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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/InquisitiveMomAsks on 2023-10-06 20:17:05.

Throwaway. First time posting. Fake names used.

There’s a lot going on, but I’ll try to only give what’s necessary.

I (50F) and husband “Adam” (50M) have a daughter “Jill” (20F) who is in college & still lives at home. Jill is about 10 weeks pregnant. We had never met her boyfriend “Jack” (23M) before this happened. Adam put a rule in place after the last boyfriend of you have to date 6 months before we meet them. There was a thought that the ex bf might become a stalker. Jill and Jack have been together somewhere around 4 months. Jack has a daughter (2F) that he doesn’t pay child support for and only recently started seeing regularly because the mom wouldn’t let him. There is no support order in place.

Jill called and asked if Jack could come inside and meet us, since they were together and she needed to pick up something. Adam was opposed but said yes, because of me. The hellos were good. Jill asked if I wanted to ask Jack any questions. I said no. She asked if I was sure. I said yes. Jack said I could ask anything. After looking at them both for a few seconds I said okay and took him to the dining room. I just came out and asked what made my daughter so special that he would take care of her child and not the child he already had. He gave the excuse of the mom didn’t put him on support. And he basically didn’t want to give her anything because he didn’t know if it would go to take care of her. I told him those were all bs excuses. Adam did aggressively chime in and say he would push Jill to file for support. I wasn’t prepared for that. I think I quickly changed the subject and asked about Jack’s job and how it worked. I thought things ended good, even if I wasn’t happy about the support answer.

It has been about 6 weeks since this all happened. We just found out that he hasn’t been back because we made him feel uncomfortable. But Jack also still lives at home and his mother makes Jill uncomfortable all the time, saying she loves her and wanting her to say it back, or telling her to call her mom and that she can be a mother figure, to wanting to touch her stomach, to telling her personal things about herself. Jack thinks that Jill should suck it up and not try to set boundaries because they get to be at his house.

AITA for coming straight out and asking daughter’s boyfriend a no nonsense question on our first meeting?

Edit: Just quickly… A lot of people are thinking that Jill got kicked out and doesn’t still live at home. She does. Also the rule which I think should have been 3 months not 6 is in place because Jill tends to only date for 3 months. We also have a younger child and don’t want guys in and out all the time.