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The original was posted on /r/asoneafterinfidelity by /u/mslaurasaurus on 2023-10-04 04:21:45.

The person who she was cheating with basically said she didn’t want to talk to her anymore so she’s been forced to mourn that relationship and put in the work here with me. This is something I begged for, but she just wasn’t capable of quitting that relationship until now.

I feel her growing and getting better and I have this weird feeling like I’m being left behind. I don’t know what to do with this feeling. I used to have a secure attachment, and I’m used to being the healthy, level-headed one in the relationship, but now I find myself being a person I don’t recognize and saying things that aren’t loving. I’m being petty. I’m angry. I want someone to feel my hurt. But why do I feel this way? I got what I wanted - she’s focusing on us. The other girl is gone. She’s helping around the house. She’s wanting me physically. And I’m crying in the car for hours. And picking fights. And pulling away at advances for intimacy.

She’s wanting to go to concerts, and therapy, and meditating. I feel like I’m bullying her for wanting to move on, to live life. I want to move on too. I want us to move on together. But I can’t. So many things are triggering to me, and it’s like she has just forgotten. When I bring it up, she wants me to drop it, and that just makes me want to dig in deeper and sit in my pain - you don’t get to just do this to us and then have a good life that’s not fair. Even worse is when she hears me and says yeah that’s fair. Because I can feel her healing and feel myself getting stuck if that makes sense. Every time she decides she’s going to buy something or start a hobby to better herself, I get a little sad. Because I’m like yes find yourself, stop being codependent, but like…the person who was immature hurt me - and I never got to settle things with her. You’ve grown now, and we never addressed it.

Does anyone else have experience with this. What do you do. How do you move on yourself.