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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Appelci on 2023-07-06 10:25:08+00:00.

Me 27 (f) and my brother 31(m) had a very different relationship with our father. He was abusive and left the family when I was 10 - Until he passed, I’ve seen him maybe 5 times in total. Each time was very difficult and eventually, I broke contact.

My brother, however, ADORED that man. He was very keen on keeping contact. He moved to the same city and visited him all the time and when our father started a new family and had another daughter, my brother was there every single weekend - the last 14 years. He was part of the family… they also supported him financially - whilst I often juggled three jobs at once in order to survive. I wouldn’t get a call. - not even for my birthday. And when I ever asked for aid, they basically shut the door in front of my face.

When our father passed away, I lived abroad. I was only informed by my brother. When no one could come up spontaneously with the money for the funeral, I covered it. No one ever said, thank you. All belongings of my father, went to his new wife and daughter. They agreed that we could have some personal stuff, but only if it was not of value. My brother offered to put a few pieces aside for me, since I couldn’t come due to Covid restrictions. I haven’t received those things until today. And as soon as the funeral was over the wife blocked me on every medium. Even on her daughters phone. My brother said she was afraid that I was after her money.

Now, 2 two years later - the mum has some medical issues, so the daughter is supposed to stay at my brother place for 8 weeks. But he’s overwhelmed with it and so he wanted to send her to ME. I told him that she could come for a long weekend, to see how it goes. But that I felt uncomfortable with it, because after all, I don’t know this child. But he insisted she should come for 2 weeks because him and his girlfriend would be in desperate need of holidays. When I told him no, he got angry. He said “oh - so you would claim our father’s inheritance (the pieces I never received) but then dip when responsibilities come your way?” He said I’m still part of the family, and that means that I should also take care of them. That I should be grateful for having him as a brother. Because he’s taking care of a child, basically also for ME. He said he never expect me to be someone to turn down a child in need and if the stressful phase would affect his relationship negatively, he would blame me for it. Ever since he ignores me.

AITA for not wanting to be involved here ?

Edit: having this thread out for bit, reading all the messages - first made me cry (because I’ve never received so much reassurance) and then it made me pissed because reading the story over and over again showed me why I got away from that family and why I should keep it that way. I am in therapy and I am healing, this is why I set boundaries for the first time now - and maybe it’s normal that they go crazy about it. Because they benefited from me being a push over in the past. And these pushover tendencies are still there - otherwise I wouldn’t be here, asking for reassurance. But I’m getting there… slowly. This is my first post on Reddit - I didn’t expect it to turn out to be such a supportive and helpful experience. Thank you so much everyone.