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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/GuiltybutHonest on 2023-10-05 23:13:14.

It’s been one month since my (28f) wedding with “Fred” (28m) and I am refusing to sign our marriage license and am honestly considering leaving him.

For 6 years, I believed Fred and I were on the same page about what we wanted from one another and our future. We AGREED (as in he’s made this point as well) we didn’t want children - EVER - and I made it clear before and during wedding planning that I wasn’t changing my last name - EVER. He AGREED to this. I am an only child, while Fred has 3 brothers. My last name dies with me, while his family’s last name will “continue on” with his 3 brothers, who are all married with children, and with this all considered and points made on these facts, I believed there wasn’t an issue because Fred AGREED to it.

I personally hate the tradition of taking on the husbands last name. In my PERSONAL, EVERY RIGHT TO HAVE OPINION (for all you ready to jump me in the comments) is an archaic tradition that feels more like the transfer of property to a man, than a union. And even though I’m never having children, even the thought of someone else’s last name being attached to my hypothetical child’s if I do all 9 months of creating it and wrecking my bod just doesn’t sit right with me. On top of that, why should I have to change all my registered ID’s and documentation just because I’m a woman?! It’s not fair.

So - it’s our wedding day and Fred really pushed to have a ceremony in front of everyone where we’d sign our marriage license together. He was first to go, and when it was my turn, he had his hand placed very weirdly on the document. I told him to move his hand, we had an awkward, quiet battle about it, and when he finally did I saw what he was hiding. It was his job to get the license and he went behind my back and PURPOSELY submitted it so I would be taking his last name. I didn’t want to make a scene, so I pretended to sign it.

Fred is now a completely different person. He’s all about tradition now and how it’s his right to have a wife with his last name, how it’s embarrassing that his brother’s wives didn’t make this an issue for them and how all his friends will give him shit if I don’t change it. On top of that he keeps bringing up the child argument saying “we can’t both have different last names, and they should take mine.” WE SAID WE DIDN’T WANT KIDS.

I feel manipulated and heartbroken, and now he’s put all the pressure on me to make a decision because he isn’t changing his mind - I feel like I’ve wasted our guests time, our and our families money for the wedding, and now our future together because I let him fool me for 6 years. So AITA if I don’t sign it and possibly leave him?