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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Intelligent-Tone-473 on 2023-10-06 23:14:53.

My fiancé (37m) and I (28f) have been together for 9 years, living together for 4. He recently, within the past four months, has decided to go on a keto diet and is spending most of his free time at the gym getting in shape. He also read a book about the health benefits of a keto diet. He was never overweight, he just wants to get more fit, healthy and muscular, according to him. I have always been in relatively good shape, I am 5’3” and weigh between 125 and 130 pounds at any given time. I’m probably 10 pounds heavier than when we met, but I’ve been a consistent weight for at least four or five years now.

I’ve also been eating/cooking keto in order to support my fiancé, but when he’s not around, I don’t mind eating carbs from time to time. I’m an Italian girl and love my pasta!

So on Wednesday night when we were cleaning up the kitchen, he took off the rubber bit in the sink drain to wash down some stuck food. In the drain he noticed one grain of cooked rice. Literally one grain of rice was in the drain. I had Chinese takeout for lunch that day, and because I knew he wouldn’t be home while I was eating, I thought I was OK to have rice because he wasn’t there to be tempted.

Tonight will be two full days that he hasn’t talked to me since the rice incident. He says that I am not supportive of him, and if I can go behind his back and sneak carbs, he doesn’t trust that I won’t go behind his back and cheat with another man! I’ve never cheated, and I’ve never given him reason to cheat. Once we moved in together, he didn’t want me to have male friends and I’ve stuck to that. I’m beside myself. I don’t know what I did wrong or even if I did anything wrong. I truly do want to support him in his health journey, and if I knew it was such a big deal, I never would’ve had the rice. He’s called me an asshole among other names, and says that he’s not sure that he can continue with our relationship. I know that being in a successful, committed relationship takes some sacrifices. Did I screw up here? Am I the asshole?

Please be kind. This is the only relationship I’ve ever been in, and I’m not experienced with this sort of thing.

Edit:

Thanks for the responses. I’m pretty embarrassed now that I posted because everyone seems to be saying a variation of the same thing.

Just to clarify, he was ok with me having work guy friends when I worked and went to school. I don’t work now so he thinks it’s unnecessary to have other male friends since it’s not critical to a career. He has female friends at work so that’s different. I don’t mind who he’s friends with because I trust him. He said if I was still working that I could have my male work friends again. I’m not working because he doesn’t want me to and now I think I’m going to go throw up after reading what I just wrote.