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The original was posted on /r/asoneafterinfidelity by /u/funsizerads on 2023-10-05 06:24:15.

4 Months 3 Weeks Post D-Day

I was going through his work bag to look for pens and instead I pulled out 1 unopened condom. My entire body froze.

Usually this would have triggered me. This would have angered me and I’d have assumed that he’s planning to hook up on his next work trip.

But this time was different. My brain immediately thought this must be from the time he met AP2 in June because he said he’s going to work on-site, and I remember he took his bag with him.

I didn’t need to comb through our shared bank accounts or our phone usage. I already knew in my gut this wasn’t for someone that he’s planning on meeting with. It was from when he met with AP2 in June.

What made me not spiral? He spent the week holding me before we fell to sleep, making love when we wake up, texting me how much he loved me throughout the day (knowing that I need to just feel more secure with him), plus when I found the condom, at that moment he was in his car doing virtual therapy. These past weeks, he’s been more determined than ever to make me feel secure.

After therapy, he came in the house and put his arms around me while I was preparing our eldest child’s dinner. I just looked at him and asked calmly, “hey why do you have a condom in your work bag?”

He said surprised, “Oh. That’s still there? That’s from when I met OP2 because I had my work bag with me. Let me throw that out now so you know I don’t plan on using it.”

He then hugged me and said, “That must have triggered you. I’m sorry I hurt you again.”

He didn’t gaslight me yelling, “Why are you looking at my work bag?” or “This again?” or “What do you think?”

He didn’t pause or stammer trying to come up with a lie to get out of it.

IT STILL HURTS. Don’t get me wrong. That condom came from a pack of 3, and only one is left. And I know why. I know the details of how the other 2 were used.

But this time it felt different. It didn’t feel recent. I am more secure in his words and in his actions. He said he was proud of us and how far we’ve come. 2 weeks ago we’d have been yelling and spiraling apart, but tonight we held each other for a long time then we dislodged and continued making dinner.

Thanks for everyone’s encouraging words and telling me to not let the triggers overtake the love. I’m grateful for this sub.

(PS, I’m not rug sweeping his infidelity. I’m just not as triggered at the moment because his current actions say he’s doing everything he can to keep us together)