This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/relationship_advice by /u/moakley568 on 2023-10-07 04:57:35.

Tltr: husband tried getting with my BFF not once but twice. Second time recently. What do I do? How do I handle this?

My husband (J) (36) and I (38) got married last October 14th. It was a shotgun courthouse marriage. Yes, we rushed into it but we have known each other for years, so I guess that’s where I justified the timing. Everything was great. I really thought I had found my forever person. My last marriage ended and he ended up marrying my ex best friend of 10 years so yeah, were no longer friends. I only have 2 women in my life that I have kept close and one is my childhood best friend who is married to my husband’s brother and another childhood friend I met when we were 13. We’ll call her C. C is tall, thin and beautiful God fearing woman. I’m short and on the chunkier side. My weight fluctuates and I struggle with confidence. Anyway, C has been married to an amazing man for at least 15 years. I’ve never see a love like theirs, other than her parents. Anyway, she is very vivacious and alot of men try to cross the line with her because they mistake her kindness and talkative energy for flirting. She is very aware of this and has worked on reeling it back in. She came to see our house in January and I got frustrated with her because she started doing what she does, not even realizing it. She felt the energy shift and left. I didn’t even mention it to J until a few days later saying that I didn’t like how she was being flirty with him and I made the decision to not have her over when he was there. Well, we didn’t talk for a while and we recently started talking again bc I’ve become spiritually aware like never before. Me and J had been fighting and it’s been a rough time since i started this night job so she knows I’ve been questioning my marriage anyway. She came and sat with me at work to talk and I asked J to bring me dinner. Neither of them knew the other was there. This interaction was 3 weeks ago. After he left, she made a point to tell me that she liked him and he’s a good guy. This isn’t out of character for her. This past Friday, she came over and didn’t know he was coming home early bc he gets off work at 12 on Friday. When she left, she looked me in my eyes and told me that she didnt like him. She sensed a darkness around him. That statement sat with me heavily and 3 days ago, I asked her what she meant by it. She tensed up and I felt it coming. She showed me her phone and he said, “I’m glad we’re cool now and you’re probably gonna hate me again after I say this but I guess I’m gonna have to hide the fact that my dick gets hard everytime I see you.” She then tells me that he started messaging her back in January after they met at the house. She kept giving him evey reason why this was wrong of him to do like, my mother just died, my last husband is with my now ex best friend, I was still kinda fresh in my heroin recovery and every single time, he kept going back to the fact that he could be discreet and he has access to control the cameras at our house or say he was out hunting or fishing. I’m just fucking disgusted. I have done everything for this man. I have loved him unconditionally, I told him I didn’t even want to start a relationship him bc I was afraid of getting hurt. I was aware of his past but I have a past too and I have changed and he assured me that he had to and this is what he wanted. I have hade his house a home, I have taken care of his kids when he wanted to go hunting and fishing. All I ever asked of him was to give me every other Sunday during hunting season. He did last year but just a few weeks ago when he brought up hunting season, I told him that every other Sunday agreement still stands and he lost his shit on me. I confronted out but I couldn’t. I sat there begging him to tell me why and what ab me wasn’t enough and he couldn’t tell me anything. He didn’t even say he was sorry until I raised my voice asking him why can’t he even apologize. All I got was a “I’m sorry.” I told him what make me even more sick is the fact that I still want to come home to him and sleep next to him and have him cuddle me. His daughter just so happens to be staying with us this weekend so I have to act like everything is okay. This morning, before he left for work, he hugged me and kissed me and kept saying “I do love you”. Part of me wants to believe him but is he’s lied to me for this long, it’s hard to believe him. Not only that but also telling me that she is the only person he’s approached the whole time we’ve been married. I am giving him everything he needs to know, play by play on how to fix this but he’s not even paying attention. Idk if it’s because it’s only been a day or what. He’s never cared before so idk why my dumbass thinks it’s his be sny different this time. I just want this to work so how much time do I give him before I see change or even just him showing any type of remorse? I expected it immediately but no, I’ve got nothing.

Edit to add: I am not mad at C for not telling me the first time. She knows the depression I was in before I met him. She saw me happy for the first time in years so she made a conscious effort to not come around bc she thought it was a 1 time fluke thing. She even asked him, “If you feel comfortable enough to message me, someone whose had over 20yrs of friendship, who tf else are talking to?” He told her that that was the only time. He told her that he dis love me and that he had a “problem” but did not elaborate. He used me and her. He told me that she made him uncomfortable bc she flirted w him and that’s what I believed until I saw the messages. He literally trashed talked me, brought up my weight, brought up the fact that I’m self conscious and said “There’s always gotta be that 1 person who ruins everything. Why can’t she just have a hot friend and we can all hang out?”