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The original was posted on /r/relationship_advice by /u/ThrowRA_rollingstone on 2023-10-06 21:22:10.

I (30f) considering divorcing (33m) husband…

I think I already know what I need to do, I’m just so afraid to pull the trigger.

We have been together for 10yrs, married for 5 and have a 3yr old child.

Problems started when I was pregnant, he refused to kiss me, touch me, show any sort of affection— he wouldn’t even feel our baby kicking because it “freaked him out” — I even considered that he could be cheating (he wasn’t) he just wasn’t attracted to a pregnant woman, I guess. (I wasn’t grotesque pregnant, I had a cute little belly)

It hurt me so bad, I still feel like I was robbed during that time.

Postpartum things didn’t get much better, I had a traumatic birth and my PPD/PPA was pretty bad, he would scream at me to go to the doctor if I was having a bad day (even tho I had) and continued even when I begged him to stop and leave me alone. I eventually started resenting him during this time and for his behavior during pregnancy.

He has also been continually self centered, belittling and inattentive—During the peak of my success he often expressed how he didn’t feel like he was able to be the “man” of the house, eventually forcing me to quit my job and then stealing the business I built.

I resent him so much that I often refuse to have sex with him, I complain that he doesn’t treat me well and his response is that “I won’t treat you like a wife cause you don’t do wifely things for me” aka have sex with him honestly at this point it grosses me out to have sex with him…

But. I’m so afraid of ruining my family if I leave him. I’ve mentioned divorce multiple times but he guilts me saying I will ruin my child’s life and it’s not fair for our child to have separate homes and “see his mom whoring around” if I got a new boyfriend.

I’m also so stressed about splitting assets, after he stole pretty much everything from me idk how I will survive.

I’m also so terrified to start over, starting at literal ground 0 and hurting my child and their future

So many people say marriage is about hard work and not giving up— but I feel like I’m too far passed getting help.

I asked him to go to therapy and he refused for a long time until he said “fine but I want to go to a man, because he’s gonna agree you need to start acting like a wife” and after that comment I just have no interest in therapy…

I mean this is just a rough broad overview of the issues… but…

Thoughts??