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The original was posted on /r/dating_advice by /u/Cool-Ad-3417 on 2023-10-05 12:37:07.

He’s 50. I’m female 48. Dating couple months, serious/physical/exclusive. known him for over 1 year. He has a close female friend lives 2 hours away. Used to be romantic w her about 15 years ago, known her for 20 years. He drives down and spends the whole weekend at her house couple times since we’ve been dating. I told him It makes me uncomfortable that he has overnights w females. He thinks I’m being weird. I don’t even stay w guys when I visit out of town ones even when I’m single. Personally I don’t think he should have private one on one female relationships. Am I crazy at this point in time? I for sure don’t want that in a marriage but I can see his point that it’s only a few months in and he doesn’t want to give up a long time friend but I didn’t ask him to completely cut her out of his life. How do you guys navigate opposite sex friends during dating? I see it kind of like a trial run at marriage so I kindof expect to be able to resolve this during dating and not wait til marriage to figure out the boundaries

***I’d like to reiterate that I did not say they could not be friends. Also initially I didn’t say anything but he pressed me on it and wanted open communication about our feelings etc. So that’s when I commented about my feelings. I did not ever say ‘no you can’t go’ or anything to that effect. I was hoping he would say ok I’ll just go for the day or hey come with me or something to that effect but he went a second time for a full weekend. I felt disrespected. On my end, when ive had close male friends that found a SO. I would make it very clear that I would include the female in any dealings I had with my friend. I would call her and invite the BOTH of them to something or sometimes even just chat with her. I think that is a respectable way to maintain friendships after one or both parties gets into a relationship. No private things that the SO didn’t know about or wasn’t involved in. Maybe that’s old fashioned