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The original was posted on /r/twohottakes by /u/dnims24 on 2023-10-06 19:36:51.

Hi Morgan (if you see this)! Sorry for the length in advance.

Will I be the A-Hole if I temporarily move into the guest bedroom?

So my (33F) boyfriend (33M, Jeff) has sleep apnea and it’s really starting to affect my mental health. We’ve been living together for about two years now and his snoring has recently gotten more aggressive and loud. Sometimes he stops breathing which freaks me out, or he’ll suddenly catch his breath very loudly. He’s tried laying on his back and his side, and he even elevates his head most nights (sometimes he slips down because we need to get new pillows).

The past couple of weeks, I’ve been begging him to call this sleep center that he got a referral to. He finally tried to call the other day and they didn’t answer. Yesterday he got ahold of someone and they set an appointment for him, but it’s not until late December (this is being posted in October). This week I’ve been getting woken up every night and I usually end up moving to the couch to go back to bed, but our dogs are light sleepers so I usually end up having to take them outside before I can go back to sleep.

In all I feel like it’s really messing with me. Every morning I wake up exhausted because of the broken sleep from his snoring, and sometimes I can still hear his snoring from the couch. I’m not currently working so I’m in charge of keeping the house tidy, but I have no energy. I mentioned to him the other day that we might need to get another bed in the guest room (there’s currently no furniture in there) for me to sleep in instead until this gets resolved. I’m just not sure if I can handle having such awful sleep every night until December.

Some other details that might not be important:

  • The couch we have right now sucks. It’s not very comfortable and it’s a recliner so when I sleep on it I’m a little crooked. We’ve had our eye on this other couch that’s kind of pricey but we both loved. He brought up just biting the bullet and finally buying it so that I can have a more comfortable spot to go back to bed when I get up. (I didn’t take this the wrong way, I thought it was sweet of him.) I don’t know how I feel about it. On the one hand, we really want the couch, but at the same time I want to sleep in an actual bed.
  • His dad has sleep apnea as well, but I don’t think he was ever tested for it. I’m worried that if we have kids they might get it as well. Is it genetic?
  • After doing some research this morning, I’m strongly for the CPAP machines, or anything that can help him breathe. His mother is against them, saying they have bad side effects but she won’t go into the details about it.
  • He works nights, so he usually doesn’t go to bed until anywhere between 1AM and 4AM. You would think that I’d be in a dead-sleep by then, but his snoring is so loud it still wakes me up every night.

TL;DR: Boyfriend snores every night so I’m thinking about getting a separate bed