her precious dogs outside and then unceremoniously turfing me and my fat brother outside as though we’re great smelly beasts.

This would not stand, so used my ninja skills to enter the house on the first floor. There I found her slumped on the couch, feet on the coffee table, coffee mug balanced on her gut, listening to… well, it was the most beautiful music I’d ever heard.* It spoke to my soul.

She didn’t notice my presence at first, but I had to investigate the contents of the mug in case it was milk. I was very offended when she said, ‘How did you get in here, you miserable shit? And you can’t have any wine.’ She promptly turned down the beautiful angel song, picked me up (how rude!), carried me down the stairs, and turfed me out the door. When I heard her closing the bathroom window, I sniggered to myself because I knew I could once again make my way upstairs.

And that’s exactly what I did. I managed to restrain myself for the first five minutes, but the siren song of the music was too much and I found myself drawn to the subwoofer. I tried to show my appreciation by rubbing against it. All this led to was another unceremonious removal and more closing of windows.

I managed to break her with the third incursion. See, she didn’t realize that I can scale one of the pillars that hold up the veranda. When I settled next to her on the couch to listen to this most beautiful music I’d ever heard, she sighed and turned the volume down. This didn’t sit well with me, so I bit her until she turned it up again. She looked horrified, but I wouldn’t be deterred. I even allowed her to stroke me without biting her to encourage her to do the right thing.

Unfortunately, the housekeeper’s not very bright and ended her meditation when the song ended because, according to her, she doesn’t want to deafen me. I think she’s just selfish. I obviously bit her for not sharing the heavenly choir, but she was not to be deterred and called me a cloaca for ruining her meditation hour. However, I feel I did my best to express my approval and would happily go a little deaf by listening to the most beautiful music to ever be produced. AITC?

[Rage Against the Machine. He loves Rage Against the Machine. I’m somehow not surprised. He’d probably rage against anything that’s not a can opener.]