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The original was posted on /r/amithecloaca by /u/evil_moooojojojo on 2023-10-05 17:06:24.

Greetings, loyal subjects. It is I, your fierce warrior queen, Queen Madeline.

It has been quite a morning. Momma had the audacity to shove me in a carrier and take me somewhere. I did not agree to being manhandled in such a manner or to being abducted in such a fashion. What was she thinking?

She took me to the vet, or the pokey place to use the vernacular. I did not get poked (shots are all up to date) so I suppose that is good, but I have been gravely insulted! Momma has been rudely teasing me for being a “chonk”. She says it’s fine, lord knows she’s certainly a chonk herself. But the vet agrees with her. And now? Now I am being forced into a diet! A diet! It says die right there in the name! Obviously I shall starve to death. (Mom note – looking through her records from the shelter, she was 7 pounds when she came in, 8 when I adopted her 5 months ago, and now the fatass is 11 pounds. Haha. Somebody quite enjoys being an indoor cat with more than enough food.)

As though being told I am slightly overweight (the audacity!!) Isn’t enough, I was further insulted and mistreated. Apparently the vet feels my age is wrong. She says I am older than 2. How dare she say such a slanderous thing! How dare she call me old! One does not question a lady about her age, not to mention a queen! The outrage!! This lack of manners must be addressed, but rest assured I am already plotting my revenge. She says I have bad teeth as well, and now momma has made an appointment for me to get a cleaning. As if all the outrageous slander and ageism wasn’t enough, now I must be punished as well?

Unbelievable. Naturally as soon as we returned home, I asserted my dominance by looking at momma and processing to eat. Obviously I am not TC but then why am I insulted so? Why must my royal personage be subjected to such punishment as diets and teeth cleanings?