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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Accomplish_Mission on 2023-10-05 22:34:14.

My daughter is getting married in 2 weeks. To give some context, her mum and I fucked up a lot during her childhood until we divorced with fights, trying to get her (and our son) to hate the other, etc, etc. After we divorced, I (and her mum) had to work more and was unable to spend much time for her, feeding into the resentment. She ended up going to her grandparents a lot and she basically views them more as her parents which I accept. She moved out of her mums and stop visiting me as soon as she turned 17 or 18 and she eventually moved to the US for work. I tried reaching out with casual phone and social media messages (like asking how she’s doing, wishing happy birthday, congratulating her on promotions etc), which she either didn’t reply too or replied basically. Eventually on a blog she set up, I learned her true feelings like feeling agitated about my messages and valuing her grandparents more and wishing I’d stop. I did and eventually on facebook, out of the blue, she sent me a youtube music video about someone leaving a failed relationship which I guess conveyed to me her feelings and I decided to close the book and accept full responsibility for fucking up. My daughter from the blog has gotten support and she’s doing really well in the US.

Anyway, with that context for my daughter’s wedding which she is having in the US, I got not texts or any messages about her wanting me or her mum to come. I’d understand the guests probably are very limited between her friends in the US and family (and other friends) in the UK so I’m perfectly fine and understanding of not being invited.

My mum (her grandmother) though has different thoughts. She knows the relationship between me and her is basically non existent but not that we’ve basically both accepted that for the best. She confronted me (She and my dad and her other grandparents have been invited and have tickets). I explained I never got any invites and that guest numbers are gonna be limited. She thinks I could just book a ticket easily in the time frame. I tried to explain to her that I can’t and it turned into a massive argument with her saying I’m not putting any effort in, don’t deserve her etc. I explained to her why I think it’s for the best and that I’d rather be at home with my dog than going thousands of miles for something I’d probably be barred from. This made her more angry until I told her to leave. She then other relatives including my sister who went completely at me in a phone call.

I know I fucked up a lot and I expect the comments to be ruthless in that regard which I hope to be able to take. But in regard to the situation at hand, do you think I am in the right for respecting her wishes and wants for her wedding?