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The original was posted on /r/asoneafterinfidelity by /u/ForeverChanged0623 on 2023-10-05 16:00:13.

Well it’s been a rollercoaster this week, that’s for sure. My WH and I got into a huge fight last Thursday because once again he doesn’t understand how I cannot let go the fact that he manipulated my reality about his feelings for me, while in the affair by telling me he loves me and wants to be with me, and now wants me to believe that he checked out and wanted a divorce during the time, all the while I kept asking during the affair if he still loved me and wanted to be married and he said yes.

I’m sorry, you can’t just expect me to undo the manipulation and gaslighting you did to my reality in just a short amount of time.

He brought up legal separation again, so I served him paperwork on Tuesday, because I’m done being led by him. He then said he wanted a divorce instead yesterday, but since I had a solo appointment with our marriage counselor, he would see what she thought.

She definitely thinks we need to not do marriage counseling right now and for me to do EMDR with her due to my PTSD, and he needs to do severe trauma therapy for his CPTSD. His tolerance level is about 5% right now. If there is a “tone” in conversations between him and I, he thinks it’s a fight and gets extremely triggered.

So we are doing a stricter in-home separation to keep it stable for our daughter and will be limiting most conversations between us and our time together. I was planning to move out, but that might cause our daughter more anxiety, since she seems pretty stressed right now with unfortunately hearing our fights.

Every day I have no idea what the day will bring and it’s pretty darn tiring and stressful.

Only bright spot is that my WH has FINALLY decided to read books on how the affair has affected me. He is extremely conflict avoidant and doesn’t want to truly see what he’s done to me mentally, because that would mean he hurt someone that he used to love beyond reason in ways he never wanted to and became someone he never wanted to become. Hopefully the books give him insight and he can become a safer partner to me. Hopefully the books are able to convey to him what he’s not able to handle through my explanations of pain.