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The original was posted on /r/asoneafterinfidelity by /u/Outrageous_Isopod839 on 2023-10-06 10:26:09.

Today, I was down spiraling with thoughts and discussing with my wayward wife why she bathed and freshened up when she went to her AP.

A bit of background: The affair has been going on for the first 4 years, mostly involving car parking sex. Her latest year of the affair(5 all together) AP is divorcing and moving out.

My WW carries her panties with her, a pillow to his home. She buys candles, flowers and diffusers with essential oils.

I accused her of feeling at home there, not hesitating to bathe after sex, using his towels, and then leaving. I said she was very committed to it.

She started denying that she was committed, which led to great anger on my part, and I left the house. I feld lied and trickle truthed.

When I returned, there was a note on my desk from her that read:

"If you went to a hotel to sleep with someone and had the opportunity to freshen up afterward and return, wouldn’t you do it?

I didn’t feel at home, and I didn’t show commitment by freshening up.

I’m really sorry."

To which I replied on WhatsApp:

"NO, I wouldn’t!!!

If I had a fling and lacked commitment, I would go to her home, have coffee, have sex, and leave, and then wash up at home.

I wouldn’t use her bathroom, her towels, make myself coffee like I’m at home. Let alone bring my own boxers to change into and buy flowers, candles, diffusers, and oils.

I wouldn’t carry a pillow to sleep on in her home.

It wouldn’t be comfortable for me to be naked there, let alone go in and out of the bathroom.

I would know I have a home and a child at home, and I would know that this is a just ‘dirty affair and sex,’ and I would deeply regret it.

And the last thing I would do is take her to my home. I wouldn’t show her my child’s room, let alone have sex with her in his bed.

I wouldn’t cuddle with her in the living room and in the bathroom. I wouldn’t play ‘our favorite song.’ with her and asking for sex on my child bed.

NO, I wouldn’t!!

The fact that you think this isn’t commitment speaks poorly of you."

I will be happy to hear what you mean about the situation.

I would appreciate opinions on the matter.

Thank you!