This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/aitaproposals on 2023-10-06 20:38:46.

Hi everyone. There is a bit of drama happening between my boyfriend (28M) and I (26F) currently and I need help.

I think context is extremely important here. 9 years ago I had an extremely traumatic experience - I was at the beach with my friends when I got caught in a rip and started drowning. Thankfully a bodyboarder held me up as I started going under and then a lifeguard brought me back to land. Ever since this happened I have developed a severe fear of the water. I have not gone swimming since, I won’t even get into a bathtub. I absolutely hate the water. My boyfriend is aware of this.

It was our four year anniversary three days ago and he had planned a super big surprise for me. But as soon as we arrived at the marina I realised what was happening and I went into panic mode. My boyfriend had chartered a private yacht for our anniversary. I told him “you know that I cannot get on a boat.” He asked me why not. I had to remind him that I am fearful of the water. He quickly became frustrated, and told me that I’m not going in the water I’m going to be on a yacht so it’s “safe.” I explained to him that’s irrelevant I literally cannot be near or on the water without freaking out. I blatantly refused to get on the yacht. Long story short, we returned home and he started arguing with me immediately.

I told him that I will give him the money that he paid for it, but he said that he isn’t angry about the money he wasted, he’s angry that I ruined something romantic that he had planned months ago. He then revealed a ring box and told me he was planning on proposing to me on the yacht. I was surprised by this but also confused. I asked him why he thought it would be a good idea to propose to me on a yacht knowing my trauma surrounding the water. To which he replied “go to a fucking therapist and work it out then instead of punishing and embarrassing me over it.”

We’ve barely spoken since. I do feel guilty, and I absolutely do want to marry him as he is the love of my life but I cannot control my phobia. And I do think he should’ve have known better. He could’ve chosen literally anywhere else to propose to me but he really thought that’s the best place? Now I’m just really confused. AITA?