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The original was posted on /r/asoneafterinfidelity by /u/JumpIntelligent707 on 2023-10-05 04:38:31.

And now I just feel so drained, so empty. Throwaway account because my spouse knows my main page now.

Last DDay was April of 2022. We have been really good lately. No arguing, no talk of the affair. I’ve been in a really good place mentally. Really healing. But tonight, I don’t even know what happened. For context since you don’t have my history on this account, I’m female (BS), he is male (WP). He cheated on me with his ex wife for 1.5 years.

Things have been so freaking good lately. But tonight, he got a text from one of our employees (we both are managers at the same company). He was changing our son so I picked up his phone to answer the text. I clicked on the message on the locked screen so when I put it in the passcode, it took me straight to that one message to read and reply. As I’m replying, our boss texts him as well asking a question. I finish my reply then I swipe back to go to his message list so I could answer my boss because I knew the answer. I told him our boss texted and asked if he wanted me to respond so there was no snooping or shadiness or anything going on.

When I went to the message list, the third name down under the two I had just been in was his ex wife. He had 3 unread messages from her. I opened them. I couldn’t help it. It was like panic mode instinct. I quickly read through their conversation. They have a son together as well so they do talk occasionally still. But normally he tells me when they do. Their conversation was completely innocent. Not a single sexual or lovey thing in the messages that I read from today. The first part was him checking on his son to see if he was feeling better (he had been sick) and the other half was just a general conversation about something. Y’all, I lost it. I got up and handed him his phone and said “Allie texted you back. Don’t worry, I already read it all” and I left and went to the shower. I was having an emotional panic attack. I was standing in the shower shaking and crying and scratching my skin and pinching myself. If you had seen me, you would think I was strung out on meth. That’s how uncontrollably anxious I was. I kept talking to myself just saying “I don’t want to be blindsided again. I don’t want to be cheated on. I know he’s going to cheat on me again. I can’t do this, I can’t do this”. I’m saying these same lines over and over. Crying, holding my head with my hands. Literally having a panic attack. All because I saw her name and saw them having a conversation about something other than their son. That was an hour ago. I’ve calmed down but I just asked to be alone for awhile.

I’m so sad. I don’t want to feel this way forever. How could all my positive feelings over the last few months be instantly erased by just seeing them text? I don’t know what to do. How am I ever going to be okay if I have a panic attack over an innocent conversation?