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The original was posted on /r/professors by /u/hornybutired on 2023-10-06 20:15:14.

Hey, all. I’ve been teaching at the collegiate level for well over a decade. I have a great full time position that I love. I have tenure. I am presenting at a conference next week.

But holy hell I am struggling.

I have had bad periods, times when I only kept my damn job by luck and black magic, but this past spring I was diagnosed bipolar and a LOT of stuff clicked into place. “Oh… THAT’S WHY…” Yeah. Like that.

Knowing why I went through long patches where doing even the basics of my job seemed difficult has not helped as much as I would like. I’ve been struggling to find a medication regimen that really works for me and I’ve been fighting through a bad spell that has me walking on eggshells around my dean for all the classes I’ve had to cancel lately. He’s aware of my diagnosis, but there’s only so much that’ll help me if I can’t get in front of a class and deliver the material the students need. I hate myself when I’m like this and I feel like I’m not only screwing up a job I love and worked hard to get, I feel like I’m failing my students.

Are there any other profs here dealing with bipolar or another serious diagnosis that really makes doing the job a challenge? How do you deal? Any solidarity or advice would be helpful.