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The original was posted on /r/asoneafterinfidelity by /u/Super_Joe1 on 2023-10-06 00:27:07.

10 years ago, my fiancé had an affair before we got married. She told me that it was a ONS and was a mistake, and appeared very remorseful. She was distraught over what she did and whether I would stay with her. We worked through it with MC both before and after we got married.

Looking back, I have now have reason to believe that she cheated at least one more time before discovery. She denies it, and her story remains consistent with what she told me after the initial discovery. The problem is, there are details that don’t add up. I really think that she did cheat again. In fact, I am almost certain of it. No matter how I try and discuss it with my now wife, she continues to deny any additional cheating. she is getting to the point where my apparent distrust is causing real problems in our relationship. She is threatening to leave if I continue to bring this up. We have continued to see the same MC we saw prior to our wedding. Our MC is aware of all the details, and believes that my wife only cheated once before we got married. Regardless, our MC tells me that, for better or for worse, I have gotten everything I will get out of my wife as far as answers.

I think that she did cheat more than once, but when I discovered she only admitted to one incident only. She would never admit to anything more out of fear that I would not have gone through with the wedding. I thin that, even now, she is hanging on to that story because she is afraid I will leave her.

My MC asks me this question: even if my wife did cheat more than once prior to getting married, would that make me leave the marriage now 10 years, and 3 kids later? Admittedly, I am not so sure that I would leave even if additional cheating came to light. Not that I wouldn’t be devastated, but I am just not sure it would be worth throwing everything away for something that has not been much of an issue for the past decade. I have had absolutely no issues trusting her since we got married, and generally speaking we have a good relationship. I don’t want to blow up my life, family, etc. for something that I may not even be right about. After all, it is possible that my wife really is telling me the truth!

The problem is that not knowing for sure what happened is eating at me. I would rather have the full truth than always be questioning what really happened. It looks like I have all the “truth” I am going to get, however.

So my question is: how do I live with this? How do I learn to truly forgive my wife for what happened before we got married and focus on the woman she has been since our wedding? We have lived a lot of life since the affair. It is in the past, but I would be lying if I said that it did not still hurt. I love my wife, but true forgiveness has continued to be very difficult. Assuming that I am right, and she really did cheat more than once, how do I find forgiveness?