This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/asoneafterinfidelity by /u/Delicious-Lie2145 on 2023-10-04 06:09:20.

I (38F) have been asking WH (38M) to get IC since dday.

Actually, when dday happened, WH told me “I will do anything. ANYTHING. Get counseling by myself. Done”

We did quickly enter MC and R has been amazing.

But every time I’ve asked him to do IC he’s resisted.

He tells me he knows why he did what he did. We were unable to communicate our needs and he felt lonely. AP came along and he had an affair because he wanted to.

He never thought about how it would hurt me because he was selfish and jstified it all in his head to make him the victim so he didn’t feel the guilt and shame that he says is very present now.

He says he will never do this again because he never wants to hurt me like this and never wants to feel this shitty about himself. And that we’ve learned to communicate and be vulnerable so he will come to me if something is missing or needing work.

I can appreciate all of this but I can’t accept “because I wanted to” as the bottom line and not explore what made him give himself the permission to do what he did.

BS, how have you been able to reason with truly remorseful WS who can’t see that there is a deeper issue beyond the surface level excuse for the affair?