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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/EmptyBed3895 on 2023-10-05 10:11:43.

I (25F) was a foster kid most of my childhood. I never got adopted or found a forever family. I’m now married to my husband Jamie. Jamie’s sister Bev and her husband Mike are foster parents. They were starting the process when I first met them 5 years ago and they have been actively fostering for the last three years. 18 months ago they had Daisy (12) placed with them. She’s their first longer time foster and they have mentioned they want to keep her and adopt her in the near future.

Daisy has not been on board with that idea and there’s a tension surrounding them and a lack of trust on Daisy’s part. Bev and Mike have not always discussed what’s going on with their family. For the most part they act like things are perfect. But Daisy talks to me. She knows I’m a former foster kid and I think she finds comfort in having someone who gets certain things.

Daisy’s willingness to talk to me drives Bev crazy. Recently she cornered me and said we needed to talk. She was pissed that Daisy and I had been deep in conversation for a couple of hours and that Daisy said more to me, though she couldn’t hear exactly what she was saying, in the two hours we spoke than Daisy had said to her since she moved in with them 18 months prior.

The biggest issue is Bev and Mike cannot understand that Daisy loves her mom and wants to be with her again. Daisy has talked about Mike and Bev being against her feelings for her mom. Bev also went on a tyraid about it not being good for Daisy. That in the fostering classes it was mentioned and discussed at length but she never figured a kid would want a drug addicted parent over a loving family who do everything she never got with her bio parent. Bev sees it as the job of a foster parent to show their foster kid that it’s not good to crave someone who doesn’t treat you right. She said it would be their failure to let a kid refuse to accept a family in favor of someone who didn’t want them.

Then she ranted about Daisy talking to me openly and being more upfront with me. I said sometimes foster kids want someone who gets it. Bev said it didn’t make sense though and I should be doing more to help and encouraging Daisy to open up. I told her she and Mike needed help before Daisy should be talking more openly to them. She asked what the fuck that meant and I said it was the way she talked about Daisy’s love for her mom and wish to return to her. I told her it makes her the worst kind of trying to do good foster parent there is. Because you can’t look beyond what you think is right to try and understand and accept that being a foster kid comes with complex emotions and wishes and while I fully believe that you are trying to do good for Daisy, you are doing way more harm than you realize.

Bev is furious with me and while Jamie and even some of my other ILs defended me, I wonder if I stepped over the line.

AITA?