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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/idontthinkitsonme on 2023-10-05 14:53:46.

Names changed for privacy.

A couple of months ago, me, my husband, and my daughter (6) were visiting my parents. My sister, “Jane”, her husband “Toby”, and their foster son “JJ” (9) were staying as well. One day I was out with my mother and we came home to everyone arguing. Jane had been supervising the kids playing outside and JJ had tried to get my daughter to go in the pool, but she didn’t want to, they’d argued, and before Jane could get to them, my daughter had slipped and fallen on the patio and scraped her knee and started crying. This brought everyone else outside and obviously my husband was extremely angry, which led to him telling JJ off. Jane and Toby were then upset and by the time I got there JJ was having a panic attack. Jane and Toby ended up leaving early because JJ went straight out to their car and wouldn’t even come inside.

Fast forward to now, it’s my dad’s birthday and we’re having a small party as it’s a milestone birthday. Jane called me and asked that we not come to the party because JJ doesn’t feel comfortable seeing us. She said he’s hand lasting issues since the visit and is scared to be around us again, so could we do something with Dad another day. I asked why Jane doesn’t just do something with Dad on a different day but she said JJ already knows about the party and she doesn’t want him to feel excluded from a family get together. The family coming are visiting for a week so it’s not like not going would mean missing seeing anyone, but I think if you’re the one with the issue you’re the one who should bow out. AITA for refusing to make the concession?

Editing the post with this info, I didn’t put it in the original because I thought it might not be allowed - my daughter slipped and fell on the patio while being dragged by JJ. She had bruises from him trying to pull her into the pool. I’m sure he didn’t mean for her to slip but this wasn’t a harmless accident.